Hi, All -
My sweet eldest ds came home from his freshman year away at college, during which we did some skype-ing and I felt close to him while he was away.
Now we are planning a cross-country road trip (me and my two ds) and he's only going reluctantly, because he does love the family we're visiting, but says he can't afford a vacation and if he could he would not take one with me. Which is true. So he is hoping that instead of coming back leisurely, touring, we drive straight home for 26 hours (don't worry, that won't happen exactly). The point is, I still love being around him and luckily his younger bro still enjoys my company, and I know that this is really fine and even healthy for older ds (if nothing else, it is who he is right now and there's nothing I can do about it). But I miss him, and I miss the time of being a real family together and I'm sad.
Today I asked how his day was at work and he said great, but he didn't want to talk and didn't want to eat supper with us, just needed some down time alone and would see me tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.
It's a bittersweet moment when you realize that your kid is doing exactly what you raised him to do - spread his wings and fly. I understand.
Now you get to take the next step of your journey as a parent - helping him redefine your relationship to one of adults, rather than parent/child.
Hang in there.
I dunno... I really just took it in stride and let them take the lead (I have 21 & 19 yos). Maybe because I expected it? *I* was never given the opportunity to help define our new relationship when I was that age, so I wanted them to have that freedom. SO far? It's worked out well.
My eldest is 23, and she left home at 17, in the last year of high school. Our relationship has evolved gradually during that time. She wasn't a particularly easy teen to parent, and we had our challenges. However, as she has matured our relationship has evolved into a much more mature and even one. By even, I mean that of two adults, rather than parent and child. She is still very much my child and I am her mother, and she does sometimes need that kind of relationship, but she is also there for me if I need her.
"If you find from your own experience that something is a fact and it contradicts what some authority has written down, then you must abandon the authority and base your reasoning on your own findings"~ Leonardo da Vinci
My dear daughter is still a toddler and I can't bear a day not seeing her. I'm so scared that one day she would leave me and live by her own. I can't imagine what you are going through, Dacianna. I guess, as mothers, we have to accept that our children do not stay young forever. Time will really come when they need to have their independent lives, and all we can is support them :).
I do not have teens of my own and this definitely seems difficult. If it helps at all, his last comment seems to be an expression of how strong your relationship really is. He is showing how secure he feels about his relationship with you, that he can express his own needs (he needs space right now), and that he knows how to express himself without stepping on your feelings (didn't say anything like "Quit bugging me, Mom"). He feels secure that you will still be there for him and love him just as much later if he takes time to be by himself now. And that's what you want, right? If my mom had shown interest in my life when I was 19, no way would I have responded the way your son did--I would have talked, even if I didn't feel like it, because I would have been afraid she'd never ask again otherwise, since most of the time she didn't seem to really give a hoot what I was doing unless it annoyed her in some way.