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#1 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
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#2 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 08:27 AM
 
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I'd go for a holistic approach--explain that she needs to be careful with anyone she sleeps with. Just throw gloves and dental dams in with a general comment about condoms and birth control. Make sure she knows that sex is only fun if both parties are consenting--and that if she doesn't want to do something she can say no and leave, no matter what the circumstances. Tell her to talk to her partners about what she does and doesn't like, and that it's ok to want to wait (or just never do certain things) if she's not comfortable. I think that if she's into girls she'll do some of her own research and come up with more specifics that seem appealing (honestly, she'll probably do that if she's into boys, too). I know not everyone is excited about Dan Savage, but I think he can be a really great resource for people with questions, because he covers the whole range of sexuality, which I think helps make any particular question she might have feel less 'weird'.

And don't worry--she's going to be mortified by anything and everything you say. I'd get a book or some websites or something written down that you can give to her, or slip into her bags later, so she can look into things once the embarrassment has died down and you are far, far from her room. Good luck! smile.gif
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#3 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 08:41 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you!

 

Is there a specific book for teens on safe sex that just happens to have info on lesbian sex?  

 

And you're right, anything that comes from the mouths of parents about sex is bound to be mortifying!  But I'd like to make it a little less so.  


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#4 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 09:15 AM
 
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Well, lesbians wouldn't be the only ones to make use of a dental dam. Straight people should be using them too. Certainly you could could educate her on them without specifying girl/guy or girl/girl. 

 

DD 16 and I often talk in reference to her friends and that makes the conversation a little more comfortable. She has some friends who are sexually active (straight and gay) and we talk about the importance of consent, importance of protection, emotional aspect, all that. I have talked to my DD about how gay and lesbian individuals have historically been more lax about protection because babies weren't an issue but certainly, the 80's/90's brought forth the importance of safe sex for ALL. That's a good approach too.

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#5 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 10:03 AM
 
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Dental dams are a girl parts issue, right? Your DD likely has girl parts, so dental dams are logical to bring up either way. 


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#6 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 10:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

Thank you!

 

Is there a specific book for teens on safe sex that just happens to have info on lesbian sex?  

 

And you're right, anything that comes from the mouths of parents about sex is bound to be mortifying!  But I'd like to make it a little less so.  

 

 

such a good question -- and I'm responding just I'll be subscribed to the thread.  Our book on sex/birth control/etc is really focused more on puberty aged kids, and while it is very frank, I feel like we are ready for something more adult and more detailed about protection.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#7 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
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#8 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
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#9 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 06:23 PM
 
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Excellent point, but I've never used one myself.  

 

There are lots of things we teach our kids without direct experience. I talk to my kids about drug use though I've never tried it myself. I talked to them about smoking and I never smoked. There are several forms of birth control and protection I haven't tried or simply didn't exist before I got married but I don't feel unqualified to talk to my kids about it. I mean, how detailed were you planning on going? 

 

Keep in mind too that she's heading off to college. If she's living in the dorms, often the Residential Assistants give lectures on it. They tend to be more detailed!


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#10 of 21 Old 07-08-2013, 07:13 PM
 
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Excellent point, but I've never used one myself.  
Me either, but I'm still going to teach best practice.

In my experience, gloves were more common. They can be cut if you want a dam.

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#11 of 21 Old 07-09-2013, 01:14 AM
 
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I think the more information the better.  We have talked about dental dams in the past although I've never used one and my dd has never used one.  Dams can be used for both heterosexual and homosexual sex and I think when we do the sex talk it's just something else to talk about.  I think the main thing to stress is being safe and how she can come to you with any questions she has.  You want to educate her about sex and let her know that with the right person sex can be a wonderful experience.

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#12 of 21 Old 07-09-2013, 07:43 AM - Thread Starter
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#13 of 21 Old 07-09-2013, 08:17 PM
 
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In my experience, gloves were more common. They can be cut if you want a dam.

 

 

yeahthat.gif

 

gloves are multipurpose, easier to get and cheaper, in my experience -- having been a broke ass college student and a queer woman. and anyone of whatever sexuality/gender can use a dental dam (or a glove cut open). they can be used for oral-anal sex as well as oral-vaginal sex. 


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#14 of 21 Old 07-11-2013, 10:54 AM
 
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Thank you!

 

Is there a specific book for teens on safe sex that just happens to have info on lesbian sex?  

 

And you're right, anything that comes from the mouths of parents about sex is bound to be mortifying!  But I'd like to make it a little less so.  

I wouldn't worry about getting her a book specifically aimed at teens if she's going to be heading off to college.

 

My mother got me Our Bodies, Ourselves when I was heading to college. It includes just about anything you can think of. I only wish she'd gotten it for me a few years sooner - not because I was sexually active then (and I doubt it would have changed that), but just because it addresses so many questions that I never would have asked anyone.

 

Changing Bodies, Changing Lives is the teen version, and does cover same-sex issues.

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#15 of 21 Old 07-11-2013, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
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#16 of 21 Old 07-19-2013, 09:04 AM
 
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This is my favorite inclusive, straight-up sex ed website for my teen and transitional age youth clients:

 

Scarleteen

 

Additionally, here is a page from the Scarleteen site on Lesbian Safe Sex

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#17 of 21 Old 07-20-2013, 09:08 AM
 
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One of my best friends wrote a book called Doing it Right; Making Smart, Safe and Satisfying Choices About Sex... and I know that she was HIGHLY inclusive of both heterosexual and homosexual sex.

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#18 of 21 Old 07-20-2013, 12:42 PM
 
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Both my teen girls along with several of their freinds love the Scareleteen site. 

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#19 of 21 Old 07-21-2013, 07:09 AM
 
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I would look to a site called "Good Vibrations". It's a shop in San Francisco and is progressive and positive about sex. They have a book. I agree that a college aged person can probably just have a regular book and that safe-sex is something that can be discussed in general terms without the need for sexuality-specific details. 


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#20 of 21 Old 08-22-2013, 02:35 PM
 
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The original post is gone, but if you still have questions, feel free to PM me.
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#21 of 21 Old 09-13-2013, 01:05 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

I don't know what the original question was since it looks like it was removed?  Either way, I love finding parents grappling with these issues in open hearted and progressive ways.  I started a blog to tackle the issues of kids and sexuality and thought people here might be interested.  www.sexplainer.com 

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