Feeling really guilty about 13 yo and sports - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 07-13-2013, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
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So when my oldest was little I was very into the whole keeping kids sports in moderation thing ---- probably to a fault. I had him try lots of different little sports classes but didn't commit to teams with the exception of baseball which was his first pick. He was asked to play travel baseball at a young age and we declined but I have let his younger brother play travel because he wanted to and I can see how it has benefited older kids. We just joined a pool and they are all doing swim team (at ages 13, 9 and 6) for the first time. Turns out my oldest is a natural swimmer and LOVES it. He told me today that this year - first time playing travel ball and first time doing swim team has been the happiest year of his life. I am thrilled that he is happy now but I am feeling guilty that in my attempt to not be a "crazy sports parent" I made it too much about me and my parenting and wasn't really checked into what he wanted.
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#2 of 6 Old 07-13-2013, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
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Also, despite some success this year he is very in touch with the fact he is "catching up". He is okay with the work but is doing extra all the time to learn things he could have picked up easily and along the way and it makes me feel bad greensad.gif
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#3 of 6 Old 07-13-2013, 08:06 PM
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I have that same issue with my son too. We adopted him when he was 14, and he had always wanted to play hockey. His bio parents never put him in it due to financial reasons, and when we were able to he discovered how far behind he was. We tried so hard to get him in a place where he felt better - pick up games, extra practices with coaches, etc, but he ended up stopping. :(

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#4 of 6 Old 07-14-2013, 12:04 AM
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Oh gosh, don't feel like that! Personally, I think we should all be encouraging our kids to try many different things when they are little and wait until older ages to hyper-focus. Sure, there will occasionally be a kid who knows what they want early and pursue it relentlessly no matter what limits parents try to set. However, we come across a lot of kids who, by 16, are totally burned out. Kids who have devoted 4 to 5 days a week year round on soccer since they were 6-years-old! Sure, they are great players but what's the point if they get to high school and want to quit. They can feel pressured to continue. They can feel lost when they realize that they aren't going to make a career out of it and really, they've not explored many other options. No, I think you did just the right thing. You encouraged him to explore. He grew with an open mind. He picked a couple sports that he really liked and now he's going for it. He's mature enough to handle the travel ball requirements. 


I've been the same. I always felt it was my job to help keep all my kids doors open as long as I could. It's their job to start closing the ones they aren't interested in and step through the ones that thrill them. Happy people know what the world has to offer and pursue the things they are passionate about. Seems like your DS is doing just that!

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Married mom of two, DD 17 and DS 13.
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#5 of 6 Old 07-14-2013, 05:57 PM
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ah mama. i feel your pain. in our case it is money which IS a little different. 


remember it is what it is. as i keep telling my dd. you dont let it hold you back but you keep on keeping on.


you just dont know what would have happened had you been the crazy sports mom. 


had dd in ballet at 3 and we took her out coz she hates waitign and so stopped paying attention in class while waiting her turn and instead would ham in front of the mirror for her audience of parents and siblings waiting. and distract the class. we took her out. she did better at home with music and simple dancing. 


remember all the extra work he is doing is helping him a lot too. if i keep at it, if i try my best i CAN do it. he IS learning its never too late to try. 


for all you know if you had started young he may not even have been interested then.


but its hard. guilt and parenting are sides of the same coin. 



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#6 of 6 Old 07-14-2013, 10:41 PM
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You cannot change the past. But you can support him now. That's all. 

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