I am the mom of one, my son is turning 10 in the fall. I feel like I've fallen into a bad rut of constantly nagging & lecturing my son and I hate it. He does everything slowly... giving him loads of time to get stuff done just means he takes that time plus more... He's very sweet and engaging... always SAYS the right things, but his follow through is... non-existent.
There was an incident where he stole a very good pokemon card from a friend while at a birthday party a few months ago... worked through that... He confessed on his own initiative (was having trouble sleeping due to a heavy conscience and a friend at school was getting blamed for stealing)... he apologized to the boy (his teacher acted as mediator at school), returned the pokemon card, made amends. He was really upset because his friends didn't trust him anymore, but we just kept reminding him that the natural consequence of being untrustworthy is that he won't be trusted. A good reputation is a precious thing to have, and regaining it after losing it is very difficult and takes time and effort. He seemed to really "get it". He was restricted from all media while he was rebuilding trust with us as well (there was a rather complicated lie that spiraled out of control that involved us as well). We consider media (movies, computer games, DSi, iPod Touch, etc to be a privilege, not a right). At the end of the school year we felt he had earned back our trust and got limited media access back.
Just in the past few weeks he seems to pick lying over the truth more times than not and I'm constantly frustrated with him... which leads to the nagging and lectures. *sigh* He has a few chores/responsibilities that he does in order "earn" media time each day... he lies constantly about whether he did something, even though I'm standing there looking at it and can see it wasn't done. It just boggles my mind. It's like he's reverted to 4 yo behaviour! We've talked to him about family's working together to contribute to the family duties, and us working together because we love each other... also building good work ethic so he does well when he has a real job outside the home, etc... I can't seem to get through to him.
Is this just a normal developmental thing? Am I doing something "wrong"? Any suggestions for instilling trustworthiness and a work ethic in our son? I believe it's maybe the #1 most important quality I want him to develop because it bleeds into almost every aspect of life... work, play, personal growth...
Thanks...
There was an incident where he stole a very good pokemon card from a friend while at a birthday party a few months ago... worked through that... He confessed on his own initiative (was having trouble sleeping due to a heavy conscience and a friend at school was getting blamed for stealing)... he apologized to the boy (his teacher acted as mediator at school), returned the pokemon card, made amends. He was really upset because his friends didn't trust him anymore, but we just kept reminding him that the natural consequence of being untrustworthy is that he won't be trusted. A good reputation is a precious thing to have, and regaining it after losing it is very difficult and takes time and effort. He seemed to really "get it". He was restricted from all media while he was rebuilding trust with us as well (there was a rather complicated lie that spiraled out of control that involved us as well). We consider media (movies, computer games, DSi, iPod Touch, etc to be a privilege, not a right). At the end of the school year we felt he had earned back our trust and got limited media access back.
Just in the past few weeks he seems to pick lying over the truth more times than not and I'm constantly frustrated with him... which leads to the nagging and lectures. *sigh* He has a few chores/responsibilities that he does in order "earn" media time each day... he lies constantly about whether he did something, even though I'm standing there looking at it and can see it wasn't done. It just boggles my mind. It's like he's reverted to 4 yo behaviour! We've talked to him about family's working together to contribute to the family duties, and us working together because we love each other... also building good work ethic so he does well when he has a real job outside the home, etc... I can't seem to get through to him.
Is this just a normal developmental thing? Am I doing something "wrong"? Any suggestions for instilling trustworthiness and a work ethic in our son? I believe it's maybe the #1 most important quality I want him to develop because it bleeds into almost every aspect of life... work, play, personal growth...
Thanks...