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Would you let your teen quit a job they didn't even start yet?

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1K views 17 replies 15 participants last post by  mamarhu 
#1 ·
Hello,

My 15 year old has been trying to find a job for about 6 months now. My neighbor told me of a job at a local catering company. My daughter called the company and left a message, asking for more info. They called back and said that they would put her on the list, and give her a call the next week they needed help. Well, they called about 2 days later and told her to come in today and they would show her around, so she could come in tomorrow and work! They never told her any details, and she was so happy to get a job she didn't ask...she just assumed she'd be filling waters and food trays and be there around 3-4 hours. She went in today to look around, and they told her what she would be doing. They also told her she'd be there for around 6.5-7hours and that it can get VERY busy, so they won't have time to get much of a break until the end. She left VERY unexcited and said she didn't want to do it...that she didn't know anything about it, and now that she does, it's not what she wants to do. I've NEVER told her she has to get a job now...she did this on her own, and she really never did an interview, filled out an application, or even said she wanted the job...she really only wanted info. She is very nervous because she has a VERY fast metabolism, and she tends to get very shaky if she doesn't eat every 2-3 hours. The lady was adament when she told her that they would not have time to eat until the last hour or so of the job, so I know that's weighing heavily on her mind. I'm not sure if I should force her to do this. I don't want her to think she can quit something without giving it a good try. However, she did this on her own, and it all happened so fast, that I think she just didn't have enough info to make up her mind. What would you do?
 
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#5 ·
My dd was up crying half the night, saying how unapporoachable and somewhat mean the lady was who showed her around and told her about no breaks. She was scared that she didn't know what to do tomorrow and that she feared the lady was too mean to be asking questions too. Then, unbenownst to me, she called and left a message at 2am this morning and told them she didn't realize how many hours she had to work, and she wouldn't be able to do it! 2am! I've now laid the guilt on her pretty heavy, which may or may be wrong of me, but that was very irresponsible in my mind! She automatically conjured up the worst case scenerio in her head (which she does often) and got herself into such a tizzy that she didn't even give it a chance! If the work conditions were truly as bad as she imagined, I would never expect her to go back, but this wasn't the way to have dealt with it!
 
#6 ·
I dont think your dd did the right thing with the 2am call.

but it's her first job, I think it's normal for kids to be nervous. If she felt uncomfortable with the long hours, then there is nothing wrong with letting her pass on it. She can find something that suits her better. Maybe you need to talk about what you expect from her in terms of communication with future employers to avoid anymore late night calls.

Having a minor work that long without a break may in fact be illegal.
 
#7 ·
The only problem I see with calling at 2 am is that she may have awakened someone.

I see nothing wrong with saying, "After learning more about the work, I've decided it's not a fit for me." The employer would not hesitate to do the same. That's what an interview is for -- to explore a mutual fit. Sounds like this isn't a mutual fit, and she has as much right to opt out as the employer does.
 
#8 ·
I agree that it sounds like this company is violating labor laws and taking advantage of young workers who don't know better or are afraid to stand up for themselves. I wouldn't allow my daughter to work in a place like that.

I also don't think it even sounds like she is "quitting" this job. It sounds like she's turning down an offer for a job that isn't a good fit for her. There's absolutely no obligation for anyone to accept every job offered to them. My husband has turned down plenty of jobs, sometimes because he's already got one he likes, sometimes because they didn't offer enough money, sometimes because it's just not what he wants to do. He's even turned down an offer that he actively sought out because the company took too long and something better came along. Employers understand and expect this. Heck, even when DH gets an offer through a recruiting company, and he turns it down, they don't stop offering him other jobs.
 
#10 ·
I would be fine with her not taking the job. Because since she only met with them the one time and they were explaining the job, my feeling is she didn't actually have a job yet. So, it's not quitting, just turning down a job offer that's not right for her. At that age, it is not appropriate to expect her to work that long without a break (not to mention illegal most places). Even without the no-break issue, a 6.5 - 7 hour job for a first job at 15 is a bit much. She should be easing into it with a 3-4 hour shift job. I definitely think she did the right thing by not taking the job.

I would explain to her, though, that calling in the middle of the night and leaving a message is not the responsible way to handle something like that. She should have made an effort to speak with the person directly rather than a voicemail. That's something she should keep in mind for the future.
 
#11 ·
I would never expect or encourage her to take that job. She never even got an interview! Interviews go two ways. Too many people think if an interview as the time for the company to decide if they want you. That is only half the story. The interview is also the time for you to decide if the job, the boss, and the situation is a good fit for you!

If your daughter had gotten a legitimate interview she would have heard up front what the job entailed, what the hours were, and what the expectations of the positon were. She would have done the interview, would have plenty of time to think things through, and wold have probably have given you her thoughts and worries. She would have had a day or two to think about the personality of her employer, of what the schedule would mean, how it would affect her school work and sleep. Instead, she got a "your hired" tour from a pushy boss who sounds like she makes it a habit to walk all over her staff!

Your daughter should not have panicked and called in the middle of the night, but I think she is 100% in the right for not taking this job. It's one thing to give something a try; it's quite another to saddle yourself with a job where you have a bullying boss who is in the habit of breaking the labor laws and doesn't want to pay to train their staff.
 
#12 ·
I am okay with middle of the night call.

First, it is absolutely fine to turn down an offer of employment.

Those are very long shifts for a teenager in school, and probably not legal.

I assume the number was a business number, so it would likely have rung in the office. They'll get it when they check messages. It didn't wake anyone up.

If you only give your phone as contact, and your phone wakes you up, you kind of set yourself up there. You can get an email account for way cheap. You are probably not running a successful business without one.

I have had crazy bosses who made me nauseous. I wish I'd declined those jobs in the middle of the night, from the safety of home.

Your dd does NOT owe someone who intimidated her during an interview and proposed to have her work illegal shifts a direct conversation. Bssically, that conversation is an opportunity for the potential employers to berate her. She is permitted, and should be encouraged, to protect herself from those situations.

As an adult, I would have handled the issue by sending email. That way no one gets woken up in the middle of the night, and there's minimal contact. I'm involved in hiring for my company, and email is typically how we hear that candidates are turning us down. I appreciate having that in writing, as it minimizes the chance for misunderstandings. Reasonable employers limit response to that to a polite "thank you for letting us know", and while we keep this stuff on file, I wouldn't hold it against someone who reapplied, and our HR decisions are confidential - I have to let my bosses know the applicant withdrew, and they can read the files, but we wouldn't share it outside the office.
 
#13 ·
Whoa. You laid on guilt for her calling someone (who she wasn't even working for yet and who intimidated her that much) and leaving a message declining their offer. I think she did really well. I'm an adult and I would also want to let those people know in that manner. If it's a business number I'd intentionally call when no one would answer. I'm with the pp who said she doesn't owe them anything. They sound yucky.

A lot of people even past their teens would just not call and not show. I've seen people just quit jobs they actually had by not showing up. I'd say she showed responsibility and is on her way to finding appropriate employment and fine tuning her professionalism as she gains experience.
 
#14 ·
The situation was no appropriate. You do not want your chils working for someone who operates this way. she obviously was up concerned about it And called i dont think 2am is a big deal as businesses are vlosed and you leave a messege. kudos to her for standing up for herself and feeling the bad situation
 
#15 ·
Thanks for the replies, everyone. We have thoroughly discussed this situation, and all is well now. I understand her point of view completely, but at the time, I thought she was just going into her "worst case scenario" mode, which she does way too often! I also thought she may have misunderstood, becasue this is a very well known catering business that has been around forever, and I've only heard good things about the staff. I did not think it was appropriate at the time for her to call at 2am, but after listening to her side of the story, I learned that she only did that because she wanted them to get the message ASAP in the a.m. so the wouldn't be stuck. She really is a good kid, and will find a better job when the time is right!
 
#16 ·
It sounds like it was a horrible job. She panicked and called at 2 am but I kind of get that - when you're upset about something and are obsessing over it and can't sleep and you just have to deal with it. She should never feel like she has to take any particular job though and it sounds like she recognized a bad situation and was smart to back out of it.
 
#17 ·
I agree, it sounded like a horrible, and possibly illegal job.

In our state, young people cannot work until their 16th birthday or at 15 years 6 months, but they need to petition the state for a special consideration, and many questions are asked about home finances, grades etc. I can't see a 15 year old keeping up her education with those kinds of hours, and if she needs to eat (who doesn't?) and wouldn't be allowed to... it's just wrong.

I would have actively encouraged any of daughters to refuse that job right away. My two older girls (now 25 and 27) have had both been consistently employed since shortly after their 16th birthdays. We always allowed them to make their own employment decisions. I feel their jobs are part of their lives and I would never force them to work a job they weren't comfortable with. Yes, both of the older girls have had rough times at jobs they already had, but usually worked through the problems, (one quit a job that didn't respect that she needed time for school and study, and we were absolutely on her side w/ that decision) but nothing like your daughter was faced with (and our oldest worked as a server at both restaurants and banquet places for many years) My husband and I feel that when a child is old enough to work, they are old enough to make their own work decisions. We did limit the amount of hours they worked while still in High School and during the early years of Uni, but they were free to make their own decisions, often consulting us when they were unsure.

I'd never force a child to work a job she didn't want, especially one that would deny her nourishment. I'm in agreement with others that this job sounded illegal and that the supervisor was most likely taking advantage of an underage, inexperienced child.
 
#18 ·
I agree with folks above that your daughter did the right thing. But I would take it a step farther...

A job is an adult responsibility, and it is not my place, even as mother, to "allow", "force", or "require" anything. It is a relationship between the worker and the company. I would certainly advise, discuss, and suggest how to handle this or another situation. I would hope my teens would come to me with a problem of this sort (they would). But even if I felt they were making the wrong decision, I would not not directly intervene. I would help them think it through, and let them make mistakes. Early jobs are the place to learn skills - not just the tasks of a job, but also how to handle uncomfortable situations in a professional environment. This is practice for being an adult - making mistakes when you have the freedom to screw up.
 
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