Need advice about my 12 year old daughter - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 11-24-2013, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
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Hello everyone how is everything going this weekend ? So i am a recent got divorce from close of 15 years of marriage.I have a 12 year old daughter that is taken it very hard and she does not understand .So she blames for not trying to fix things were her dad and i told her we have try and try but i told her it will not work.I told her that we will also be friends and do what is best for our daughter so she was like well mommy that is not good enough .My daughter is very sad that her dad will not be here for thanksgiving 


So during a counseling session for the 3 of  us my ex agree with my daughter and me that he will be at my house to spend Christmas together and also to have dinner.I am surprise my ex has a new girlfriend that is 12 years younger than i am and she agree with my ex that he can come  over  .So my daughter was like to me that this is good mommy that you and daddy can talk to try to work things out .So i try to explain to her that Daddy has a new girlfriend and she was like mommy do not even go there so  i was like excuse me young lady change the tone in your voice ..She also wants me also to kiss her dad at the door when he comes for christmas just like i did when i greeting him when he came home from work



So it seems the past few weeks my daughter has been testing me with a few things .The first thing is every morning i have a fight with her about what she has on for school.She came down stairs with a short skirt and a red top that her friend loan her.So i was like young lady go up and change right now .So she was like mom why and i was like your 12 and your not going to dress like 16 .So she was like mommy please about 6 times and i was like no .So of course she walks away and starts to cry and i had to grounded her for a week because she did not say not nice things about me.



The other thing is my daughter wants to have her hair like Rihanna and i am not going to allow it she has  beautiful beautiful blond hair and i am not going to have her change her hair.So of course when i told her no she of course calls her dad and her dad calls me .So he was like let our daughter get the hair style that she wants please so we do not have to hear about it .I told my ex no sorry i know my daughter likes her music but personally i do not care for her at all ,


The other thing is my ex wants my daughter to come live with him and sorry that is also not going to happen.So far this divorce has not gone that bad fighting wise but it is like that he is also trying to test me.


My daughter is a great kid she is smart does great in school and has lot of friends.I do a lot of things with her with i am either not working or everything else.So i would apprecited anyone can give me advice on what to do it would be a great help .Take care and to all the moms out there have a Happy and safe thanksgiving .If anyone of you have any family members that are serving this country here or over seas thank them for there great service

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#2 of 4 Old 11-24-2013, 09:08 PM
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12 is a tough age even without a divorce. I think it is great that you guys are in counseling together, but that you will have to continue to be clear with her that you and her father are not now nor ever will be a couple again.


I wouldn't get too worked up over hair, and I would recommend only requiring that she follow the school dress code. These are not hills worth dying on. Instead, I would try, really, really hard, to find a way to have fun with your daughter and conect with her. You really are at risk for having your relationship with her fall apart since she is blaming you for the end of your marriage. Go see a movie with her, or bake cookies with her, or whatever would be fun for the 2 of you together.


Also, work on you own support system. Those friends or family members who can be there for you at this difficult time.


I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 4 Old 11-25-2013, 07:37 AM
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Regarding the haircut. Maybe tell her you need some time to think about it since it is such a dramatic change. Maybe a couple of months? It sounds like you don't want her to rush into changing her appearance and regret it, combined with  you not really liking the idea. But if she still wants this haircut in a couple of months, I'd relent and let her do it.

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#4 of 4 Old 11-25-2013, 07:40 AM - Thread Starter
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thank you so much for responding and it has been very hard and thanks for the advice for my daughter.I did decide to spend all day yesterday with her at home because we really have not sat down and talk mother and daughter talk to  much..So i was like to her what you like me to give you a lesson of painting  your toe nails.So she was like omg mom seriously i would love that so because i need it to also do mine so i gave her step by step on how to paint her nails  .So as we were doing are nails we talk a lot so she was like mommy i know you work hard at work but things like what we are doing i want to do more with you.So she was like will you always be there for me as a i get older and i was like omg sweetheart i am here for you 24/7.So then she started to cry and i was like honey whats wrong and she was like i really hope that you and daddy can work things out .So i was like honey like i told you we have try and try but no it can not work out and like i told you sweetheart we will always be there for you no matter what.


So she was like can i still do things with my dad like go to ball games and so fun things with him and i was like of course you can and like i told you and your dad will always do things together .So then i was like how about if we bake a cake and we also had a fun time baking a cake 


So a while later i talked to my ex on the phone and he ask me if he could have her next weekend and i was like that's fine .So i was like to him i want to you to easy your girlfriend meeting our daughter.I was like she is still taken it very hard and i do not want her to get upset when you drop her off to me.


So then he ask me and if he can bring his girlfriend to her bowling birthday party next month and i was like i do not know and i was like if i had to answer it right now no .So he was like why not because i was like hello it is still for me because we were married for so many years .So he was like you need to work with me with everything and i was like omg you know what i have to go .


So of course my mom and a few girlfriends told me that i need to get back on the horse and start dating again and like i told them i am not ready to get back dating .


I am also concern because my daughter has always been a A Student and i am so worried because of what has happen to me and her dad that her grades are going to drop big time .If you had to take a guess do thing they will so should i give her teacher the heads up that she is going through a whole lot right now.


I have to get going take care and have a great morning and a great day and again thank you for the recent advice 

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