WWYD in regard to possible stealing - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 01-20-2014, 10:24 AM - Thread Starter
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I would love some feedback regarding my 14y/o SD. Several weeks ago one of my kiddos found a jewelry box with two rings in it by a couch in the basement. This was shortly after my SD was at our home and had a girlfriend sleepover. We assumed the rings belonged to her friend. During this time we also had a friend over but the rings are not hers.

My SD wanted to see the girlfriend yesterday so she could ask her if the rings are hers. After she left the house I saw the rings on her bed, so she obviously was not too concerned about getting the rings back to her friend. When I went to pick her up the friend denied that they were her rings.

So- these rings just show up in our house and they do not belong to the two girls that were in our house nor to any of the other kids in our house.

They were from a store my SD just shopped at where her dad dropped her off by herself. I called the store and it is an item they currently sell.

I asked my SD lovingly if she took them from the store and she adamantly denied taking them.

What would you do?
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#2 of 3 Old 01-20-2014, 10:46 AM
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When her dad dropped her off, did she have any money? How much did they cost? Within a range she could theoretically afford? Is it possible she bought them?

You've said she denies stealing them, but what is the reason she gives for having them?

I guess my first step would be to make sure she actually did steal them.

Then, if that gets confirmed, I'd try to find out what is going on in her life to make her do risky behavior like that. Teens sometimes do things intending to be caught hoping they'll get attention and help. Do you have resources available for counseling?

If you are sure she stole them, then she'll have to correct that somehow as well. She could end up in a juvenile detention center pretty easily. I'd make sure the store got the rings and/or money but I'd be careful with how I handled that because ending up in court and in the detention center could lead her down a very bad path she isn't necessarily on yet.

I'd try to find a way for a kid of mine doing such risky things to get counseling. At 14, it could end up being something stupid she regrets, or the start of a string of bad mistakes. I'd want to do what I could to make sure it stays in the first category. I'd try not to freak out and alienate her because she needs guidance to make better choices and at that age, once they're signed off on the relationship, you have no more influence at all.

Good luck and please keep us posted!
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#3 of 3 Old 01-20-2014, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you so much for your helpful response Mamazee!  To answer your questions-


She had cash from Christmas, and her dad picked her up about 15 minutes before she left the store so he was with her when she paid for the things she purchased.  The reason she had the rings in her possession was because her younger sibling found them in the family room and she had them to take to her friend to see if they were her rings.


How do I know for sure if she took them?  I really have no proof other than some very obvious signs that indicate this possibility.  She is currently seeing a therapist.  She has some significant mental health issues, including manipulating and lying, however, I would not have expected this from her.  We just started a new allowance system, so between that and Christmas money she has plenty of money to buy things.  I know that doesn't mean that she wouldn't do something because of impulsive tendencies.

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