Little Girls Growing Up- Whats to much and whats ok - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Would you ever discuss the fact that shaving your pubes is the new norm for the younger generation w
Yes, most definitely. 1 11.11%
Not a chance. 1 11.11%
Do people really have this conversation with their kids? 0 0%
She can figure it out on her own. 4 44.44%
Keep it natural. 3 33.33%
Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll

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#61 of 65 Old 03-07-2014, 10:35 AM
 
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Chiming in w/o reading...

 

My opinion is that shaving arm-pits, legs and the bikini line is somewhat cultural more than it is a generational thing. Where I grew up in the states that type of personal grooming has been the norm more or less for at least 3 generations. In my experience the culture around shaving "lady bits" (which I take to mean the pubic area under the undergarments), is fairly new.  I see these two things as slightly different. One is about talking to a child about cultural norms for grooming and the other would fall somewhere in the category of a discussion of norms revolving around sexuality. 

 

I think that if a child has underarm hair in a culture where a majority of people shave that area, that, yea, talking about that with your child is a good way to go. I don't think a parent should put pressure on a child to conform though

 

As far as shaving under the undergarments (where only close family, friends and sexual partners will see), I think this is an unnecessary conversation to have with an 11 year old. My guess is that when my child feels ready to be sexually active that she will feel ready to make her own choices about where to have hair. 


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#62 of 65 Old 03-07-2014, 10:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by onlychldisagirl View Post


YOU UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY!!!!! When I originally started this thread I didn't know it would be such a big deal. Some people will never understand, and some might. That's ok. I had just wanted to know had anyone ever spoken to their children about this..

Ok, I read a bit more and understand that we are talking about the pubic area.  I would suggest that, yea, if it is a concern for you to talk to your DC about that when the time comes that this is a great idea. But, if she's just now growing underarm hair, I'd say you're probably a ways off. Perhaps it's the norm to the extent that it is no longer a choice a woman/man makes around sexual relationships, which is what I had understood shaving there to be about. 

 

But, also remember that your child is a different person than you. Being teased about this was hurtful for you and it's understandable that you want to protect her from that but just as times changed from when your mother was a child, they may well change for you and your child. The world of teen expectations is a tough one. I'm not so sure we can expect to always be our children's best source of information for this sort of thing, to be honest. 


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#63 of 65 Old 03-08-2014, 09:58 PM
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I voted "keep it natural" but I was using that phrase in more ways than one.  First, I don't shave my "bit" except to make sure that there isn't any hair visible when I wear a swimsuit.  When dd started shaving, I first discussed how to shave without injury.  I also explained that as she got older and her pubic hair became more prominent, that she would ultimately decide how to handle it.  I told her what I do, and left it at that.  My second part of "keep it natural" was to keep the line of communication open so that the conversations could happen naturally.  We have had a further discussion of this topic.  Some of her friends shave a lot of the pubic hair, some don't, and some we don't know.  However, my dd doesn't really care for shaving much.  She thought she would, but really couldn't care less.  In our conversation we talked about how the various options are fine and how she will need to decide for herself.  She has a really strong sense of self and she rolls with the punches -- she would rather have a bit of playful teasing at dance vs shave her legs daily.  I think since she "owns" the choice, she feels good about it.  

 

Amy

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#64 of 65 Old 03-09-2014, 12:15 AM
 
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this resonate with me

 

In our conversation we talked about how the various options are fine and how she will need to decide for herself.

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#65 of 65 Old 03-09-2014, 05:32 AM
 
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In our conversation we talked about how the various options are fine and how she will need to decide for herself.  She has a really strong sense of self and she rolls with the punches -- she would rather have a bit of playful teasing at dance vs shave her legs daily.  I think since she "owns" the choice, she feels good about it.  

 

Amy

Ultimately, I think this is the goal. The point about helping kids know what the norms are is such a small part of the conversation. The big stuff is helping kids be strong individuals with resilient personalities. :thumb


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