Little Girls Growing Up- Whats to much and whats ok - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Would you ever discuss the fact that shaving your pubes is the new norm for the younger generation w
Yes, most definitely. 1 11.11%
Not a chance. 1 11.11%
Do people really have this conversation with their kids? 0 0%
She can figure it out on her own. 4 44.44%
Keep it natural. 3 33.33%
Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hello.  My DD will be 11 next month.  She has been stinky since last year, and last summer she got some sports bras, although she doesn't have breasts yet her nubs (that is her word for them not mine) do stick through her shirt.  Last night I noticed that she had armpit hair and pubic hair.  I started talking to her awhile back about AF and she says she'll pass....that's all you mom..LOL  I am going to let her make her own choice on what products she will use or not, and whatever she chooses I will teach her how to use them properly.  What is the proper age to allow her to start shaving?  At least her armpits, summer is coming.  Her legs are not bad yet.  And also something that I am conflicted about is personal grooming.  As much as I DO NOT want to think about it, it is out there.  Times are different from even when I was younger, and I'm only 29.  I was in HS when I found out about it..I was embarrassed and got made fun of.  My mom is one of the ones that believes it is beautiful, but not me.  I am a firm believer on personal grooming.  Has anyone else ever thought about this? Would you ever talk to your DD about this?   Any suggestions?    I just don't know.  Of all of my friends I have the oldest child by at least 4 years, so I cannot get an opinion there, and I know where my mom stands.  Any advise/suggestions/real life experiences on these topics would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks!

 

**The only edited part of the post is below, which I added to try to clear up some confusion.**

 

I am editing this post to clear up the confusion.  When I say personal grooming I am speaking about shaving your lady bits.  This is the new norm and has been since 1997. IMO besides drugs, being Peer Pressured into doing something just so you will be accepted and not teased for being different than all of the other girls is the worst type of peer pressure any young girl in HS should have to endure.  It makes them feel that they have to do things that they know isn't right or could make them look bad just to stop the ridicule from their peers.  I wish someone would have informed me that shaved lady bits were the new normal, it would have saved me a lot of tears from being made fun of for it. With some of the feedback I have gotten on the original post I have decided that in time I will tell my DD about this.  In a few years, I am not talking about when the weather breaks and I teach her how to shave her pits/legs.  I as her mother will know when the time is right for her, and will handle the matter with her.  This may not be right for everybody but I really wish that my mom would have told me things like this.  While it may seem unconventional to even bring this up with your children, and it may not be right for you, times have changed since some of you have graduated.  I was a freshman in 1997, and groomed lady bits have been the norm for all of the younger generation since then. Who knows someday the au' natural look may come back.  But I don't see it happening.  This should not be taboo anymore.  This is a real situation that affects more young girls lives that one could possibly imagine.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 12:25 PM
 
3lilchunklins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: western NC
Posts: 1,593
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 39 Post(s)
I am also wondering at what age is it appropriate to let them start shaving?

My DD is 8 and a half. She's already asked about shaving her legs, I feel she's way too young. But IDK what to tell her when she asks how old she has to be before I will allow her to...
She's also already got budding in the bussom area. So she wears the little bras that are more like half an undershirt.
I got AF at 10, so I'm afraid she might be young when it starts for her too. We've talked about that pretty openly.
But as far as grooming goes, yes I always have to remind her to brush her hair before we go out. And frequently remind her to wash the areas that tend to ommit offensive odors. As I've already noticed that she gets BO.

bfinfant.gif  Breastfeeding, non-vaxing, homeschooling, baby wearing, cosleeping, non-cic'ing mama to CJsuperhero.gifAGdust.gifJJnono02.gifSDbabyboy.gif  And married my highschool sweetheart lovestory.gif

And expecting #5 in Nov. 2014 heartbeat.gif
3lilchunklins is offline  
#3 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 12:28 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,235
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 80 Post(s)

I'm not sure what you mean by "grooming" specifically, since you say you "found out about it" in high school, but I'll offer my own thoughts and experiences.

 

I was 11 in summer when my sisters ran a bath for me and insisted I get in it, almost to the point of depositing me in it themselves.  (Oh, my!  It must have been bad!)  Later, during track season in 7th grade, a friend told me I had "BO" and needed to shower after track meets.  It simply didn't occur to me, but it didn't take long to get the point.

 

Beyond basic grooming: bathing, brushing teeth, I don't really mind what my daughters choose to do.  I shave my legs when warm weather arrives, I rarely shave under my arms, I never wear make up, I use deodorant when I go out and about and wear clean clothes and bathe regularly.  I wouldn't mind if they started shaving at 11yo.  I wouldn't mind some makeup if they really wanted at that age.  I started shaving regularly around 13yo after being fickle about it for a year or so, stopped regular shaving around 19yo.  I'm 44.

 

If they never wanted to shave, that's fine, too.  


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#4 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 12:29 PM
 
TCMoulton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 4,077
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 36 Post(s)
My daughter is 11 and in all these situations my take has been to let her decide what she wants to do. The preteen/teen years can be tough enough, if shaving will make her more comfortable then so be it. I just make sure that there is always a good supply of fresh razors in the bathroom so she doesn't even have to ask.
meemee likes this.
TCMoulton is offline  
#5 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 12:39 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,235
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 80 Post(s)

BTW, I didn't answer the poll because I didn't jibe with the wording of the question (I'm guessing personal grooming means shaving?)  Of course I would tell her about it.  I never even had to try and broach the subject because my girls have already noticed that many women have "clean" legs and make up and hairstyles.  Of course it is part of the discussion.  

 

Would I say it's necessary?  No.  Would I say it is a personal choice?  Yes.  Would I mention that armpit hair can retain odor a bit more than a shaven underarm?  Yes, I would.  Would I mention body odor?  Yes I would, in a non-judmental way (there is b.o. and then there's BO!)

 

But just because I like bodies au natural, for the most part, doesn't mean I wouldn't tell them about their options.

 

ETA:  The American Girl book "Care and Keeping of You" has a lovely section on shaving and other grooming subjects that I think is helpful, informative and balanced.


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#6 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 01:13 PM
 
blessedwithboys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)
I think, and I may be wrong, that the OP is referring to the shaving off of pubic hair. Do people actually teach their kids to do that?!

Bring back the old MDC
blessedwithboys is offline  
#7 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 01:30 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,235
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 80 Post(s)

OK, if that were the case, then I think there are a few bases that parents needn't feel obliged to cover.  If there was some self-consciousness with bathing suits, then of course I would talk about that.  I'm conscious of that myself, and prefer to double check that "all of me" is contained within the suit.  (HA!  I'd have no qualms swimming nude, but pubes sticking out the sides of bathing suits make me feel self conscious!)  Beyond that... Brazilian waxes, more thorough shaving, decorations and adornments, etc. et al..... no, I don't need to cover *all* the possible bases.  I'd speak frankly if asked, though, as best as I could.  Honestly, for some of that I couldn't help one bit!  

 

I think this might be a generational thing, to some extent, and I'd hope that I can help my girls feel comfortable no matter what they do, so their decisions were based as much on personal preference and as little on peer pressure as possible.


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#8 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 01:30 PM
 
rachelsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Posts: 1,559
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post

I think, and I may be wrong, that the OP is referring to the shaving off of pubic hair. Do people actually teach their kids to do that?!


That's what I assumed the OP was referring to as well.  I have no idea whether people teach their kids to do that, but I think this thread is pretty clear evidence that OP should find clearer terminology (like maybe "shaving off pubic hair") if she decides to discuss it with her daughter.

rachelsmama is offline  
#9 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 02:01 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,235
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 80 Post(s)

*


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is offline  
#10 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 02:31 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)

I've never heard shaving pubic hair referred to as grooming either. shrug.gif

 

In my area, I would say that by age 15 about half of girls are shaving their pubic region. By age 18 it's a significant majority. I'm a female GP who specializes in adolescent and sexual health care, so I see a lot of teen genitalia! My impression is that girls start shaving their pubic areas around the time they start to think of themselves as sexual beings, since it's now perceived to be part of what makes one sexually attractive. It's not necessarily *when they become sexually active*.... often before that by a fair bit, but usually as they are beginning to imagine themselves in the role of sexual partner. And of course there is a lot of variability: some girls never shave, some do for a while and then stop, some start older, or younger. But I guess what I'm saying is that in general it's a choice that girls tend to make later in adolescence. And since no one but she is likely to see her pubic area for a lot of years, I wouldn't broach the subject at all at this point. If she asks, say "Some people shave that area. Others don't. It's a matter of personal preference." But since she, like most girls, seems a little intimidated by the prospect of coping with the whole new can of worms that adolescence opens up, I wouldn't heap even more on her when it can wait. Shaving legs and pits is different, because those tend to be seen and commented upon by peers.

 

I will second (third?) the American Girl book recommendation. Since it sounds like you didn't get any effective modelling about talking to children about body science and sexuality, I'll make a really strong pitch for you to read it aloud, to your dd. Let her doodle or wash dishes while you read if it makes her feel less uncomfortable. It will give you a scripted way of conveying information, and give both of you practice at using appropriate language and hearing appropriate language about these topics. It will present communication about adolescent body changes as an important facet of your relationship, it will allow you to know exactly what information she has been exposed to, and it will give her the opportunity to ask questions. 

 

Meg Hickling's book "More Speaking of Sex" is an excellent guide to help parents talk to their kids about reproductive science and sexuality. It'll help you arrive at some good choices and approaches in talking to your dd as she moves on to needing to know about sexuality as a teen. I really applaud you for making the effort to do a better job than your parents did with you. I think these two books will be good tools to help you along the way. 

 

Miranda

erigeron, Mama505, LTurtle and 1 others like this.

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#11 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3LilChunklins View Post

I am also wondering at what age is it appropriate to let them start shaving?

My DD is 8 and a half. She's already asked about shaving her legs, I feel she's way too young. But IDK what to tell her when she asks how old she has to be before I will allow her to...
She's also already got budding in the bussom area. So she wears the little bras that are more like half an undershirt.
I got AF at 10, so I'm afraid she might be young when it starts for her too. We've talked about that pretty openly.
But as far as grooming goes, yes I always have to remind her to brush her hair before we go out. And frequently remind her to wash the areas that tend to ommit offensive odors. As I've already noticed that she gets BO.


So since I made this post I called my sister and asked what she is going to do with my niece when the time comes for her to hit puberty. My niece is in 1st grade this year. She said by 5th grade if she wants to shave then she will let her. My husband is not my daughters biological father but has been there since right after my daughter was born. To him she is his and to her, that is her daddy. He is st stressed about her growing up and it is hilarious. I get a good laugh at it because he isn't the one who has to have these conversations with her. I think I have come to the decision that when it gets warm out I am going to teach her how to shave. I do not want her to get made fun of for having hairy pits/legs. Kids are so cruel this day and age. My daughter gets picked on all of the time by mainly the girls but sometimes the boys. I keep trying to tell her the boys tease because they like her and the girls tease because they are jealous of her. Everyday it is a struggle for her as she feels so sad. So I think that by giving the jealous girls one less thing to pick on her over might make a difference. From everything that I have read on the internet today the average age seems to be 10-11. I also found out that her school doesn't talk to them about puberty, IMO this should be mandatory for 4-5 graders, because where I live the parents don't give a hoot about where their kids are or what they are doing, so they definately will not be learning from mom or dad. With me being as young as I am, I'm just trying to gather all of the info I can from women who have been through this and can give me some advice. At least I only have to do it once because she is an only child!! Thank god!

Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#12 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 02:44 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)
Quote:
 I remember I was in 6-7 grade I think when I got mine and I was the only one. 

 

I highly doubt that! I don't doubt that at the time you thought you were the only one, but that's actually a pretty average age to begin menstruating. In the 1980s the average age for menarche was about 12.5. It's possibly a couple of months younger now: that's open to debate.

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#13 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
 

 

I highly doubt that! I don't doubt that at the time you thought you were the only one, but that's actually a pretty average age to begin menstruating. In the 1980s the average age for menarche was about 12.5. It's possibly a couple of months younger now: that's open to debate.

 

Miranda

I did say 6-7th grade "I Think".  I did talk to my sister earlier and asked her if she remembered when exactly I started AF and she said it was the summer going into 6th grade.  So I was 11 and yes I was one of the select few that had started menstruating at this time.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#14 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My sister said she remembers fondly because I was evil and unbearable.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#15 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelsmama View Post
 


That's what I assumed the OP was referring to as well.  I have no idea whether people teach their kids to do that, but I think this thread is pretty clear evidence that OP should find clearer terminology (like maybe "shaving off pubic hair") if she decides to discuss it with her daughter.

This topic is a little bigger than some may realize.  That is why I asked.  I agree that I could have used clearer terminology to an extent, but I think the youth nowadays do refer to it as "personal grooming".  But I did not just put "Should I teach my DD to shave here pubes", because I just signed up TODAY and this was my 2nd post.  I posted pretty much the same post in the wrong place. And somebody did post my first post ever on this site to this thread.  I guess it is my fault, I was not trying to offend anybody by being so frank.  I don't quite know what or if there are limits to what you can and cannot say.  I did not want to get kicked off when I feel that by being on this site I can learn valuable information from those who have been through these things before as I have not.  My DD is my one and only child, and I did not have the guidance from my parents about any of this stuff when I was coming up.  Like I said, I just didn't want to cross a boundary and have people thinking I'm a...perv or something.  It was a legitimate question.  And yes nowadays shaving your pubes is the norm.  Apparently I missed this memo when I was in HS, when I was a freshman I suppose is when this started, and yes I was known as "The Bush Lady", amongst other horrible names.  It was very hurtful, and I just do not want my dd to ever be teased over something so stupid.  I do agree that it is a personal preference, but I also believe that this is the new norm.  I was just looking to see if anybody out there has ever talked to their child about this before.  That is it and that is all.  If I have any other questions I will make sure that I try to use more blunt terminology.

rachelsmama likes this.

Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#16 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post

I think, and I may be wrong, that the OP is referring to the shaving off of pubic hair. Do people actually teach their kids to do that?!

I would assume that there are some women out there that would teach them to do that.  Like I said, with my generation it is the norm.  I obviously wouldn't bring up the topic to my daughter on the day I teach her to shave her pits/legs.  But when she is older it is something that I will let her know about, she can shave it or not, I don't care.  For  all I know that by the time she is 15-18 (and hopefully STILL ABSTINENT, the au' natural look will be the norm again.  Only time will tell.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#17 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 04:09 PM
 
Ragana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 1,978
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by onlychldisagirl View Post
 

Like I said, with my generation it is the norm. 

WOW! I am about 15 yrs. older than you - and you really opened my eyes here! I had no idea, actually. Good to note, since my DD is 14 and heading into high school. That is a type of peer pressure I never thought of!! What a difference 10 years can make.

 

BTW, I just wanted to say it's great that you're being so open about these things with your daughter. When my DD was that age, she would try to nix those conversations, too - bras were gross, mom don't talk about it, etc. I just kept bringing things up matter of factly & started keeping pads, tampons, razors, deodorant, etc. supplied in the bathroom. She is still very private about it, but goes and takes what she needs now. It's an approach that has worked for us.

 

PS I agree that Care and Keeping of You is good.


Mom "D" to DD1 "Z" (15) and DD2 "I" (11) DH "M"

Ragana is offline  
#18 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
 

I've never heard shaving pubic hair referred to as grooming either. shrug.gif

 

In my area, I would say that by age 15 about half of girls are shaving their pubic region. By age 18 it's a significant majority. I'm a female GP who specializes in adolescent and sexual health care, so I see a lot of teen genitalia! My impression is that girls start shaving their pubic areas around the time they start to think of themselves as sexual beings, since it's now perceived to be part of what makes one sexually attractive. It's not necessarily *when they become sexually active*.... often before that by a fair bit, but usually as they are beginning to imagine themselves in the role of sexual partner. And of course there is a lot of variability: some girls never shave, some do for a while and then stop, some start older, or younger. But I guess what I'm saying is that in general it's a choice that girls tend to make later in adolescence. And since no one but she is likely to see her pubic area for a lot of years, I wouldn't broach the subject at all at this point. If she asks, say "Some people shave that area. Others don't. It's a matter of personal preference." But since she, like most girls, seems a little intimidated by the prospect of coping with the whole new can of worms that adolescence opens up, I wouldn't heap even more on her when it can wait. Shaving legs and pits is different, because those tend to be seen and commented upon by peers.

 

I will second (third?) the American Girl book recommendation. Since it sounds like you didn't get any effective modelling about talking to children about body science and sexuality, I'll make a really strong pitch for you to read it aloud, to your dd. Let her doodle or wash dishes while you read if it makes her feel less uncomfortable. It will give you a scripted way of conveying information, and give both of you practice at using appropriate language and hearing appropriate language about these topics. It will present communication about adolescent body changes as an important facet of your relationship, it will allow you to know exactly what information she has been exposed to, and it will give her the opportunity to ask questions. 

 

Meg Hickling's book "More Speaking of Sex" is an excellent guide to help parents talk to their kids about reproductive science and sexuality. It'll help you arrive at some good choices and approaches in talking to your dd as she moves on to needing to know about sexuality as a teen. I really applaud you for making the effort to do a better job than your parents did with you. I think these two books will be good tools to help you along the way. 

 

Miranda

Thank you for your post.  It was very helpful.  I could have worded it differently but I did not want to offend anybody.  I have decided that when the weather gets warmer I will teach her how to shave her pits/legs.  She will be 11 when the weather breaks and by all means I am not ready to start thinking about her having sex or thinking of herself as a sexual being.  It makes me feel ill even though it will happen sooner or later.  She can't stay a baby forever right?  Part of the reason why I brought the subject up in the first place is because she asked if there was a way to make it go away as when she sits the hairs get stuck and then they pull and she says it hurts.  She is adjusting very well to this all so far.  I just do not like to lie to my child, and if she asks me a question I like to try to give an honest answer.  I will be going to get the American Girl Book that everybody is recommending.  Thank you for the advice and your opinion.  Just the thought of my precious baby turning into a young woman scares the holy h*** out of me!!!!!  Heres to making it through adolescent puberty, alive and with all of my hair!


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#19 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragana View Post

WOW! I am about 15 yrs. older than you - and you really opened my eyes here! I had no idea, actually. Good to note, since my DD is 14 and heading into high school. That is a type of peer pressure I never thought of!! What a difference 10 years can make.

BTW, I just wanted to say it's great that you're being so open about these things with your daughter. When my DD was that age, she would try to nix those conversations, too - bras were gross, mom don't talk about it, etc. I just kept bringing things up matter of factly & started keeping pads, tampons, razors, deodorant, etc. supplied in the bathroom. She is still very private about it, but goes and takes what she needs now. It's an approach that has worked for us.

PS I agree that Care and Keeping of You is good.


IMO peer pressure is the worst form of bullying that there is. It sucks yes, is it fair? No...but I really wish I would have been in the loop about this when I was a freshman. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and disappointment.

While getting pregnant while I was still in HS, and knowing how hard it was for me and not graduating or going to college was really hard, and for a while in my DD's life I was not a good mom, some might argue horrible. But I realized that she is my angel and I will work everyday of my life to make up for it. I know that I will never get that time back, I can only work to better my relationship with my DD. She now knows all of my struggles and feels open to come to me with things like this. And it feels good. I want my DD to do amazing things with her life, and she can with my guidance throughout her life to know right from wrong and accepting the consequences with everything that she does. She has big dreams and as long as she is fully informed about things like this, and what could happen if you do some things, I feel that it might limit some of the things that she may feel that she should do to fit in with others. She is a very smart and amazing, crazy talented little girl with endless opportunities.

And just as I am sitting here typing this she came and gave me a hug, told me that she loves me and that she is going to make me so proud of her, just wait and see!!
Thanks for taking the time to read all of this, but it really does feel good to know that I possibly helped you and your DD smile.gif

Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#20 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 06:40 PM
 
Ragana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 1,978
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by onlychldisagirl View Post

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this, but it really does feel good to know that I possibly helped you and your DD smile.gif

:-)

 

Good for you for making the best of your difficult situation and turning things around! I hear you about girls (mine are 10 and 14) growing up - wonderful, but nerve-wracking! I experienced some bullying/meanness as well when I was younger, so I am also grateful to at least be aware of trends so we can talk about things when they come up. I was somewhat clueless at that age.

 

Miranda - Can I ask you a question if this isn't derailing the thread? I went and bookmarked the book you mentioned above. It sounds good. What do you think of Our Bodies, Our Selves? I was handed that in middle school, and i think it may have been a bit much, so I haven't bought it for my DD.


Mom "D" to DD1 "Z" (15) and DD2 "I" (11) DH "M"

Ragana is offline  
#21 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have revised the poll question as well.  Defined "personal grooming" and added more options for answers.  Please take the poll if you read this page.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#22 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post

I think, and I may be wrong, that the OP is referring to the shaving off of pubic hair. Do people actually teach their kids to do that?!

People should teach their kids about this, seeming as having perfectly groomed lady bits has been the new norm since 1997.  This is one of the biggest forms of peer pressure out there for a young lady to have to deal with.  The pressure to fit in with all of the other girls and the unrealistic expectations that the young men have of what a young lady/woman should look like because of something they saw in a xxx movie online.  This type of peer pressure for a young girl can be one of the toughest forms of "bullying" they have to endure in HS, and that desire to try to fit in without being properly informed can lead them to make choices that may have some pretty serious consequences they didn't consider, in the end all of their hopes and dreams for their life could end up just being hopes and dreams and not a reality like they had planned all their lives for.  I may have had my daughter right after HS but the one thing that I am grateful for is that I am 19 years older than her, and I can relate more because this is how it was when I was in school.  The kids are not going to get any better.  Todays youth is only going to get worse, with parents that don't care what their kids do or where they go or who they are associating with.  Again this is just my opinion, based on what my little sister and I personally had to endure during HS, and we know  other girls that this has happened to as well.  


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#23 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 07:57 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragana View Post
 

Miranda - Can I ask you a question if this isn't derailing the thread? I went and bookmarked the book you mentioned above. It sounds good. What do you think of Our Bodies, Our Selves? I was handed that in middle school, and i think it may have been a bit much, so I haven't bought it for my DD.

 

I think OBOS is a pretty great book, but although I haven't seen the updated versions, the original was definitely a product of its times and its market ... so, most suitable for an adult or near-adult woman energized by feminist ideals and comfortable with herself as a sexual being. I don't think it's at all appropriate for peri-adolescent girls as a substitute for, or as a precursor to, a gentler more developmentally aware approach to sex education. I completely agree with you: for all but a few middle school girls it would be way too much information, way too overwhelming at that stage.

 

Meg Hickling's "Speaking of Sex" book is lovely because it deals with all stages of parenting, from toddlerhood through primary school to early adolescence and beyond. She makes some really important points really clearly, points that aren't always obvious to all parents: why it's important to use anatomically correct terminology even with young children, what kids tend to hear via the playground and how young they hear it -- and how terrifying misinformation can be, what sorts of fears adolescents tend to have and yet are mortified to voice aloud, how to tell when you've said too much to a grade-schooler (nothing sinister: you just notice their eyes have glazed over and they're not paying attention anymore... in other words, don't worry about telling them too much), why there should ideally be no such thing as "The Talk" (because you've been talking openly about sex in developmentally appropriate ways since before they can remember, so it's an ongoing thing, and because the conversation definitely needs to have started before your child reaches the teenaged years of peer orientation where they think they know everything, are invincible, and trust their peers more for 'real' information than they do their parents), and what to do if despite her suggestions about how to go about it you simply can't bring yourself to speak openly with your child about sex, and so on. 

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#24 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 07:59 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by onlychldisagirl View Post
 

People should teach their kids about this, seeming as having perfectly groomed lady bits has been the new norm since 1997. 

 

Definitely a cultural/regional variation to this. Where I live it's only been the majority of girls who are shaved in the last 6-8 years. 

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#25 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post

Definitely a cultural/regional variation to this. Where I live it's only been the majority of girls who are shaved in the last 6-8 years. 

Miranda

Might I ask you where you are from?

Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#26 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 08:05 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)

The western part of Canada, just a smidge north of the US border.

 

Miranda

 

ETA: What happened in 1997?


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#27 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 08:54 PM
 
3lilchunklins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: western NC
Posts: 1,593
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 39 Post(s)
Okay wow, this thread is entirely different from what I originally thought! LOL

Ok, I doubt I would discuss this with my DD. If she brought it up than I would be completely open with her. But I would not be the one bringing it up KWIM?
When I mentioned shaving it was in reference to arm pits and legs...

Yes I do agree that it is the norm these days. I've probably been shaving since I was 15 except for when I'm too big and pregnant to see what I'm doing lol

bfinfant.gif  Breastfeeding, non-vaxing, homeschooling, baby wearing, cosleeping, non-cic'ing mama to CJsuperhero.gifAGdust.gifJJnono02.gifSDbabyboy.gif  And married my highschool sweetheart lovestory.gif

And expecting #5 in Nov. 2014 heartbeat.gif
3lilchunklins is offline  
#28 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
 

The western part of Canada, just a smidge north of the US border.

 

Miranda

 

ETA: What happened in 1997

Well I can see where there is probably a cultural/regional difference between Canada and the Chicagoland Suburbs.  Although I have never been to Canada I can only assume that this is the case.  Nothing in particular happened in 1997, where I live that is when having shaven lady bits became the new trend.  The must have shaven lady bits, Naperville's  new norm.  I blame it on the misguided boys who get their unrealistic idea of what a woman should look like or what is sexy about a woman from looking at x-rated videos/magazines and then expecting these young girls who don't get paid to show their bits to look and act like the ones that do get paid for it.  And the girls went for it.  It is a shame really.  It makes me sad that some girls/women think that they have to be like this to be accepted. I was never popular and wasn't really interested in boys at this time, but that changed and it was just like a cruel joke.  It is amazing just how fast a rumor about ones lady bits can travel around a school of 3000 students.  Everyone was talking about my parts.  Absolutely mortifying!!! Freshman year was a nightmare!!!  And thats why I am so for mothers speaking to their kids about this, when the time is right that is.  I have decided that I will use all of these experiences to try to prepare my daughter for situations she might come upon.  And to give her the option to choose her destiny.  As much as it pains me to think about, the odds of her holding her "V-Card" until marriage are very un-likey, but I think that by her knowing about this may save her from the ultimate humiliation I had for not being informed.  I hope this makes sense, I am trying to word it right.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#29 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3LilChunklins View Post

Okay wow, this thread is entirely different from what I originally thought! LOL

Ok, I doubt I would discuss this with my DD. If she brought it up than I would be completely open with her. But I would not be the one bringing it up KWIM?
When I mentioned shaving it was in reference to arm pits and legs...

Yes I do agree that it is the norm these days. I've probably been shaving since I was 15 except for when I'm too big and pregnant to see what I'm doing lol

I am new to this site and am not fully aware of what is allowed and what is not,  and I was trying to put it in a way so that I didn't unintentionally offend anybody.  HS was pure H*** for me, not only because of this issue..My mother never told me that I would be getting a period or anything.  I think that are where some of my views come from. I want her to know everything, and to hear it from me, not somebody at school or on the bus.  Like I said my DD is pretty comfortable coming to me with everything, and I want it to stay like that.  I had my DD at 19, so with me being so young I get what is going on.  And she knows this.  I know that when I feel that she is ready for me to share my experience on this issue with her, I will find a way to do it.  But the odds of her coming to me and saying "mom it was just to much going on down there and it had to go...is that ok?" is probably what is going to end up happening.  Just yesterday she said her hairs get stuck and they pull when she sits down, and that she wishes she could do something about it.  If I had to make an educated guess about it, she will have figured to shave before I feel she is ready for me to talk to her about things like this.  This is one of the worst types of peer pressure that a girl could ever have to deal with in school, and they are usually to embarrassed to tell their mom.  But I feel that all mothers need to know about this so that they can make an effort with their DD's to make sure that everything is ok.  Having nobody to talk to is horrible, I know from experience.  I am just trying to be better at this part of parenting than my mother was.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
#30 of 65 Old 03-05-2014, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
onlychldisagirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3LilChunklins View Post

Okay wow, this thread is entirely different from what I originally thought! LOL

Ok, I doubt I would discuss this with my DD. If she brought it up than I would be completely open with her. But I would not be the one bringing it up KWIM?
When I mentioned shaving it was in reference to arm pits and legs...

Yes I do agree that it is the norm these days. I've probably been shaving since I was 15 except for when I'm too big and pregnant to see what I'm doing lol

I will agree, after being humiliated for being au' natural and feeling ashamed for not knowing better not a day has gone by that my lady bits have not been perfectly groomed.   This happened to my little sister as well.  And we didn't even go to HS at the same time.  And we both know other people that this has happened to.


Me-30   om.gif     DsoontobeH-28 joy.gif-Together 10 years & the love of my life!!

 

 

DD#1-11  mecry.gif     DC#2-My Angel In Heaven brokenheart.gif 

onlychldisagirl is offline  
Reply

Tags
Pre Teens

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off