12 year old boy is weepy. Causes? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 41 Old 03-14-2014, 01:37 PM
 
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: with the wildlife
Posts: 17,836
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnextmom View Post

Really? You've NEVER seen a kid be lazy at learning? Perhaps it's your background. I've worked with special needs kids but I've also spent a lot of time working with average and intellectually gifted kids. Kids that are being offered a good education with involved and engaged teachers and yet STILL can be lazy. We can ALL be lazy when it comes to doing something we aren't too into. My own kids have been lazy at times choosing to sit on an ipod instead of doing a project they know in advance will take a particular amount of time. 


And how is "lazy" name calling? The definition of lazy is someone who is unwilling to do work or expend energy. Have any of us NOT deserved that word at times? "Lazy" isn't an ethnic slur. It's not character assassination. It's a description for an action most of humanity has enjoyed acting out at some point. Instead of tip-toeing around the fact that sometimes people are downright lazy, why not embracing that "lazy" can be both wonderful and frustrating. Lazy isn't so good when you are choosing to watch TV instead of finish your report. Lazy is beautiful when you decide that it's too lovely a day not to spend at the beach with the family.... chores can wait.

Again, like I said, the OP's kid has a lot going on. I can't say whether it was appropriate or not. I never suggested the kid was lazy at all. I just don't think we do ourselves any favors by treating everyone like the enemy, not seeing our children's flaws for what they are and shielding them from the truth about their poor choices.
I think we'll just have to agree to disagree. I think calling someone lazy is writing them off. I know if someone had decide to just label my middle son as lazy, because he didn't get his homework done, they'd be writing him off. Thankfully, his teachers realized that there was a lot more going on than that. Turns out the kid is incredibly gifted with a learning disability. When supports were put in place, the kid has bloomed. He still has anxiety issues that we're all trying to help him with,which can really affect his output at school. We're all works in progress.

 
QueenOfTheMeadow is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 41 Old 03-16-2014, 09:55 AM
 
mamalisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,312
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I have a 13 year old who is brilliant (really, I have the numbers from testing right here!) and he is the laziest person I've ever met when it comes to school work.  He works hard at everything else in life (sports, volunteer, chores) but when it comes to school?  Haha, straight up lazy.  He doesn't want to make an effort, because he does "fine" without working hard.  Well, ok isn't good enough. He's not "unengaged" or some other fancy word...he's lazy and hasn't quite figured out that doing the bare minimum isn't going to get him anywhere in life.  

 

Mine cried a lot from about the middle of 5th grade until about 3/4 of the way through 6th.  My husband coaches his baseball team and honestly at any given time they could have half the boys crying at a practice.  Something as simple as "tell me what you did wrong there?" could set a kid off.  The coaches would just stand there, scared to say anything because you never know what would make them cry.  They are mostly 13 now and much better.  

 

So I think it's mostly normal??  I don't think you need to worry about stopping him from crying, don't most of us feel better after a good cry?  It's a stress reliever.  Just give him the space to feel how he feels, make sure he knows he can talk to you about your problems and give him good big hugs when he lets you.  There were many nights ds would come up to my room and say "I just feel like crying, can I snuggle?"  While I sat there going "What the hell?" inside my head,  I just let him dictate what he needed.  There's so much going on, things that no one would think twice about, kids dwell on.  I saw a text ds sent to one of his friends last week, "are we still friends?"  Dude, what??  Logically he knows he's busy and friend is busy, but for some reason something in his head makes him dramatic and weird.  

mamalisa is offline  
#33 of 41 Old 03-16-2014, 10:13 AM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,668
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
It has been my experience that teachers who call children lazy are unwilling to consider other possibilities even when test results show the child has a skill deficit. Lazy is a loaded term.when used by a teacher and it shuts off other possibilities. I have no problem with parents using it, my dd and I use it with ourselves sometimes, but it's not a term teachers should use and they mostly don't in this district. (except in charter schools and the break room).
One_Girl is offline  
#34 of 41 Old 03-16-2014, 10:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
mommyin2001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all your replies. Spring break week!! I think he needs the break. Mommy intuition tells me I think he is ok. I think it is hormones and the stress of going from grade school to middle school. He does have high-functioning autism which can have its challenges and, under the circumstances- being mainstreamed and aside from organizational assistance, having let go of the need for any other kind of help, I think he is doing fabulous.
mommyin2001 is offline  
#35 of 41 Old 03-16-2014, 11:33 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,808
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post
 

He doesn't want to make an effort, because he does "fine" without working hard.  Well, ok isn't good enough. He's not "unengaged" or some other fancy word...he's lazy and hasn't quite figured out that doing the bare minimum isn't going to get him anywhere in life.  

 

With all due respect, have you considered that he might be right? That ok is good enough at age 13, and that doing "fine" is sufficient? Do middle school transcripts really matter so much to one's future pathways? They sure don't where I live! 

 

I was very much like your ds at age 13. In middle school and early high school I settled for B's, neglecting assignments, never studying, putting in the bare minimum. My mom told me it wasn't good enough, that I should always do my best, that I should apply myself. I figured I could do this much work and get a B, or I could do four times as much work with a lot more stress and get an A-plus, and I was pretty sure that ten years down the road it would make no difference which path I had chosen. Ten years later I was graduating from medical school, and no one had ever cared that I coasted through 8th grade science. 

 

I'm a runner. Often I run slowly: I log miles while letting my mind wander, while enjoying the natural world. Running is my chance to process all that's going on in my life, to get down time, to connect with myself and with the world around me. My best time on a flat smooth 10k course is around 50 minutes, but 98% of the time I prefer a slower trail route at a leisurely pace that has me finishing in an hour and twenty minutes or so. Even if someone offered me an A for finishing in under an hour and an A-plus for finishing in under 50 minutes, I'd choose my B-minus pace. I don't think that means I'm lazy. I prefer a pace that doesn't hurt, that doesn't create stress. I'm happier, and no less healthy for not giving my maximum effort every day.

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to two great kids and two great grown-ups
moominmamma is online now  
#36 of 41 Old 03-16-2014, 11:49 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,808
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyin2001 View Post

Thanks for all your replies. Spring break week!! I think he needs the break. Mommy intuition tells me I think he is ok. I think it is hormones and the stress of going from grade school to middle school. He does have high-functioning autism which can have its challenges and, under the circumstances- being mainstreamed and aside from organizational assistance, having let go of the need for any other kind of help, I think he is doing fabulous.

 

That's wonderful! Your efforts to understand and support him at a time in his life where the ground is shifting beneath him in many ways will help him come through this as a strong and resilient young person with the confidence he needs to succeed. Enjoy the break!

 

miranda


Mountain mama to two great kids and two great grown-ups
moominmamma is online now  
#37 of 41 Old 03-17-2014, 06:56 AM
 
mamalisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,312
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
 

 

With all due respect, have you considered that he might be right? That ok is good enough at age 13, and that doing "fine" is sufficient? Do middle school transcripts really matter so much to one's future pathways? They sure don't where I live! 

 

Sadly, it does matter.  The courses you choose in middle school affect the courses you can take in high school and will ultimately affect his college acceptance.  Do I think that it's insane for an 11 year old to have to choose his life path?  Absolutely.  But that's the reality.  This is a kid who wants to go to West Point and since he's a kid he's not able to see the big picture of everything he has to do to get to that point.  That's my job.  

mamalisa is offline  
#38 of 41 Old 03-17-2014, 07:15 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,808
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 95 Post(s)
Point taken. Prerequisites matter for him. Still aren't you say doing "fine" and coasting through isn't enough? He has to do better than that? Maybe I'm misunderstanding.

Miranda

Mountain mama to two great kids and two great grown-ups
moominmamma is online now  
#39 of 41 Old 03-17-2014, 02:43 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,668
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
My uncle is about ten years older than me and he went to West Point after attending a rural school with very few extracurricular choices and after getting into a little trouble as a teen so I think even for that school there is room to be a kid during middle school. I've had professors who did community college and state universities before going to prestigious universities for a graduate degree. There are many roads people take to prestigious educational opportunities but I don't think they are likely to go for them or stick with them if the motivation comes from the outside rather than from within.
One_Girl is offline  
#40 of 41 Old 05-04-2014, 10:55 PM
 
Tigerle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,388
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
Totally different angle- as he's sleeping so much have physiological causes such as mono or low iron been conclusively ruled out?

MeDH DS1 10/06 DD 08/10 DS2 10/12with SB and
Tigerle is online now  
#41 of 41 Old 05-22-2014, 08:04 PM
 
Claudia Chapman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That's what I was thinking. Take him to the doctor and ask about having his blood sugar levels tested, a hormonal panel, test for mono and test for tick-borne diseases. Any and all could cause fatigue and lack of motivation. If you haven't already, it might be good to discuss this with a doctor and have a check-up.

 

Is it possible he's simply unhappy being main-streamed? I'm all for mainstreaming children with autism in theory, but sometimes they're just much happier and much more productive in an environment with mostly other autistic kids.

 

Sometimes voice changes happen literally over-night. I've seen it happen that way, with no warning. A boy goes to sleep with a kid's voice and wakes up the next morning with a young man's voice.

Claudia Chapman is offline  
Reply

Tags
Teens , Pre Teens

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off