My teen has his own place :/ - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-15-2014, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, I'm the mother of a 16 year old male. He is a sort of financial prodigy. With his money he own's nice apartment where he sometimes sleeps. When I asked if he he ever had girls over he said yes. When I asked if he was having sex he chuckled and said yes. This is not surprising. Lately my son and sex has been worrying me more and more. HE is 6'1 and has been asked to model more then once. I have even come across 30 something year old's chatting him up at the mall. He say is safe and only has 1 partner. he is a quite gifted child who I respect for. However can any teen boy be trusted sexually? How can I enforce it when the only reason he lives at home is because he likes his own family and enjoys being with us. If for instance I said he was not welcome at our home while doing these things he would leave immediately and also say it was inappropriate for me to ask him to leave. My sex life is my own business, I was truthful with you out of respect for your worries about me. Secondly how can I control his partying or anything else in this circumstance? What am I to do?

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Old 04-15-2014, 04:44 PM
 
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How did a 16yo sign a lease or purchase an apartment?


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Old 04-15-2014, 05:16 PM
 
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Your other post a few days ago said that he sometimes leaves to stay in a hotel - is this apartment very new?

I too am wondering how a minor was allowed to sign a lease on an apartment without a parent or guardian if he hasn't been emancipated.

He's a minor. If you don't want him staying elsewhere that is your right as his guardian.
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Old 04-15-2014, 05:58 PM
 
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Well, over here in the UK the age of (sexual) consent is 16 and I can tell you that of all the guys I know and knew, all practiced safe sex. Of course I realise that your country is a lot different from mine, culturally also, but your son does sound pretty level-headed if he owns his own property. As do I. I am 16, nearly 17 and pretty sharp when it comes to maths.

 

Does your son own the property outright, or does he lease it on a long rental? You don't have to feel obliged to answer, but what is he doing living on his own if he is classified as a minor? As I own another property (bought from my late mother's estate left me) there is no way I'd live on my own although in the UK, providing a sixteen year old is granted permission to leave home by his/her parent, then that is legal.

 

Frankly, I wouldn't worry too much providing your son is practicing safe sex, and, within the privacy of his own property. Teens will have sex (speaking personally), only they will be very private about it. in your country your son is hardly going to trumpet about his extra-curricular activities. :wink And at least his honest and upfront about his relationships. In my opinion that's something to be grateful for.

 

Do you talk to him? Keep the communications going. I've been adopted almost 4 years now and have an absolutely brilliant daughter-mum relationship with both mum Rachel and my aunts. Oh - and I'm a mum.

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Old 04-16-2014, 10:09 AM
 
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He goes to a hotel, or he has an apartment, which is it? Your story is inconsistent and contradictory. 

 

Since he's a minor, you would have co-signed on his lease or credit card. If you want to exert control over his life, rescinding your legal permission for these things would be how to do it. 

 

I have teens whom I have willingly and pro-actively set up in independent apartments away from home at 15 and 17, and let me tell you, even with my co-operation there were plenty of logistical hurdles. Getting utilities accounts, signing leases, getting credit checks ... even when they were paying, they couldn't sign contracts, so I had do all the legal stuff for them. Because I was the guarantor I could cancel their accounts, give notice on their leases or cancel their credit cards. Surely you're in the same situation? That gives you a lot of power over your ds if you want it. How could you possibly not have anticipated the fact that independent living would grant a lot of freedom and necessitate a lot of responsibility? As a parent who has gone through this twice, I think that if you didn't consider all these things at the outset and satisfy yourself that you and your ds could cope, you've really created the situation you're now in.

 

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Old 04-16-2014, 06:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In Canada he is allowed to move out at 16. I did not sign anything. He could be doing it under the table or using somebody else to sign off on such things? Maybe he is using his money or lawyer to get around this. He is not just making enough to live on his own, I know for fact he has 500k+ USD because he took us out to celebrate.He has only had this apartment for perhaps 2 months. He always says he is going to a hotel when he's looking to remove himself from the situation.Probably because he does not want me to come find him. I apologize for the confusion there. He trades stocks at his apartment. As for the fact that he has so much money, he sold a website of his for for 75k and has been doing stocks and other "private deals" since then.

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Old 04-16-2014, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, I appreciate the reassurance. It's hard for me because I can't find anybody to relate to my situation, sometimes i can't even believe it is actually happening. 

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Old 04-16-2014, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Like said below, he didn't involve me in this. He can legally move out at 16. he may even be friends with the owner of the building or somebody may have it under there name and hes pay's them.

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Old 04-16-2014, 07:50 PM
 
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I'm in Canada too: I'm in BC and my eldest dd has lived on her own in Montreal since 17. Younger dd will be elsewhere in BC next year at 15. There's no problem with kids living on their own here before 18, but they still need a parent or guardian to be guarantor for the legal stuff. Believe me, it was very awkward for me to co-sign for stuff when my dd lived 3000 miles away: I would have found a way around it if it had been in any way possible. 

 

I'm flabbergasted to hear that you don't even communicate with your ds enough to know how he got a lease or whether he knows the owner of the building. The problem here isn't the money, it's the lack of communication and parental involvement.

 

Then again a lot of this is not ringing true or making sense. You said he makes "up to several hundred dollars a day" but then say you know he's amassed more than half a million dollars since Grade 9. The math doesn't jive. He'd have to have made an *average* of more than $1000 a day to every day the stock market is open in order to accrue that kind of money in a couple of years. And you can't trade stocks as a minor in Canada or in the US, so he'd have to have a parent or guardian do the trading for him, in which case you'd have to know exactly what his assets are -- you wouldn't find out because he took you out to dinner. The story about the five-star hotel rooms doesn't jive -- why would make that the concern of your first post if, according to your later post, you know perfectly well he's going to an apartment not to hotels. Your complete lack of involvement in his life doesn't seem believable. And what does his height have to do with anything?

 

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Old 04-17-2014, 03:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by carsonm3 View Post
 

In Canada he is allowed to move out at 16. I did not sign anything. He could be doing it under the table or using somebody else to sign off on such things? Maybe he is using his money or lawyer to get around this. He is not just making enough to live on his own, I know for fact he has 500k+ USD because he took us out to celebrate.He has only had this apartment for perhaps 2 months. He always says he is going to a hotel when he's looking to remove himself from the situation.Probably because he does not want me to come find him. I apologize for the confusion there. He trades stocks at his apartment. As for the fact that he has so much money, he sold a website of his for for 75k and has been doing stocks and other "private deals" since then.

 

I don't wish to come across as sarky, but 500K is a lot of money! Considering he's young, too. How long has he been trading? Doing "private deals" will lead him to be accountable to Canada's IRS because tax inspectors have ways of finding out. Does he do hedge funding? And does your son do his own accounting?

 

My first rule of home is to provide for my family. I may be the same age as your son, but the 98K my fruit growing business netted last year after tax, the monies are carefully distributed throughout this yearso I can  draw a monthly salary while the balance is ploughed back into the business. Though I am under 18, I was accountable to the UK's Inland Revenue for Corporation Tax. I carry high responsibility for both the job and my toddler, and work long hours.

 

I find your estrangement with your son not only an unhappy situation, but one that comes across as highly irregular. I only hope you are strong enough to rein him in as any concerned mother would. Your son leading what I suspect is a playboy lifestyle could all end in tears.

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Old 04-17-2014, 03:49 AM
 
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I am suspicious & wonder if carsonm3 is really a parent at all, or someone trying to troll the forums & to see how much nonsense we will swallow.

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Old 04-17-2014, 03:52 AM
 
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That is what I am thinking.

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Old 04-17-2014, 06:54 AM
 
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I'm going to assume it's truthful because I'm feeling nice today.  I don't really have advice for how you can control a situation outside of your home because truthfully, once it's outside of your home, it doesn't really sound controllable.  After all, he's not living with you for a majority of the time.  Are you able to enlist the help of a family therapist to navigate this situation?  This is still your child and a message board isn't going to be able to assist on this one. 

 

For those questioning the stock trading, it's very, very possible to make $500K as a young person, especially if he had a windfall that was reinvested and/or was using money from other means (drugs, selling sex, someone teaching him, etc.)   I can't speak to the legal ramifications of someone underage opening an account and trading, I can just say the money isn't completely unrealistic. 

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Old 04-17-2014, 08:07 AM
 
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For those questioning the stock trading, it's very, very possible to make $500K

Oh I agree. But not the way his mom described it in her other post (in the PGC forum), which was by "earning up to several hundred dollars a day." That's just not how massive stock market earnings accrue.

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Old 04-17-2014, 09:16 AM
 
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Hmmm well.. okay IF you are knowledgable and skilled you can make 500K in a day, but you'd have to be skilled and have sufficient collateral if things go pear shaped. But to make 'several hundred' in a day as the OP stated requires keeping one's nerve for the precise moment to trade - and then the international markets are highly volatile so either he's trading in commodities or just stuck lucky because at the rate he is going he'd be a millionaire by now with a Lambogini, having an offshore account if he and his lawyer buddy are savvy enough. Lawyers don't charge beans, either. They are very expensive.

 

So how long has the boy been trading? Most his age are gaming eBox or PS3, let alone making a pile like that. Why did he need to leave home?? He could just have easily worked the stock markets in the comfort of his bedroom. It doesn't matter where you make money. But then, Ol' Mumsy is hardly going to be allowing scanily-clad girls to shack up in his bedroom, do a Mother Teresa and nod benignly. Maybe that's why he shipped out?

 

One of my sisters does currency trading. That's Iona who turned 15 last Christmas, but she's very carefully supervised by aunty who out of parential responsibility won't allow her to trade alone. Iona only does it for a bit of fun anyway. She buys in Euros and sells in Dollars. But it took her three months' to make enough profit to buy lovely fabric to make into curtains for our lounge. And then there's Kitty who every day makes sourdough bread - because bread and hearthbread making is her hobby and she wants to do her bit for house and home before her own needs. I just love how my sisters have their hobbies and are not driven by making piles of money, nor having a racy lifestyle. :)

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