What (if any) age do you think is too old for coed sleep overs? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 9 Old 04-15-2014, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 9 Old 04-15-2014, 08:25 PM
 
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I think it depends on the situation. My DD2 has a couple of boys that she has grown up with that I would not hesitate to invite over for a sleepover. She is 10 going on 11. They have a sort of cousin relationship.


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#3 of 9 Old 04-16-2014, 10:59 AM
 
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My dd is 11 and our family friend, a boy, still sleeps over.  I think I would look at the situation not the age but my dd isn't interested in boys in a sexual way at all, she still finds this topic disgusting.

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#4 of 9 Old 04-16-2014, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DC will be 13 in September (is heterosexual as far as I know) and I sent her off for a sleep over with a boy last night. It was funny that it didn't occur to me to think twice until she was out the door. My concern was just putting her in a position where she or her friend felt sort of pressured for something because of the circumstance.  I'll be having a talk with her when she gets home to see when she would like me to pull the cord. 


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#5 of 9 Old 04-16-2014, 11:10 AM
 
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I also have a 12yo and I would not be comfortable with a co-ed sleepover under most circumstances.  (If parents needed me to keep kid overnight for whatever reason, boy would sleep in the family room and daughter in her own room.)  I trust my daughter and I trust her choice of friends, but it's just not something I'd allow -- in part because I don't want to have to explain why it's okay at 12 and not okay at 17, or decide when to draw the line.

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#6 of 9 Old 04-16-2014, 11:19 AM
 
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I don't think I would allow it at any age. Not because I think something might *happen* but because I just feel its an inappropriate line to cross.


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#7 of 9 Old 04-16-2014, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DC was really close with boys and girls as a young child. I think she really needed to have a big variety of friends with a big variety of interests. It wouldn't have felt right for me to exclude the option of sleep-overs for boys when she was younger. She was here playing with her friend and they were just so sweet and young seeming that his mom and I forgot that they were becoming teens and are starting to show interest in early romance. 

 

As a teen myself I know that I felt a certain level of comfort from the boundaries my parents set for me so I plan to have some for my DC as well. I'd rather that they come from her, I guess, unless I see a need for parent-imposed boundaries. 

 

I'm curious  to talk with her but she's still playing with her friend. 


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#8 of 9 Old 04-17-2014, 08:01 AM
 
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There have been a couple group co-ed sleep-overs with my eldest in the teen years with the theatre friends she has grown up with and families we knew very well. We let her boyfriend go camping with us (he in his own tent) and spend the night on New Years Eve (sleeping bags on the living room floor next to 13-year-old brother and his buddy.) We'll be putting him up in the guest room on prom night. My youngest used to have a female friend that would stay with us (her family had no extended family and so we helped them out in overnight situations at times.) That ended after about age 10 when middle school started and boy/girl friendships seemed to pull apart.

 

We try not to have a lot of blanket rules and instead look at each situation as it comes. For us, there have been sound reasons for having an opposite gender friend spend the night. Would I be keen on my 13-year-old son coming home one day and saying "I made a new female friend and she wants to spend the night?" No, that wouldn't fly. A kid we've known for a long time in a situation where a family needs some help or if it's just safer for the kid to stay over... sure.

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#9 of 9 Old 04-19-2014, 07:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnextmom View Post
We try not to have a lot of blanket rules and instead look at each situation as it comes.

I agree. As I said above, I would DD2's friends she's known since birth sleep over (age 8-10) because we know them and the families very well, but tonight did not allow DD1 (14) to hang out at a house where there would be boys and girls & no parents home, even for a few hours.


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