My 13 year old son was accidently and recently hit in the head with a baseball bat. He didn't tell me until the next day cause he said he knew I would get all wigged out about it. My son is 13 and an outgoing kid who plays piano and clarinet and is musical. My friend's kid is a 13 yr old athletic kid who plays travel baseball. He heads out the door and tells me he is going out to play with some friends. I went to a movie with my daughter and didn't get home until 10pm. So when my son told me this the next day I was so hurt about it cause he didn't tell me. Then I sent a text to my girl friend saying, Dan is okay but would you please tell Alec to be careful when playing with our kids cause my son got hit in the head and ear and even still had dried blood on his head. My son let me look at it but he said he hurt to touch and was mad at me for caring and wanting to look at it in the first place. I know my son is trying to grow up, be tough, act like a man or whatever but it bothering me. My friend (the kids' mom) did not even respond to my text message. Would you be upset or hurt and/or follow it up with a phone call or say something. My son is okay today thank goodness! I prayed he was okay cause it could have been much, much worse! Let me know your thoughts. I have no family and my husband doesn't like me to make "a big deal" about anything so I have no one to turn to for advice or help......that's why I'm on this website.
Welcome to the forum, Kievan. :)
Unless you have already done so, you should get a doctor to check your son over. That will bring peace of mind and I think it's essential with head injuries.
We teenagers don't like telling our parents about the scuffles we get into. It's all part of our nature not to make a biggy out of it. That said, I'd have been upset if one of my younger sisters hadn't told me; it's only human nature to feel hurt.
The mothering site is lovely, though may take a little time to find the forums you feel best in. I've not been here long, but have made some super friends, very supportive of me and my little girl.
All the best,
Did your son tell you how this happened? As a mom of three boys I can tell you that these things happen when kids play together. Do you know that it was the other kid's fault? Could your son have walked behind him or in front of him when he took a swing? I think contacting the mother to have her tell her son to be more careful is a bit over the top, to be honest. These aren't little kids. They're teenagers.
Your son didn't tell you because he thought you would overreact. I suspect he is incredibly embarrassed by the fact that you contacted the other mother, and that is not going to make him come to you in the future with issues. Is it possible that you do tend to overreact to issues involving your son? I think you need to sit down with your son and your husband and figure out why he thinks you overreact and see if there is another way that he can come to you and tell you things without your reacting too strongly. I just mention this because as your son gets older, the issues are going to get bigger, sex, alcohol, etc. You want your son to be willing to come to you when he needs to, instead of keeping things from you because he thinks you'll overreact.
In hindsight, it would have been best if you called her directly. A text with an accusation that her son was "not careful" would put anyone on the defensive. Your son was too embarrassed to talk about it. You could start there. You could say "so, apparently there was an accident with a baseball bat when the kids were playing. My son did NOT want to tell me, but I saw the injury and it looked pretty bad. According to him, Bobby was swinging haphazardly and not watching what he was doing. I just wanted to let you know what was going on incase it comes up. Maybe you can ask your son for his side of the story to see if it matches. I will be taking Joey to the doctor."
You accused her of keeping information from you, and you accused her son of being careless. You don't know either of those things for sure. She may not have known about it, and if BOTH kids had been required to tell what happened, they may have had a different version of events. Of course your son's version relieves him of ALL responsibility. Pretty much every child's version of every event makes things other people's faults.
I agree that your son should be seen by a doctor. Immediately. It could be a head injury, and it is difficult to tell when they are serious and when they aren't.
I think that you could work on your relationship with your son by toning down your responses, and work on teaching him the *whys* of things. In just a few short years, he will be an adult and be making all his own decisions. You will have no legal say in anything related to him. So rather than taking control and re-acting, switch everything to a chance to ASK him what he thinks would be a good thing to do in the situation. Help him understand how different courses of action can play out differently.
Our teens are on a track to separate from us. We can work with that by using things that happen as a way to teach them how to make good choices that will service them well, or we can work against it by trying to control everything. Parents who try to control everything loose in two ways. First, as the years go by, control just an illusion. We will all loose control of our offspring at some point. Second, parents can miss the opportunities to teach their teens the things they need to know to have a happy and safe adulthood. To me, the real goal is to use these years to help my teens develop independence and life skills, so that at the point when I really have no control, I'll know they will be just fine because they KNOW how to handle things and make solid choices.
but everything has pros and cons
As a fellow sports mom (travel baseball, football and wrestling) it is my son's FULL responsibility to report injuries to me, his dad or a coach immediately. Especially head injuries. We went through this in the fall with a hard football hit that he didn't tell anyone about until I picked him up for practice. Any injury needs to be told to an adult without a pause. He could have had a seizure or worse on the sidelines and no one would have known what was going on. He missed 3 full weeks of school, suffered headaches for over a month, spent $5,000 on testing and it was hell.
I think your text to the mom was unnecessary and kind of rude. One of two things happened, someone was walking where they shouldn't have been or someone was swinging where they shouldn't have been. Kids don't just get hit with a bat hard enough to break skin unless someone wasn't paying attention. I would have never sent the text, the responsibility to report the injury was entirely your child's. I might not have responded to your text either, I'm not going to get into an argument with someone over how it's my kid's fault...kids get hurt. Unless it was intentional, I would put the responsibility on my kid.