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#31 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 07:44 AM
 
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Every child in my 10 year old's public school class is required to have a google account. I don't think it's too young at all to start dealing with this stuff.
Wow, users legally need to be 13 for Google+ just like FB. I'd be giving the school grief about that.

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#32 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 07:50 AM
 
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I decided recently that I would rather not have my full name associated with any public sites (here, FB, my blog, Pinterest) because I just don't really want to be searchable in that way. This is a choice that our kids may not be able to make unless they start out pretty carefully.
I feel the same way. My ds knows not to use his real name when signing up for anything. Our names are uncommon so a name search will be us, no having to guess which Ursula Jabberwocky is me.

But I agree that an environment of anonymity can cause unhealthy interactions. When my ds first started gaming, I could see how enamored some of the kids/teens/adults were with cursing and threats in that environment. Some of the gaming culture is misogynistic, racist, and downright nasty because there is no accountability. Some are much worse than I could have imagined.

Happily, my ds likes to play with people with better morals and avoids those segments of the online world. And he is as careful with the reputation of his username as he would be with his birth name.
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Last edited by 4evermom; 07-06-2014 at 08:03 AM. Reason: Added second and third paragraphs.
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#33 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 08:50 AM
 
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Happily, my ds likes to play with people with better morals and avoids those segments of the online world. And he is as careful with the reputation of his username as he would be with his birth name.
Yep! Another way to think of the anonymity vs. "real name" question is that of internal or external motivation. My DC also has an unusual name (I think she is the only person with her name) so that may come into play for my increased concern. But, I also agree that I want my DC to be motivated to behave well online - just because. I know everyone else does too and that they are looking at the lack of anonymity as an added motivation, which I do get, but my expectations for good behavior are just as high even with my encouragement of anonymity.

Discussing this this week made me realize that I had not really checked in on my DC's phone lately. She knows that I check from time to time and I explain that I am doing it to be sure that she is safe, being treated well, and is treating others well.

I found that a friend of her's was stoking some drama several weeks back and I am VERY proud of her reaction to that.

I noticed that all of her friends use a user name - even when texting.

One thing that came up for us recently was that I noticed one day that my DC and a friend had switched phones in the car. This is, of course, something that I did not experience growing up but that I think is something kids do in our area. I told DC and her friend that my DC was not allowed to do that. I explained that while my DC's information may be public and that she can share her own information if she wishes, that she has texts and emails from friends that I do not think DC should be sharing. Yes, it is all sweet and fairly benign (mostly texts about their favorite books, actually - this includes her Instagram account) but I think there is some potential for privacy breaches with sharing phones. Again, something that is new to me in this digital age and something that feels like a challenge in terms of how to help DC.

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#34 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 09:33 AM
 
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Wow, users legally need to be 13 for Google+ just like FB. I'd be giving the school grief about that.
Schools use GoogleDocs/Apps, but when you sign up for that you get EVERYTHING google has to offer which includes Google+ and YouTube. My kids use alter egos on Google+ and have blogs with google's Blogger, and have YouTube accounts under their alter egos, too. So far they haven't expressed any interest in facebook, twitter, snapchat, or instagram. I think there is some mild interest in Tumblr.

http://www.google.com/enterprise/apps/education/

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#35 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 09:42 AM
 
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Schools use GoogleDocs, but when you sign up for that you get EVERYTHING google has to offer which includes Google+ and YouTube. My kids use alter egos on Google+ and have blogs with google's Blogger, and have YouTube accounts under their alter egos, too. So far they haven't expressed any interest in facebook, twitter, snapchat, or instagram. I think there is some mild interest in Tumblr.
I'm pretty sure if you put in a birthdate that has you at less than 13 years, Google blocks you from Google+.

I'm not saying kids can't have the judgment required before age 13, but it is against the child online protection act and I think it's pretty unconscionable if a school encourages or requires kids to have a google+ account.

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#36 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 12:27 PM
 
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Thanks for this extremely relevant conversation. My kids arent there yet, but almost.... the trouble is, it will all be so different in five years...thats what get me stumped....
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#37 of 45 Old 07-06-2014, 02:36 PM
 
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Thanks for this extremely relevant conversation. My kids arent there yet, but almost.... the trouble is, it will all be so different in five years...thats what get me stumped....
My solution has just been to make an effort to stay caught up myself. I don't have much interest in Snapchat myself, but I made an account and got comfortable enough with the culture there to get a feel for what it's about. Just tryin' to keep up with the cool kids ....

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#38 of 45 Old 07-21-2014, 07:52 AM
 
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What is your policy on this?  Ds1 is 10 and has a Vine account.  He only has some school friends on there and they make silly videos back and forth, but dh is concerned about this and wants to forbid it.  His fears are that ds1 is going to put something out there that would be embarrassing/detrimental as an adult, and that he will have online contact with potentially dangerous people.  Though I agree with those fears, ds1 really is upset about it, and I don't think we can prevent him from being on social media for much longer.  How should we handle this?
Our kids were on facebook fairly early as a way to stay in touch with friends and family as we moved around to different places. We laid out ground rules at the outset, discussed the issues etc., and checked in to how they were managing. When they were younger, I checked in from time to time but haven't seen anything outrageous.

A big part of this is knowing your child's executive functioning and being honest about it. A kid with poor judgement and poor impulse control will need a lot more guidance and supervision.


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Yes, and I suppose I do agree, however I think teens and certainly adults have perfectly valid reasons for wanting to discuss issues online in a way that is somewhat anonymous or compartmentalized from other parts of their lives. .
I think this is insightful. I think that our kids are using social media in many different ways beyond simply reporting on their activities. That's kind of an old-fashioned and narrow way to think of social media.

They are often using it to explore and discover their identities and work out issues while receiving input and support. That means there are many different considerations than would apply to a newspaper report. Anonymity is a comfort to these kids and allows them a feeling of privacy and safety so they can discuss their situations.

I've seen many kids discuss their concerns about themselves online before they are comfortable talking about them with their parents. issues with schooling or homeschooling, eating disorders, sexual orientation... all sorts of stuff.

For kids who are use social media in this way, it's almost as important for them to understand how to maintian their anonymity as it is to keep a clean public personal profille.
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#39 of 45 Old 07-21-2014, 10:00 AM
 
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I've seen many kids discuss their concerns about themselves online before they are comfortable talking about them with their parents. issues with schooling or homeschooling, eating disorders, sexual orientation... all sorts of stuff.
Kids who are doing this is using the chat feature. at least teh kids i know including my dd. they are not posting things that everyone on their friends list can see.

its really interesting to see how those born with technology are using them these days, and how we who were not are trying to figure out and 'cope'. i think many kids are much wiser.

most of the kids that i know that are on facebook and instagram - are preteens who are ok. its when they get older and post very sexual messages - sometimes not even understanding them fully.

i have also seen that the kids who have been using social media for the past two years are not on it so much these days.

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#40 of 45 Old 07-21-2014, 12:10 PM
 
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Kids who are doing this is using the chat feature. at least teh kids i know including my dd. they are not posting things that everyone on their friends list can see.
.
I'm seeing kids who are blogging, on tumblr and on message boards and so on, dealing with stuff that they may not want identified by friends or teachers or people in their communities as well as family. At least not until they've worked it out for themselves a little first. I think that's a valid reason for some anonymity, that's all I'm saying.
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#41 of 45 Old 07-21-2014, 02:31 PM
 
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I think that's a valid reason for some anonymity, that's all I'm saying.
That's where I'm coming from as well. And not only anonymity but helping our kids understand how using email addresses, handles, images, and other identifying information can create a much bigger (and more connected) online picture than what they realize.

Coincidentally I spoke with my DC about FB today. I wondered if she would get FB on her 13th birthday. I was a little disappointed that she said she didn't think so because I have come to really love a lot of Facebook pages that I would love DC to subscribe to (Mighty Girl being my most recent favorite).

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#42 of 45 Old 07-22-2014, 05:32 PM
 
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I'm seeing kids who are blogging, on tumblr and on message boards and so on, dealing with stuff that they may not want identified by friends or teachers or people in their communities as well as family. At least not until they've worked it out for themselves a little first. I think that's a valid reason for some anonymity, that's all I'm saying.
oh no. you are absolutely right. there is a valid reason for some anonymity.

and gmail has really ruined that. or made it into a teaching tool - whichever way you look at it. many of the kids dont understand when they post on youtube that their info is shown there.

so in other words teens are trying to find a parallel to our mothering board.

you know in my neck of the woods these kids are actually writing fanfict to deal with stuff. including personal fantasies about their crushes. or even their ideal family life. also there are also other writing sites wattpad that other kids are reading what they wrote, though it is not just a teen site.

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#43 of 45 Old 07-28-2014, 04:34 AM
 
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I think this is a very interesting and relevant topic. I try my best to stay up to date with the different social media options so when my kids do talk about or ask about them I know enough to be able to encourage them to stay safe. I think honesty is without doubt the best policy when it comes to these things because if not kids will try to find out for themselves anyway. I also understand the anonymity part. Some teens are more comfortable talking about issues if people don't know who they are. I think you just need to be careful and ensure they are using things correctly
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#44 of 45 Old 08-04-2014, 10:15 PM
 
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My 13 y/o has a facebook and instagram, both on very private settings. She has to know everyone she is friends with/following/following her. My 11 y/o has an insta, and again with the private. She uses it rarely and only has about 30 followers/following, which I'm happy about. I monitor them both, but I really trust them. I think that's the most vital thing, you should trust your kids to keep things appropriate on social media. If you think they won't, monitor them closely and set down rules, or simply, don't let them have the profile. I think we usually can trust our kids, and that's a good thing.
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#45 of 45 Old 08-11-2014, 10:08 PM
 
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Using social media sites ain't a bad thing for kids, but they need to learn whom to be friends with and whom not. Also, the parents need to monitor all the activities of the kids and set privacy settings for them.

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