Overly emotional 9 year old daughter - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 07-24-2014, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Overly emotional 9 year old daughter

Hello mamas!
I have a 9 year old daughter that I raise on my own and we are happy MOST of the time but.. She is incredibly sensitive and very emotional. She cries when she can't get her socks on, clings to me in the store, still insists on sleeping in my bed, and is so sensitive that I can't even look at her crooked without her bursting into tears. She fakes injuries and says she's hurt when clearly she isn't. I give her as much attention as I can but I feel like it will never be enough. She is an only child and is begging for a baby brother or baby sister but part of me is terrified that I'll end of feeling like i did before.

This is beginning to wear on me. I would come home from school/clinical exhausted and the last thing that I want is for her to cling onto me and I feel bad about it. I spend a lot of my time looking forward to a family member taking her so that I can have a moment's peace. She's so needy that it just drains me.

I had terrible postpartum depression after she was born. I experienced, nightmares, hallucinations, I regretted having her. It was awful. I should have seen a doctor but my partner at the time made me feel bad. I struggled with breastfeeding, sleep, colic and all of the seemingly normal things that new mamas struggle with. So I said nothing and did my best.
I'm wondering if it's possible to still have postpartum depression. I just didn't ever feel the glow and wonderment of pregnancy or being a mother.

It's gotten better since I graduated. We spend more time together but she's so sensitive that I spend most of my time walking on eggshells. She's overly emotional and I keep telling her that she can't go through life like this. Nobody will want to spend time with somebody who is always crying. And she fake cries a lot of the time and I have warned her about not being taken seriously when there actually is a problem if she's faking it all of the time.

My current partner is very supportive and loving. She calls him dad and he loves her dearly. We are planning on moving in together in a couple of months and are really looking forward to being a family. I realize that part of her issues stem from her biological father not being around. He is out of our lives for both of our safety.

Is anybody else experiencing this? Am I crazy? I love her with all of my being but sometimes I sigh with relief at the thought that it's only 9 years until she is out of the house and off to college.

I love her so much but I don't know what to do with her. Can somebody help me?
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#2 of 4 Old 08-15-2014, 07:28 PM
 
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Getting some family therapy for the two of you might be very useful and healing. It sounds as though your relationship got off to a very bumpy start at birth. You have a lot of strong feelings about her that she probably picks up on, causing her to cling harder. A professional might be able to help you differentiate from one another, but keeping attachment in focus. As the other member said, she will soon be a teen and will want to begin to separate from you. And this will be bittersweet given your relationship up until this point. It's also fine to honor your own needs. Maybe you are an introvert and she is an extrovert. Look into temperament traits a little bit and see if this resonates for you.

 
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#3 of 4 Old 08-16-2014, 07:03 AM
 
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Is this how she's ALWAYS been or are you seeing an increase in neediness? If it's a newer thing then really, the sensitivity and emotional outburst can be quite normal. If she's always been like this, well, she may be lacking a base level of security in her life. If you've always felt frustration or a sense of disconnection from motherhood, then it's very likely your daughter has always felt it from you too. I agree with above that some therapy might help you both. It's normal to get aggravated with your child. It's normal to go through some rough periods. However, from what you've said, this seems an underlying feeling that has followed you from the beginning and I do think that warrants finding a professional to talk to.

Married mom of two, DD 17 and DS 13.
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#4 of 4 Old 09-24-2014, 01:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama_llama View Post

Can somebody help me?
Just do the best you can and REALIZE that your kids will have an opportunity to take your examples of parenting and apply them, as is, to their own kids or change things as they see fit. Then their kids will have an opportunity to do the same when it's their turn, etc., etc. on into the future. It's called Evolution and has been going on since time began. My siblings did a vastly better job of parenting than our parents or their parents did and their kids seem to be even better parents than my siblings were so I've seen it happen right within my own generation.
good luck
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