10yo dd playing Simon Says very inappropriately with 7yo dd. - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-22-2014, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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10yo dd playing Simon Says very inappropriately with 7yo dd.

I found my daughters in the closet yesterday. Both had their pants off. The older one was playing Simon Says telling the younger one to touch herself. My 7yo told me everything. She was really upset. She said it made her feel very weird and scared. She said she did it because if she didn't her sister would be really mad at her. The older one didn't touch her or vice versa but when I found them they had only been in there for maybe 5 minutes. I haven't talked to my 10yo about it yet. Not sure how to approach it, I am confused and saddened by my older daughter's actions. She knew what she was doing was very wrong. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Old 08-22-2014, 10:04 PM
 
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It's quite possible she has been molested. I suggest talking to her by gently asking her questions about where she got the idea for it, if anyone has done similar things to her.

I would ask her very directly who else she plays with by talking her pants off.

I would also assure her that I completely and totally loved her.

I would also talk to your younger DD and ask if things like this have happened before, and if she says no, ask why she thought her sister would get mad. I would work with her on saying NO, even if it makes other people mad. Its really OK to make other people mad, its better than feeling icky.

I'm very sorry your family is going through this. If it does turn out that your older DD has been molested, there are agencies available in major cities that can help.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 08-25-2014, 07:25 AM
 
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It's common for children who have been abused to act out their experiences with other children.... as a way to make sense of things, to cope. It could be curiosity on your 10-year-olds part which isn't abnormal but I think it's at least worth looking into the possibility that she experienced something uncomfortable herself. I do hope that's not the case.

Married mom of two, DD 17 and DS 13.
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Old 09-23-2014, 09:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lachingona1 View Post
I found my daughters in the closet yesterday. Both had their pants off. The older one was playing Simon Says telling the younger one to touch herself. My 7yo told me everything. She was really upset. She said it made her feel very weird and scared. She said she did it because if she didn't her sister would be really mad at her. The older one didn't touch her or vice versa but when I found them they had only been in there for maybe 5 minutes. I haven't talked to my 10yo about it yet. Not sure how to approach it, I am confused and saddened by my older daughter's actions. She knew what she was doing was very wrong. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
When I was about 10, I began playing "sexy" games with my little sister and our mom (thankfully) burst in on us one day so I quickly and SHAMEFULLY got out of the bed room and mom never mentioned it again to me but I believe she said something to my little sister. I knew the whole time that something was not OK with the way I was behaving with my sister so I can not plead innocence or ignorance, etc. I never tried to play sexy games with her again but now, after doing a lot of memory work and therapy, I can see that my concepts and understanding of sexual things was very twisted and corrupt thanks to either inadequate parental information or some as yet undiscovered mental/emotional damages from before our sister was even born. I do not recall anything like molestation or sexual offenses but I had a very twisted and disgusting attitude towards sex for much of my life and believed that sexual intercourse was: bad, wrong, dirty, sinful, sick, FRIGHTENING, etc. I may have walked in on mom and dad during love making and came away with a damaged concept of sexual activities. As some other poster mentioned, the 10 yo may be a victim of sexual molestation and is trying to "act out" her corrupted feelings by doing something similar with the little kid.
I would recommend therapy ASAP for the 10 yo.
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