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#1 of 24 Old 08-22-2014, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Social Media

My 11 year old keeps asking me for Facebook & Instagram accounts.

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#2 of 24 Old 08-25-2014, 12:58 PM
 
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I've been having a REALLY hard time dealing with this issue with my 15 year old. I don't want to snoop on him, but I keep seeing more and more stories about people getting in trouble with social media. And when I do find time in my busy schedule to actually check - I usually see at least one post that I ask him to remove just to be safe. And then I kick myself for not checking more often. So I bounce back and forth between being more vigilant but still giving him his privacy.

He uses Facebook not Instagram, so please let me know when Facebook is available!

Interested to hear what other mothers have to say about this topic.

- G
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#3 of 24 Old 08-25-2014, 03:54 PM
 
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I agree! My kids mostly use Instagram because they are only 12 and we have not yet allowed them on Facebook. But even just on instagram, I see their friends posting inappropriate things. They are kids and I think they really need more direction and supervision because growing up with social media is a whole new world, and this generation is really the first to live with it. I think this idea of giving some protection is a great one, and i definitely advocate this! I am also going to tell my other mom friends because I think my kids will go for it more if they know their friends have it too.
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#4 of 24 Old 08-25-2014, 04:19 PM
 
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DH has a Master's in Information Security, so this hits very close to home for us. Once information goes out on the internet, you can never get it back. We started educating the kids in our family at a very young about what is and is not appropriate. We have even gone through their (and their friends feeds) and used examples.

There is no such thing as electronic privacy, and we are very open about that in our house. So anything that is posted online, sent via email or text, can (and will be) reviewed. If they write in a journal or diary, I would not read that. We have been very forthright that if you do not want us to know about it, don't post it online.

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#5 of 24 Old 08-26-2014, 06:46 AM
 
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I thought I'm being too strict with my kids. I'm a single mom with too much on my plate, I've become very impatient with these kinds of issues at home. I have been looking and reading different articles about social media and teens these days. I just think it seems they are becoming out of control!!!
I came across this post and thought of asking @Lisa , how does this work? Just in case, I've also sent you an email. I think this is the first time I've seen this kind of offer. Want to know more.

xoxo - cathy
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#6 of 24 Old 08-26-2014, 09:56 AM
 
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Good to see I'm not alone on this! I've been doing more research and it's pretty scary... It's one thing if they called to the principal's office for something they did on social media - not that I'd be happy about that either - but I'm finding more stories of physical dangers our kids can encounter if they're not careful. This one just happened:

http://www.wfsb.com/story/26311727/p...ughters-closet

I'm asking a few friends if their kids use Instagram so they can try your service until you add Facebook.
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#7 of 24 Old 08-26-2014, 11:43 AM
 
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@Gail - just goosebumps all over! This is so messed up. Well, I think us moms, no matter how hard we try to protect our kids, there are bad people out there like this one you just posted. Gave me an idea to read on more of news similar to this.

Thanks for sharing!

xoxo - cathy
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#8 of 24 Old 09-02-2014, 10:34 PM
 
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Kids of this generation are hooked to laptops, smartphones and computers. So obviously they feel the need to connect with people online. A simple way to distract them is to enroll them in some activity club related to art, music, science or anything they like. These activities will take up a huge amount of their time and will teach them a lot of things.

Boys & Girls Clubs Of Central Texas

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#9 of 24 Old 09-10-2014, 03:36 PM
 
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My daughter is 12 and has had Facebook for a couple of years and rarely uses it. I don't remember the last time she used it. She's more in to Instagram and You Now and I have had to recently ban her from using You Now. She's pissed but oh well. Such is life.

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#10 of 24 Old 09-10-2014, 03:56 PM
 
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Something like this has come up recently in our house too.

It started when all of the other kids at school were talking about some show on tv and my daughter could not contribute to the conversation b/c we don't have cable. She felt left out.
Another day, all the kids were talking about that Mindcraft game. Well, again, we don't have an Xbox or any kind of videogame system, so she felt left out.
Then there was mention of her friend's slightly older siblings having Facebook accounts. They are only 8, but, we know it's coming soon.
We made the decision to send out kids to public school now we have to deal with some of the 'negative' aspects of it, like TV, Videogames, and Social media.

We've learned to compromise.
For the TV situation, we asked her to find out the name of the show all the other kids are watching and we let her watch some episodes on You Tube. Now she knows the characters, the general story of the show, and will not be left out.
As for the Mindcraft thing. I did some research and looks like it's a somewhat 'educational' game (no point of view shooting one) as long as you don't go online where the other people say mean and nasty things. We have a screen time limit for each kid, so, again they'll be familiar with the game and feel like part of the crowd.

As for the social media thing. Our strategy is to hold off as long as possible and when we let her (and the other kids at some point) have a Facebook account we will be her 'Friend' on it and will keep close tabs on her. We also will only have the one laptop set up in our living room. She will not be getting a smart phone.
You hear a lot of scary stories about kids and social media, but, you know your kids and you'll know when they are mature enough to have something like a Facebook account. It's a new world out there, and I know I like socializing on the web, so I can see the attraction in it. I'm not worried about my daughter, but, my middle son eek! he might need a bit more guidance and supervision.
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#11 of 24 Old 09-12-2014, 09:09 AM
 
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We have limited access to internet anyway, but I want to avoid facebook or mine because such a time suck, so much drama. Newmoongirls.com is a great alternative to facebook for preteen girls, wish there was something similar for boys!
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#12 of 24 Old 10-06-2014, 04:21 PM
 
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My husband and I are not involved in social media. To each his own, but I really find the posting about every movement of our day to be a very prideful and selfish endeavor.

Additionally, some friends I've had for years have said to me, "I wish you had a Facebook, then we could stay in touch". Well, if we were real friends, we would stay in touch on a personal level, when we were able (we are adults here, not time for BFF kid stuff, but a real relationship)..not via what is just easy and convenient and self promoting. We see them as replacement relationships, and that's sad. So, our children do not need replacement relationships. I think the ad's would also hang up the kids on the internet filter we have.

When our oldest was about 16 he wanted it, mostly to keep up on his own activities/schedules with worship leadership with church. We said "OK", as long as we had the password to check on occasion that things were appropriate. He was fine with that. When he went away to Bible college last winter, I asked him to change his password, as we were beyond that issue any longer.

I think it's sad that so much of the world operates in this impersonal way, but it does. Our kids can have real relationships until such a time that they have to be involved in order to be part of adult-type things.

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#13 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 09:19 AM
 
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I think it's sad that so much of the world operates in this impersonal way, but it does.
It's not impersonal for me. I don't think you should judge something you haven't any personal experience with. I find Facebook at least the way my family uses it to be anything but impersonal. My kids have rich relationships with their mostly-older cousins and their aunts and uncles, who live across the country, that have grown largely through private family Facebook groups. They would never have known these people if they only had a brief family meetup every five or six years in which to make connections. They keep up relationships with their music mentors and former teachers. They maintain friendships with other young people they've met at summer camps, encouraging each other in various challenges, sharing what they're working on, posting their creative efforts in music and art, cheering each other on. They take on various creative projects collaboratively, like the photo-a-day and weekly photo challenge my dd did last spring or the improvisation my ds did last winter with an adult friend who lives too far away to meet in person for mixing and editing. My kids can be themselves in casual written conversation on-line, commenting with their own characteristic styles and sense of humour. They can get endearing peeks into the daily lives of people they care about. For my kids and myself, Facebook is all about maintaining meaningful connections to people we have real relationships with. It adds another layer to relationships that, due to time and distance constraints, benefit from the contact.

There are plenty of examples of misuse of the medium, but you could make the same argument about any communication modality. For example, telephones: people behave badly on the phone, they call about stupid things, the immediacy of a phone call so rarely necessary, what happened to writing letters or just visiting people in person, and so on. Those arguments are all legitimate in some circumstances, but telephones can also serve a valuable role, and just because they're sometimes misused doesn't mean that children need to be banned from using them. We actually much prefer Facebook messages to phone calls in most cases, because phone calls are ruder: they intrude in the recipient's life in real time, demanding to be responded to with no regard for whether it's convenient, whereas messaging waits for the recipient to be ready to receive the contact.

Social media isn't bad. It's just a tool, like any other tool, that can be used for good or misused. I prefer my kids to learn to use the tool adeptly while they're still well inside my sphere of influence and guidance. As a bonus I very much appreciate the good that has already come of enhancing their long-distance relationships with family and friends.

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#14 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 09:32 AM
 
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My kids have rich relationships with their mostly-older cousins and their aunts and uncles, who live across the country, that have grown largely through private family Facebook groups. They would never have known these people if they only had a brief family meetup every five or six years in which to make connections. They keep up relationships with their music mentors and former teachers.

Same here.

Additionally, my kids use it to make plans with their friend group here. There's nothing impersonal about using a medium that allows the whole group to figure out which showing of a movie they all will go to, or whose house to hang out at on Friday night.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#15 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 09:33 AM
 
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I had personal experience with it, via my son's account.

I did say "to each his own" regarding this, but was offering an opinion based on a thread asking for it.

I'm glad it meets your needs. I realize most people enjoy Facebook.

Blessed Christian Wife and Homeschooling Mother to 8: 17 (our 1st homeschool graduate!), 12, 11, 9, 5, 4, 2 and with blessing #9 and #10 due to arrive April 2015



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#16 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 11:41 AM
 
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part of what you said is:

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyFillingQuiver View Post
I really find the posting about every movement of our day to be a very prideful and selfish endeavor.

...We see them as replacement relationships, and that's sad. So, our children do not need replacement relationships. ...
I think it's sad that so much of the world operates in this impersonal way, but it does. Our kids can have real relationships until such a time that they have to be involved in order to be part of adult-type things.

It's really quite nasty and judgmental. Basically, with "to each his own," you aren't implying that Facebook works well for some people as part of meaningful relationships, but rather that you are fine with other people being prideful, selfish and sad.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#17 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 11:54 AM
 
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I have to make judgement calls about what I want to be involved in and what I want my children to be involved in. If I thought it was beneficial, we would do it. Rather, I see it as not beneficial for us.

I'm not really interested in what other people do with their time online, nor do I have anything to say about it unless asked why we don't do it. I don't see Facebook as evil or bad, but when I get to the crux of "why do I not want to be part of it" there has to be a reason. I'm sure much good has been done there. I realize most people don't view Facebook this way.

I apologize if it seems harsh-it is an opinion I don't usually spout off and tell people unsolicited, but this was a post asking. Many people I love and care about and know are on Facebook. Probably most. It changes nothing about my thoughts or feelings about them. That would be judgemental. I know some very dear NOT selfish and NOT prideful folks on Facebook, and they do not appear to use it in those manners, when I was aware of what was being posted. I've also seen people I love and care about drop off of Facebook for similar sentiments, or for being hurt or tired of being so "out there". The overriding theme to me is that it is a bit self-absorbed, but I am sure not every single member of Facebook uses it that way. Just the fact that the photos attached to Facebook accounts are called "selfies" seems to imply that.

Again, I don't have anything negative to say or "judge" what others do online. I do, however, have to utilize a "judgement call" in whether or not we participate. I would rather my children call up a friend to come over, than post online, and again, with the ad's I've seen on Facebook, our filter probably wouldn't allow it anyway.

It's fine if you characterize this as judging. Thankfully, I'm judging whether or not to spend time and involvement in an online social media, and not judging a single person involved..that would be a bit out of control, as most folks I know are on Facebook.

Blessings to you.

Blessed Christian Wife and Homeschooling Mother to 8: 17 (our 1st homeschool graduate!), 12, 11, 9, 5, 4, 2 and with blessing #9 and #10 due to arrive April 2015




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#18 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 01:52 PM
 
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I did say "to each his own" regarding this, but was offering an opinion based on a thread asking for it.
I don't think that saying "to each his own" negates the judgementalism of calling social media use prideful, selfish, sad, self-promoting and impersonal.

A post worded like this....
"From what I've witnessed, social media use tends to focus on superficial aspects of relationships and offer little that I feel my children need. I prefer them to have real, in-person relationships and worry that adding social media would impoverish those relationships. I know others may feel differently, but that's the reasoning behind my choice."

would have been very different in scope and tone from what you said. It's a statement about personal experience and personal choice, not a wholesale judgement of others' experiences and choices. I'm not taking issue with your choices, just with the judgmental style with which you communicated your reasoning.

Oh, and I believe mothering forums qualify as social media.

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#19 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 02:23 PM
 
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I am sorry I did not convey my point the way you would like me to. I find your correction of my point and tone to be a bit condescending. I am not a child. I tried to clarify, but instead you continue to correct me.

Interestingly, there was a once very active tribe on Mothering, that focused on not being a member of Facebook for the very same reasons I have posted. http://www.mothering.com/forum/group...ook-tribe.html

I am sure every one of those mama's that have made a personal decision to avoid Facebook for them and their children have all worded their posts better than me, but yet, their sentiments are the same. I read that tribe years ago, and remember all of them were using broad generalities to examine their reasons for not being on Facebook. I didn't join the tribe because I had nothing new to add.

I realize Mothering forums are a type of social media. I guess this is another error on my part, as I view discussion groups and forums very differently than Facebook. Another mistake on my part. I apologize.

I'll be done now, as I don't intend to offend anyone. That was not my intention.

Hope you have a wonderful day.

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#20 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 02:31 PM
 
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I'm sorry if you felt I was being condescending. You just didn't seem to understand, even in your follow-up post, why the language you used came across as judgmental. I was trying to show you language that, by being specific, self-referential and stated as opinion rather than fact, avoided being construed as judgmental. If you already understood that, I apologize.

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#21 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 02:49 PM
 
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Just the fact that the photos attached to Facebook accounts are called "selfies" seems to imply that. .

A "selfie" is a photo of oneself taken by oneself. It doesn't really have anything to do with Facebook except that some people post them there. It is not even close to accurate to say that photos attached to FB are called selfies.



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#22 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 03:16 PM
 
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A "selfie" is a photo of oneself taken by oneself.
It's short for "self-portrait," and it's been popular (initially in paintings) since the renaissance. I have over 500 photos on Facebook and the only two that are selfies are of my shadow, taken from a ski lift.

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#23 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 03:54 PM
 
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It's short for "self-portrait," and it's been popular (initially in paintings) since the renaissance. I have over 500 photos on Facebook and the only two that are selfies are of my shadow, taken from a ski lift.

Miranda
I used to work in a theme park and "selfies" were huge with single travelers though they had to set-up a tripod for it or just guesstimate and hope for the best. Thank goodness for the selfie as being the family photographer, there would be no pictures at all of me lol. Oh, and my Christmas card photo this year is a family selfie... as was last years! We never get down to the studio and frankly, I like the casualness and fun of squeezing into a photo with the hubby and kids.

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#24 of 24 Old 10-07-2014, 05:32 PM
 
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Interestingly, there was a once very active tribe on Mothering, that focused on not being a member of Facebook for the very same reasons I have posted. http://www.mothering.com/forum/group...ook-tribe.html

I am sure every one of those mama's that have made a personal decision to avoid Facebook for them and their children have all worded their posts better than me, but yet, their sentiments are the same.
Interestingly, I was part of that tribe, and still don't have a Facebook account (for my own personal reasons). My DD's are separately persons, and make separate personal decisions from me. I'm impressed with how they use Facebook in a positive way and deal with the challenges that it can present.

However, for me one the of things that sets mothering.com apart from mainstream parenting at this stage is trusting our offspring to make as many of their own choices as possible and having faith that they don't have to be just like us to still be OK.

BTW, my kids' friend group has 12 people in it, and it is much easier to coordinate that many people online rather than on the phone.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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