Originally Posted by sereneimago
I think her anorexia at the time (which started out as a fad with other school girls and was short-lived) has been helped by his healthy attitudes about food and healthy food in particular.
I don't understand this. Anorexia is a serious emotional issue that is difficult to overcome and often effects people for years. Was she anorexic, as in diagnosed and treated for anorexia, or did she just do some dieting that you felt was inappropriate?
What you are saying with be analogous to someone talking about their teen being an alcoholic, but it just being a fad with some other kids. It doesn't work that way.
Just as a parent whose teen is alcoholic but currently doing really well would be concerned about them structuring their life for continued success, if your DD had an eating disorder you should continue to be concerned, especially as she is considering quitting everything in her life, dropping ALL her friends, and choosing isolation.
Why does my homelife sound bad? My husband and I argue a few times a week, which seldom happens in my daughter's presence. We live in a very creative, musical, artistic household and eat organic mostly vegetarian food. We support our daughter's interests and buy her tools to use in her hobbies, which sometimes lie neglected in her room, but she has them.
Different people can have different experiences living in the same household. I think that something is off for her to consider such a drastic move. If it is so great *for her,* then why does she want to go?
I think if she were moving toward something, it wouldn't be a red flag. If she were pursing some very cool option that she was jazzed about. But she isn't. She just wants out.
She taught herself piano and music composition, though she has given up music production. She has given up most of her hobbies since starting C.C., other than watching K-pop videos and K-dramas, which she is obsessed with. She claims the workload is too much for her to continue her hobbies.
She wasn't doing her work. these are all red flags for depression
I would like for her to go to counseling, go to the dentist to get a tooth fixed which is bothering her,
I don't understand that. I have a teen with autism and she gets the medical care she needs to, even though it is sometimes a struggle. You need to make an appointment and take her to the dentist, or take every single thing away from her (TV, computer, money, phone, everything) until she goes.
Her tooth could continue to get worse and worse and affect the teeth around it. She's a minor, you are the parent. Get the tooth fixed.
have at least one activity such as dance that she enjoys, and I would not like for her to be so isolated to have the experience of academic success. I would like for her to volunteer and have encouraged her to get involved with first graders at the local school. I am a nag, with mixed success.
stop nagging, and apreciate all the stuff she does do. You just listed how often she sees her friends, a gifted program she did this summer, new friends she made there, etc. Now you are complaining that she doesn't do enough.
volunteer work is optional.
hour often to see friends is a choice she can make herself
needed medical care is required. now. no nagging, just make it happen.
No one has mentioned the newborn as a factor, but that is one of the main reasons why I hesitate to let my daughter go- I know newborns' temperaments are unpredictable, and even the sleepy ones often wake up with colic at around 3 weeks.
I did. One of the reasons I see this as a desperate desire on her part is because there will be two children under 2. In addition to all the things you listed, the older one will need to make peace with sharing mom's very limited time with baby, which most likely will result in a lot of screaming and crying.
Has she talked about her ability to help them?
After talking with my daughter today, I feel more open to her going, mostly because she has chosen it has her wish, but I still feel like it is not the best in my heart of hearts. I promised to her that I would consider it,
At least make her get her teeth seen to first. The last thing your friends need, on top of their own children, is a dental emergency with a some one else's teen.
I don't understand the passive approach of "I can't make her." Unless she is capable of supporting herself, you can make her. I think that *making* things happen should be used in a very limited bases for many reasons (so kids learn to do things themselves for their own internal reasons, because overuse damages the relationship, because all people deserve to make a lot of their own choices including some bad ones) but there is a limit. When the teen really isn't capable or the long term consequences are TOO great, then I see it as our job to step in.
With my kids, I most likely would let them go with some cavets (like getting medical stuff up to date first, being clear on how they will contribute to the household such as taking over cleaning the kitchen every night, and having a minimum GPA). I tend to lean towards having experiences that we want to have, even if they end up being kind of crappy.
I would also check into how her school posts grades on line. Both my DD who is in community college and my DD who is in highschool can see their grades on-line during the semester. They can see at a glance if an assignment is missing.