How should I tell my child I don't like her friends? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-04-2014, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How should I tell my child I don't like her friends?

My 14 year old girl often invites her friends at home and I don't like some of them. I just don't feel like their good influence of her and don't know how to tell my daughter about it. How should I approach my child about this thing? Any advice would be a great help. Thanks

My love for children has seen me featured in many education and children websites, whether talking about healthy snacks, motivating students or children's fashion at Bonza Brats. I love reading books, and shopping is my way of spending time with my young family. If you would like to catch me, you can via Google+ or Twitter: @HollyEasterby
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#2 of 4 Old 09-04-2014, 08:21 PM
 
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I probably wouldn't. I would ask her in a low key, non accusatory way what qualities she values in her friends. I would comment positively on the friends you do like... especially if she seems happier or more open when she's with them. I would encourage her to get involved in some other activities that would widen her social pool. At 14 though, you risk starting a power struggle over who her friends are and that's not a good move.

Married mom of two, DD 17 and DS 13.
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#3 of 4 Old 09-04-2014, 09:08 PM
 
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Totally agree with whatsnextmom. I wouldn't say anything. There's almost zero chance that she'll say "Oh, wow, I hadn't noticed that they weren't nice girls. Thanks for filling me in. I guess I'd better stop hanging out with them." Instead you'll make her angry, and she'll stick by them all the more.

If you've done a good job instilling values, you can bet she's more than aware of her friends' shortcomings and is simply choosing to look past them for the time being, for reasons that are meaningful to her. If she gets hurt in these friendships, or makes some mistakes as a result of them, you'll be in a good position to offer her whatever support or sounding board she needs. She would hardly come to you for support if she risks an "I told you so" sort of response.

Oh, and given that she's probably going to hang out with these kids no matter what, and that you fear they may be bad influences, it is far better that they all feel comfortable coming to your house to hang out, where you can keep more awareness of what their up to. If you make it clear you don't like her friends, they'll just find other places to be together, places where you have no idea what they're up to.

Miranda

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

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#4 of 4 Old 09-06-2014, 02:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah that's what I thought too. Glad I didn't make a move yet. Consulted some of my fellow moms too and they have the same opinions as yours too. Thanks again!

My love for children has seen me featured in many education and children websites, whether talking about healthy snacks, motivating students or children's fashion at Bonza Brats. I love reading books, and shopping is my way of spending time with my young family. If you would like to catch me, you can via Google+ or Twitter: @HollyEasterby
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