Some background: I have been a member of mothering.com for about 14 years but have not posted in about 10 years. I am a single mom with a 14 year old girl. We co-slept, homeschooled, breast fed until she was 2 1/2, refused vacs, etc. I am 57 - an 'older' mom. I am straight. I know that because I have never had a desire to kiss another person of the same sex. I was absolutely a tomboy in an age when bisexuality was not discussed, nor was it even a part of my consciousness. I do not feel deprived or repressed about my own sexuality. I am not homophobic. My daughter and I are both very involved with a church that has a gay pastor.
As a toddler and girl, my daughter insisted on wearing dresses, and was quite the girly girl. We moved to a new city, only a half hour drive from where we used to live, when she was 10. She just happened to fall in with a group of friends that are gay or bisexual or pansexual. She now says that she is bisexual. I am sort of OK with that. I will even use male pronouns if that is what she wants, but she is (right now) very clear that she prefers female pronouns.
I understand that being bi-curious is 'normal,' though I don't remember ever going through that phase even though I was a tomboy. If she truly is bi or pan, to be honest, I could not say that I would not be disappointed, but I can say that I will still love her unconditionally. My disappointment would come from *my* expectation of having a son-in-law not being realized. I am aware that that is my issue to deal with, and not hers. But... I cannot help but think that if she had fallen in with a different group of friends that things would have been very different. What really bothers me is that it seems to be the 'in' thing to be something other than straight. I can't get the word 'phase' out of my internal vocabulary.
We do not have an adversarial relationship, and we talk pretty well. Today, I asked her if she is attracted to someone. She said no. I asked her, out of curiosity, how does she know if she is bisexual if she is not attracted to someone. That was apparently the wrong question to ask! I also (gently) suggested that she might not want to use the word bisexual to describe herself because that description might change with time. She rather angrily said, "Ok! Today I am bisexual!" Did I say something wrong?!?
I did a search on this forum for 'bisexual' and was astounded to find NOTHING in the search results! Any thoughts or experiences or suggestions that you would like to share would be appreciated. Please no flaming - I am asking to have a very open discussion about sexuality for today's teens. I am turning to you, younger moms, for discussion and guidance. Sorry this is so long!
As a toddler and girl, my daughter insisted on wearing dresses, and was quite the girly girl. We moved to a new city, only a half hour drive from where we used to live, when she was 10. She just happened to fall in with a group of friends that are gay or bisexual or pansexual. She now says that she is bisexual. I am sort of OK with that. I will even use male pronouns if that is what she wants, but she is (right now) very clear that she prefers female pronouns.
I understand that being bi-curious is 'normal,' though I don't remember ever going through that phase even though I was a tomboy. If she truly is bi or pan, to be honest, I could not say that I would not be disappointed, but I can say that I will still love her unconditionally. My disappointment would come from *my* expectation of having a son-in-law not being realized. I am aware that that is my issue to deal with, and not hers. But... I cannot help but think that if she had fallen in with a different group of friends that things would have been very different. What really bothers me is that it seems to be the 'in' thing to be something other than straight. I can't get the word 'phase' out of my internal vocabulary.
We do not have an adversarial relationship, and we talk pretty well. Today, I asked her if she is attracted to someone. She said no. I asked her, out of curiosity, how does she know if she is bisexual if she is not attracted to someone. That was apparently the wrong question to ask! I also (gently) suggested that she might not want to use the word bisexual to describe herself because that description might change with time. She rather angrily said, "Ok! Today I am bisexual!" Did I say something wrong?!?
I did a search on this forum for 'bisexual' and was astounded to find NOTHING in the search results! Any thoughts or experiences or suggestions that you would like to share would be appreciated. Please no flaming - I am asking to have a very open discussion about sexuality for today's teens. I am turning to you, younger moms, for discussion and guidance. Sorry this is so long!