teen drinking - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 05-29-2004, 11:18 PM - Thread Starter
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okay, my little ones are a long way off from teenage years, but i was wondering how other ap parents approach drinking as a teen...my own brother had some alcohol issues as a teen and I would like to avoid a repeat in our family...what do you do?
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#2 of 8 Old 05-30-2004, 12:33 AM
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my approach is a little different than most (ok, a lot different, lol). i'll allow drinking in moderation-with moderation being the key word. i think this will enable my teen to do most, if not all of his alcohol experimentation in the safety of our home, until he understands his limits, and what effect drinking has on him.

i wasn't allowed to drink at all, and was getting loaded by 13yo. i vowed to not make it taboo with my kids, and i've done that
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#3 of 8 Old 05-31-2004, 10:19 AM
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Alcool is not a taboo here, we always have been open about drinking... good and bad sides are exposed and responsible drinking have been discussed. (we have alcoolics in extended family)

My dd is 13 and not interested at all in alcoolic beverages - she tried a sip of beer and dislike the taste, will taste my wine if we buy a new one but she can't stand the taste. (ds, 6yo, also taste... or dip his lip in our glass, and wonder how we can enjoy this :LOL ) Both kids prefer fruit juices mixed with carbonated water Dd like Coolers tho, but I make sure they are *desalcoolized*?? (0.5%) those drinks can be dangerous as they taste almost like juices!!

I can't predict the future but I surely hope my relation with dd will remain open about alcool as her teenages pass by.

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#4 of 8 Old 05-31-2004, 12:48 PM
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I think the approach can vary widely depending on your family history and genetic factors.

My dd's dad is Native American, and he has the ability to drink huge amounts without getting sick (he's an alcoholic). Dd, in all likelihood, inherited this gene, which makes drinking very dangerous for her. There is a lot of alcoholism in other members of the family, as well.

Alcohol is poisonous to her, mostly because of her genetic heritage, but also becuase of her family history. I plan on teaching her that, and will not tolerate her drinking in any form.

If you don't have family hisotry or genetic issues, I guess it's up to each individual to decide what works for their family.
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#5 of 8 Old 05-31-2004, 01:06 PM
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i agree with the other posters. My daughters biological father is/was an alchoholic so I do want to keep that in mind. She is also the most anti-drug teen i've ever met. lol. She's done the DARE program. twice. She is on her dad daily to quit smoking cigarettes (ok, we all are)....

she has done some reading recently for a class project on hemp and is for the legalization of marajuana. She says she woudl be tempted to try pot just to see what the fuss is all about, but she dislikes the fact that you have to smoke it - she is very against smoking anything. Too many relatives have died of lung cancer.

as for drinking - she's turning 15 this fall. She has had sips of wine, beer and wine coolers of different kinds. She has had champagne at weddings. I'm really trying not to make a big deal out of it. We've discussed the concept of everything in moderation. She sees our family have wine with dinner and not get 'drunk' or 'wasted'.

wasn't allowed to drink at all, and was getting loaded by 13yo. i vowed to not make it taboo with my kids, and i've done that
I could've written this.
I've also made it a point to discuss alchohol and drugs with my daughter openly and honestly. She understands that her bio father was an alcoholic and that she will need to make careful choices.

My daughter is turning 15 and I know we're in for alot of issues over the next few years. I just really hope and pray that our open relationship - the fact that we talk about absolutely everything, will help us get thru it.
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#6 of 8 Old 06-03-2004, 07:37 AM
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I think making anything taboo is dangerous. How exciting something is once we know we aren;t allowed it!

All the men in my extended family are alcoholics, as are my dh's family. We drink in moderation. Wine with dinner, or a cold beer at the BBQ. My kids know that you can enjoy an alcoholic drink for the taste, or you can get a buzz or you can make a fool of yourself. They've tasted my wine, beer, etc. They find it tastes gross...as did most of us when we were young.

My eldest was home last summer and decided to go out 'partying' with MY old group of party friends. I **** hang with a few of them, but my party days are behind me (I've known these people since HS). I warned her that these people were heavy drinkers and that she'd have to be careful.

Ahh, she laughed and laughed. Whatdid I take her for? A kid? SHe lives out of state and drinks at parties etc. She told me I had no idea how much she could drink.

The next day my friend returned with my daughter. She was laying down in the car, sick. We were camping, so the friend took her to her house and kept her all day. DD told me afterwards that she had never seen people drink like that, and that she'd never been so sick. (these old friends also mentioned that she spent most of the party lying on the floor, moaning.

Now she wants to know how I ever managed to hang out with these people! (Hmm, no one forced the booze down my throat! I just didn't drink like them. )
What that had to do with anything, I'm not sure!

Anyway, I allow my kids to see and try alcohol. It's not some mystery liquid that can make them popular or pretty. We talk often about date rape, girls getting to drunk to know if they mean yes or no, dates getting too drunk to care.

But the drinking age is 21. I'm clear about the fact that undergae drinking, outside with friends , etc, is a big no-no. Being 18, and having a few while you watch the game, or whatever, at thome, is ok. Being 16 and doing the same thing, isn't such a great idea. 16 yo are immortal! They never believe they'll be caught or hurt anyone. And they aren't always clear about how importatn it is to be cool. And they want to drink with friends, not alone with mum and dad. It's a fine line.

And now for a reality check-in....How am I doind with the finished product? 1 in each camp. My dd is an occassional drinker. My son is drinking wayyyy too much.

You do your best. It goes the way it goes!
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#7 of 8 Old 06-04-2004, 08:07 AM
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I have already talked to my 8 year old about alcohol.
I don't believe drinking is necessarily the major problem, but what one does while drinking. She's seen the news where a 17 year old had 3 beers got into a car and killed a newborn baby.
We talked about how a persons body loses the ability to reason clearly when drinking too much.
Although this sounds extreme it can happen, like so many other things.
I will not make drinking taboo. However, I will discuss often - moderation.
I didn't drink til I was in college, and even then it wasn't too often.
We have talked about it often. I'm not trying to brainwash her, just give her all the facts. I hope she doesn't drink at least until after high school, but if she does I know at least we've had many discussions on the topic. I am realistic and know how many kids do drink and drink a lot. I guess we do what we can do.
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#8 of 8 Old 06-08-2004, 10:44 PM
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My father was an alchoholic and I hate drinking and drunk people as a result.

My DD (17) and DS's (15) father lets them have drinks at his place when they are visiting and I've told him I disagree with that but cannot stop it. (We are both divorced and remarried)

The kids know that the law says 18 and I won't buy or sanction drinking for them until then. I've done the explanation thing - about what alchol can do and how moderation is important when the time comes.

There are very few things in life I'm immovable on but this is one of them.

Too many bad memories of a drunken father I guess.
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