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13yo DS wakes up in the middle of night!!!

2K views 7 replies 6 participants last post by  lauren 
#1 ·
This has been happening for almost 1 year, on and off, but lately more on than off. I am a single mom and we have separate bedrooms, he goes to sleep fine, then in the middle of the night he wakes up and comes to my bed...falls right back to sleep but I wake up and cannot sleep anymore. I tried explaining to him that if I don't sleep through the night I cannot function the next day. I tried sending him back to his bed, he says he is scared. During the day we talk about what is there to be scared of, he thinks someone can break into the house while we sleep. We live in a safe neighborhood, nothing ever happened to us or anyone we know that could cause him to feel this way. I imagine it could be something he watches, and the images come back at night. For 2 weeks, while my mom was visiting I slept in his room, on extra airmattress and he was fine, just knowing that I was in the room with him...I thought that from now on he was "cured" but, she left and now he started it again. I feel exhausted, sleep deprived all day dragging myself around...
Any ideas would be helpful!! Thanks!!
 
#3 ·
Night light and both sleep with doors open so he doesn't feel so separated from you? Honestly, if that was my son (who did do this for a couple of years solid until he was 10) I would really sit him down and tell him he is putting my health at risk, and he would start to be punished for it by losing privileges such as screen/computer time among other things.

If his fear is from something he watches/plays during the day, then he is to young to see whatever it is, and so you need to step in on that.


It took the "my health is now in danger" talk to get through to my son I really needed undisturbed sleep. Once every few weeks (5 to 8) he will ask if he can sleep with me and I will say yes on a Friday or Saturday evening, and he's happy with that.
 
#5 ·
Has he always had problems with sleep in some way? Perhaps he is having the teenage version of night terrors, which are connected to brain wave activity that the person does not really have control over.

I would think at age 13 he would be somewhat self-conscious about sleeping with his mom and would be internally motivated to be in his own bed. That's what makes me wonder if it is something 'organic.'
 
#7 ·
When I was about this age, perhaps a bit younger, I spent hours each night in a state of sheer terror. The fears shifted over time - fire, burglars, aliens, murderers, even sexual assault - as I became aware of these things. I would stand paralyzed at my door for hours before working up the courage to run to my parents' room. Then they'd tell me it was all in my imagination and send me angrily back to bed. Obviously the things I fears were imaginary, but the terror was very, very real. I'm not sure how to help you stop your son's night wakings, but I think it's really important to take his fear seriously.
 
#8 ·
I just remembered something. THe Gesell Institute psychologists promote the idea that children have periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium. They take two steps forward and one step back in other words. I found this to be so true for my children. On this page they go through the different stages of childhood and the 'steps back' that are typical.

http://centerforparentingeducation....er-coaster-of-equilibrium-and-disequilibrium/

One of my children, male, really increased in anxiety in tandem with his increasing awareness of his gender and power dynamics in the world. He did get more reflective and then anxious at this age.
 
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