Parents, if a 17 year old was dating a 19 year old, how would you view it? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 12-30-2016, 11:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Parents, if a 17 year old was dating a 19 year old, how would you view it?

In this situation, how would you react? Would you be ok with it?
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#2 of 19 Old 12-30-2016, 12:07 PM
 
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what's the issue, exactly?

That isn't a huge age difference, is it that one is still in high school and one isn't? I'd have a big issue with something like a 14 yr old (girl) going out with with a 24 yr old (boy) because of the obvious age differences and the fact that it's illegal besides the fact that a 14 year old girl is super young and vulnerable. I did know of a family who condoned this situation, I found it unfathomable. But 17 and 19, they could be in college or university together, and be living on their own no? I had moved out at around that age.
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#3 of 19 Old 12-30-2016, 12:13 PM
 
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If the relationship was healthy and respectful, I'd view it no differently than two 18-year-olds dating. Some schools are really tightly age-stratified, and I guess that makes people view it as odd when teens start seeing someone outside of their birth-year. Personally I think tight age-stratification of social contacts is what's weird. Where I live a two-year age-difference in teen romantic relationships is common and normal.

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#4 of 19 Old 12-30-2016, 12:51 PM
 
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No issues with a 17 and 19 yr old.

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#5 of 19 Old 12-30-2016, 01:16 PM
 
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Not a really big deal.

Are you worried about statutory rape becoming an issue? In many places, a close age gap is enough to prevent the charge. For example, when I was 17, I became pg by a 19yo. Even though he was over 18, he could not be charged with a crime bc we were just 25 months apart. If he had been a year or two older, he could potentially have gotten into trouble.
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#6 of 19 Old 12-31-2016, 04:10 PM
 
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It wouldn't bother me, but when I was 16 I dated a 23 year old and at 19 I was dating a 16 year old.
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#7 of 19 Old 01-01-2017, 02:19 PM
 
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I wouldn't have any issue with that age difference. Heck, my husband and I started dating at 14 and 17 and we've had 30 years together.

Are you worried about the legality of it if their relationship becomes sexual....or?
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#8 of 19 Old 01-06-2017, 04:15 AM
 
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I would be totally fine with it as long as I see that no one is exploited. If the relationship is healthy I see no problem. Especially I guess at 17 you already talked a lot about relationship, sex etc. with your daughter.
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#9 of 19 Old 01-06-2017, 10:54 AM
 
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I would be totally fine with it as long as I see that no one is exploited. If the relationship is healthy I see no problem. Especially I guess at 17 you already talked a lot about relationship, sex etc. with your daughter.

Why do you assume the 17 year old is the girl and the OP's daughter?
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#10 of 19 Old 01-06-2017, 02:40 PM
 
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With ages that close, I'd be more concerned with their respective maturity levels than their birth dates. I've known immature late teens of either sex, and advanced ones, as well. I generally prefer to see partners of similar "age and stage" and this is an age group with wide variety on that. An ambitious young women with her eye on college at 17 shouldn't date the same young person as her age peer who is hanging out behind the Dairy Queen might find suitable.
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#11 of 19 Old 01-07-2017, 11:50 AM
 
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As long as you feel it would be consensual no matter what they "got in to". That is always were I drew the line.
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#12 of 19 Old 01-07-2017, 12:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Blake Zangetsu View Post
In this situation, how would you react? Would you be ok with it?
Lets look at it from this point of view. What if it was 14 and 16 or 20 and 22. I think its a safety thing, both the children need to be made aware of the laws and consequences. They need to be supported and educated more then controlled. My son is 14 and well aware of the laws and consequences and it has made him weary of dating at all. From here forward we will throw a reminder at him. We have also had the the birds and bees talk and advised him if anything at all comes up that all cards need to be on the table.
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#13 of 19 Old 01-16-2017, 06:10 AM
 
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I think as long as you have talked over everything (sex, consent, consequences, respect in relationships) with your child (assuming one of these is your child) then I see no problem with it. If the 17 year old is still living at home then technically it's still a "my roof my rules" scenario because he/she is not an adult in the eyes of the law yet. But if everyone is respecting the parents' rules for the 17 y/o I think it is not too big of an age gap.
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#14 of 19 Old 01-24-2017, 04:29 PM
 
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Lets look at it from this point of view. What if it was 14 and 16 or 20 and 22. I think its a safety thing, both the children need to be made aware of the laws and consequences. They need to be supported and educated more then controlled. My son is 14 and well aware of the laws and consequences and it has made him weary of dating at all. From here forward we will throw a reminder at him. We have also had the the birds and bees talk and advised him if anything at all comes up that all cards need to be on the table.
17 and 19 year olds aren't children.
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#15 of 19 Old 01-24-2017, 07:23 PM
 
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My first thought is to make sure no one is breaking the law. : p Even if you don't agree with the law, breaking the law of the age of consent isn't a good idea. Seems like it's age 16-18 in most U.S. states, don't know about other countries.

After that, I think the age difference of two years is OK, especially if the maturity level is about the same.
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#16 of 19 Old 01-24-2017, 07:31 PM
 
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Is it really true that people under 18 can't legally consent to sex in some US states? Wow.

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#17 of 19 Old 01-24-2017, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
Is it really true that people under 18 can't legally consent to sex in some US states? Wow.

Miranda
There are, but most states have "close in age exemptions" For example, in our state age of consent is 16, but as long as both partners are older than 12 and have no more than a 4 year age gap they couldn't be prosecuted.
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#18 of 19 Old 01-24-2017, 11:34 PM
 
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Is it really true that people under 18 can't legally consent to sex in some US states? Wow.

Miranda
Yep! In Alaska it's 16; Arizona, 18; California, 18; Colorado, 17. Each state has its own variations.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_o..._United_States

It is probably very rare than teenagers are convicted of statutory rape when it's clear they are in a consensual relationship, but I know it's happened and I wanted my kids to be aware of it.

I'd be looking for other red flags....possessiveness, depression, etc. The two year age difference alone doesn't send up a flag for me.

At the same time, is there a shorthand on this forum for "But I don't want my kids doing what I did when I was their age!" BIDWMKDWIDWIWTA, maybe? lol
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#19 of 19 Old 04-21-2017, 06:04 AM
 
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That's not a huge age difference. If your kid is happy then it's not a problem.
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