mouthy, moody- who is worse? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-10-2004, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
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DH or DD?? Once again they were yelling. I have tried in the past to break it up, interfere or stay out. I am never sure how to best handle it. She is so mouthy and attitudy to him. (bio dad if that matters) I don't know if I don't see it, I let it slide or she really is worse for him.

Tonight she asked if she could go for a walk. I said fine. She came back and asked if she could spend the night at one friend's house. I said ask again, nicer. She did. I said fine with me, check with your dad. I have no idea what his deal was, but they started arguing over her 12 year old brother. I know DH needs to work on timing and forcing her to include ds is wrong, but asking occasionally is ok. He even said he wasn't trying to get her to say yes all the time I will have a tag along. But he went off on her attitude and cancelled the over night, then went off on another tangent.
My problem is, I feel his is right on almost all points, but his timing SUCKS. Telling her it would be nice to take her brother to the movies sometimes when a large group is going is fine. Bringing it up while discussing an over night is wrong. I know this is the first time DH has had a moment to talk to dd since the last major activity, but his issue with that should not creep over!
I also see her point, who wants to hang out with her weird younger brother who has no social graces (dh's hope is he will make them if SHE tells him over us what he does is wrong) and when she chooses to be nice she is so nice. But DH needs to lay off, DD needs to watch her mouth. (does everything have to be so surly? and the body language. Everyone is beneith her. Where did my respectful dd go? None of the other parents seem to see it, notice or experience it. Should I be grateful that she saves it for us? Or scared at how bad her friends are to their parents if they think mine is a model child??

I will talk with DH later and he will concede where he went wrong. It is always the same cycle! Maybe in a few days after this baby is here I can think clearer.... or not. DH and I were talking about ds1 and ways to help him and how I probably should be home ft to parent 5 kids and DH. That almost puts this into parents as partners, but it isn't all DH. It isn't all DD. It seems to be some 'thing' when they get near each other they fight. Wasn't that supposed to be dds and moms? I do not have a normal parent child relationship to guage this against- is this normal? (the surly, you owe me, the world is all about me and how important i am dd, not the fly off the handle dh part)
If this is normal, this may be the best b/c ever!
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#2 of 2 Old 08-12-2004, 09:51 PM
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I don't know if it's normal, but it sounds like my DD and ME! (Both when I was that age, and now that I'm the parent...butting heads with her!)

I can see her point in not wanting her brother to tag along. I was forced to bring my sister along, and believe me, looking back now I treated her even WORSE in front of my friends. That had to have been worse for her than just going it alone or being a "nerd" (pardon that for the lack of another word), and I feel terrible for it now.
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