I was getting pretty annoyed and burnt out a few months ago, too, about this very thing, and resentful of being put in the position of being a nag. I do still have to be a sort of foreman in the mornings and at transition times (8yo D), and I have found that remembering to thank her even when it's something she has to do has helped a lot. For instance, letting her know by thanks and appreciation that it really is a big help to me to have her wipe up the bathroom well every evening after she's done using it. I've gotten stable in terms of making sure everything gets done; as school starts next Wednesday I'm going to relax a little, expect reminders and remind myself to be *really*nice about it, and flexible too. Once we've adjusted to school I would like to move toward less reminding. This may be an unrealistic expectation.
As the last reply said, I've also found that giving her a chance helps with a cooperative attitude. I can't be so open ended as "when you have a chance?" (I'm sure it won't work, though that tells more about me than her!
), but I do say, "when you reach a good place to take a break," "how much do you have left in that chapter? oh, that's a while... could you mark your place and just do this real quick?" "the cats are hungry"- those statements from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen... are really helpful now she's 8
There's still plenty of grumbling but no snapping anymore, and it feels much nicer. I probably sound nicer too, and when I have to be firm, those times when I have to say, "take your shower *now* please," are more effective, and less exhausting for me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to think about this, though, because I often look at baby pics and wonder, "where is she? where'd she go, and when did it happen?"