Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in a library, playing games and doing crafts with kids!
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I know this isn't the same thing, but it worked for us.
My youngest sister is severely retarded. She would just run off as a kid, no worries about cars or who lived in a particular house, she'd race across streets, run into peoples homes and try on their shoes (haha, not funny when you're chasing her through three or four homes! Esp the family that spoke no english, but that's another story) Anyway, we were desperate. My paretns installed alarms. It was reasonably inexpensive, and if ANYONE opened a door or one of the alarmed windows, a piercing sound that would wake the dead went off. My other sis was in her twenties and would often come home in the wee hours. She would open the door, dash through and whip it shut, but it still was an incredible racket.
Lil sis never got out unannounced again!
Also, my paretns were foster parents to many teens. I know lots of folks here will tell you that they did these things too, and they turned out fine. But the ones who were raped and murdered aren't posting. (one of my foster sis's was raped while out after curfew, small town, nice area) Your friend needs to make a decision, her kids or all that other bull. It's time to step up and do the hard work! Adopting kids is great, but it's important to remember that your are getting DNA and hereditary things different than your own, and that it will require more work ! It's hard to parent a child who can use your color against you!
Mom needs to set rules. The boy comes to the house, or she doesn't get to go out with him. Period. You sneak out, you ABSOLUTELY don't go to homecoming. THis shouldn't be something the mother needs to think about! It should have been clear to both parent and child in advance. If the kid does the wrong thing, she loses something dear to her. If she does well, in school and at home, she gets extra priveledges.
A messy house is not a big deal. Maybe you could suggest a party with the girls inviting their friends. (based on behavior) Then the girls could bewrangled into helping to clean up, and if you were feeling brave you could offer to help. It would give the oldest one a reason to behave...no party if you misbehave.
I'd also spend oodles of time with this kid, as a mom. She needs guidance and love, not to be allowed to push her family away!