Unsolicited Advice - Mothering Forums
Preteens and Teens > Unsolicited Advice
kathywiehl's Avatar kathywiehl 06:07 PM 11-10-2004
I recently posted to a local list asking for a homeopathic doctor to help me figure out the possibility of food allergies causing my daughter's behavior issues. See my post "I'm going to lose it" for more info. Anyway, people asked some questions and I explained the situation and here is the response I got via private email from one of the moms-

"I have 4 children. When the youngest was about 4 or
so I heard a lady on a Christian radio station talking
about disciplining children. She said that when one
of her children is in rebellion (will not obey, has no
apparent respect for the parent, talks back, etc.),
she lays the child over her lap, face down, and begins
spanking the child. At first the child bows up his
back, in rebellion to the punishment. When she
finally feels his back relax, the rebellion is gone,
and it is then that she stops spanking and takes him
in her arms. She explains why he got the spanking,
makes sure he understands -- makes sure he understands
this will ALWAYS be the punishment for such behavior
-- and then loves on him. She said if this is done
correctly, she normally does not have to spank anymore
after about the age of 5. The discipline issues are
settled.

Well, I figured better late than never, so I did it
with my youngest son whenever he rebelled. I only had
to do it maybe a half-dozen times. And, he has turned
out to be the easiest of the 4 to deal with, the
quickest to repent when he's sinned, the quickest to
apologize when he's wronged someone. It hasn't taken
the sparkle out of his personality, just the
rebellion."

I don't even know what to say. First of all, my post was not asking for advice on how to control my child, it was asking if anyone knew a good homeopathic doc who wouldn't want to drug her with meds and dismiss her problems as ADD. Not once did I ask for advice on child-rearing. I come HERE for that because I know I won't get these responses!

lynsage's Avatar lynsage 06:14 PM 11-10-2004
ok that is seriously ed up. i would report that person to the mods- even if it was a PM, that's still totally against the MDC user agreement and everything MDC stands for.

oh wait, never mind, you said a local list, not mdc. in that case i'd just email her back giving her a piece of my mind! how intrusive and bizarre!
kathywiehl's Avatar kathywiehl 06:16 PM 11-10-2004
Oh no, it wasn't here on MDC, it was a local moms email list. I just posted a simple question and one thing led to another and she emailed me privately. The funny thing is, I am the moderator of that list- it's a Yahoo group for local moms to buy, sell, trade and barter. So it's not all AP mamas on the list, but still, who would tell someone that they need to spank their child?
MarineWife's Avatar MarineWife 06:36 PM 11-10-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathywiehl
who would tell someone that they need to spank their child?
A lot of people. I used to get that all the time when my oldest was younger. His kindergarten teacher told me I should take him home and give him a good whoopin and the school vice principal asked me for permission for them to spank him with a paddle. This was only about 8 years ago.
TiredX2's Avatar TiredX2 03:30 AM 11-11-2004


Ick
Red's Avatar Red 10:49 AM 11-16-2004
Write back. Ask her if she posted this to you because she needs help with her anger issues. OR if she needs someone to come and protect her kids from the abuse.

Good God, she spanks them till the rebellion is gone out of them? I'm sorry, but the whole post reminded me of a sort of porn site I once saw. A lot of people enjoy spanking, and their was a lot of talk about play that sounded like that womens spanking.

Spanking and then hugging and loving them is probably what made me think of that, but isn't that sick? I just whooped your behind, because I love you so dearly, and want you to understand RESPECT. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug.

SInce when can you beat someone into respectin you?
kathywiehl's Avatar kathywiehl 05:16 PM 11-16-2004
I did write back and we actually had quite a few emails going back and forth for a few days. I think I might have made her think a bit, too. I never judged her for spanking, though I wanted to ask her what the heck she was thinking. I basically said that the problem with my child isn't discipline, but that it is an emotion thing Kayla is going through right now and that not everything is as black and white as she might think. Just because a kid is misbehaving in our eyes, we can't automatically assume that punishment of any kind is going to fix it. We talked about how nutrition can play a big part in a childs behavior and how certain food allergies can cause problems. Hopefully I made her think a bit and maybe if her child has problems, spanking won't be the first thing that comes to mind.

At least that's what I like to think, anyway!
Simply Nurtured's Avatar Simply Nurtured 10:16 PM 12-04-2004
Here I thought I was going to come in this thread and RECEIVE some unsolicited advice. You got any? Just kidding...

Was this lady in the South, too? I am just asking because I spent almost 6 years in Mississippi and I saw things I had never seen in my life. (I grew up in Florida)

I tried to mentor a very mixed up younger mom who married a man who was older than her father for financial security, it was not a good situation, lots of obvious verbal abuse, I don't know what else. I always tried hard to mind my own business and just be there for her, but...

She started carrying around a switch and hitting her baby with it, just because he cried, or crawled off his mat. (He is not a dog, and I would not even do that to a dog, hello~) She had the most beautiful and sweet children and they were terrified, you could see it in their eyes.

I had to distance myself from her, she was getting some very weird ideas from parenting from I do not know where. And her DH did not like her being around other women because his authority might be questioned.

I think it is this kind of stuff that turns people off about "Christians". Please believe me, this is not what real Christians are about.

Sorry that you had to deal with such a non-AP response from this lady. I feel sad for her... She has no idea...

On the allergy topic, I have noticed changes in my youngest after certain foods and I am careful about our diet. But with him, I have to be even more careful. There is a lot of good information out there, but if I can ever be of help, please do not hesitate to email or pm me.


~Wanda
Hayes's Avatar Hayes 10:14 PM 01-13-2005
Ok, Kathy, you are KILLING ME!! I have to know who it is. Of course, I am list moderator, so I need to actually know in case this comes up again. Pm me or email
kathywiehl's Avatar kathywiehl 11:04 PM 01-13-2005
Hayes,

Don't worry it wasn't on the list that you moderate. It was on my list, the Alabama mama swap. I can't even remember her name it was so long ago.
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