sensitive kid in a rowdy home - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-23-2002, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
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I have 3 kids 20,18,and the youngest 14. I am a divorced mom. Our family you could say is more like the Simpsons but the youngest is a sensitive child and the rest of us are more tough. I feel sorry for the little guy. He is entering puberty late and is getting moody and has a lot of sad spells. He has a melancholy nature and pouts when things do not go his way. The other kids are totally insensitive to him and basically tell him to get with the program. I try to understand but feel he needs to get over things. I am a person with a vary tough outside and soft inside. Actually our family is pretty dysfunctional but that is a very long story. I was the most reluctant mother in the world. I love my kids but sadly say if I had to do it again I wouldn't. I went through poverty in their early years and lost everything I had, my home everything. WE went to a shelter and moved up here in Canada from Atlanta and my kids were torn from everything they knew. I guess the pressures got to me and I parented very strictly but with a lot of guilt as to what happened to them. I have explained my feelings to them. I speak very openly but although we love each other, we are a fractured family. We have been to counseling a few times but the kids will not participate. I feel like a total failure as a mother.
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#2 of 2 Old 08-28-2002, 06:27 AM
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My kids dont want to do conseling either <insert pout>
but that doesnt mean I cant get it myself- Ive found mentoring to be effective -
I also raised my family thru some very dysfunctional years but the last few have been blessed with love and recovery- and it feels sososos much better -the guilt doesnt work for me- I look at responsibility rather than fault- and then take appropriate action- agreed you cannot make them go to counseling but what I am doing now<crossing fingers> with oldest son in house now 16 is saying -when a problem arises ask him his solution, tell him mine(close supervision and counseling) -listen to him reject my solution, listen to myself reject his, then come up with a compromise, ok, we try his solution for two weeks- if theres no change we use supervision and if he gets into legal trouble AT ALL(or trouble at school)- we do counseling, since he believes he is above getting into legal trouble or trouble at school<shrug shoulders> and maybe he is- we will see- he agrees to counseling, then if the situation worsens I have his commitment( I wrote a paper and we both signed it) to do counseling-
its making me feel better atleast, like maybe theres boundaries?
I have 5 kids at home and my 10 ds is VERY sensitive, by far more than the rest, altho Ive not yet seen any depression so I welcome it(sensitivity I mean) Like your family there are things the rest of the kids tell him, yell at him to get over it - but...he deals with it usually- I step in sometimes as I do not permit them to yell at each other...but it happens alot anyways...
blessings of love and recovery for you- I hope to see you post more here, we havent all made healthy choices for our families all the time,many here seem to have made alot more healthy starts then I was able to with my children and I allow it to inspire me to make the healthy choices I want to make now-
hang in there- sorry Im rambling
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