Now that your kids are older, anyone got advice for moms of younger kids? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 11-28-2004, 08:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

My dd is almost 2. When it comes to raising her I pretty much listen to my instincts which tends to be gentle discipling. I thought it would be interesting to see if moms of older children have any advice (general or specific) now that they have actually raised a child to at least a preteen that they would like to pass on.

I don't want to ask "Does gentle disciplining work?" because I think that's part of the point of gd, it's not supposed to work, it's about respecting the person that your child is. I guess I mean to ask, is there anything you wish you had or hadn't done? What are you really satisfied with about the way you raised your children? Any pitfalls to look out for?

Thanks
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#2 of 6 Old 11-28-2004, 09:52 PM
 
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i don't really know how to answer ... there are many things i wish i'd have done differently, but for the most part i'm satisfied that i did the best i could so far and my teen is a good kid. I have a 15yo, a 4yo and a 16mo.

i guess the biggest thing is still the same - listening to my child, respecting her opinion (even when i think she's dead wrong), allowing her freedom of expression, giving her enough room to grow while still keeping her close to home and family and sometimes being firm and not budging ...

but the bottom line is that she's not "raised" yet.. .at 15 she is still being raised, and parenting a teen in many ways is MUCH harder then parenting a toddler. Its much easier to keep my toddler safe since he is always with me . Its hard to let my teen go out and do things without me. I worry alot. and its much harder to interact with someone who knows you're not perfect and you can't do everything.
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#3 of 6 Old 11-29-2004, 12:00 PM
 
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Here, here, Barb! Well put!

I just wanted to add that not only does parenting one "way" not work for every family, but every child has different needs too and that includes discipline/affection/time, etc.

What works for one kid, won't necessarily the other. My kids are SO different from one another, so sometimes it's hard to figure out what's going to work and the consequences aren't always the same, because they effect them differently.
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#4 of 6 Old 11-29-2004, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I definitely know that there isn't one solution to parenting. I also realize your not done raising your child just because they've reached or passed the preteens. I guess I am looking more for general words of wisdom rather than, "if you do this, your child will turn out perfectly". Or not even words of wisdom, but reflections from moms who have years of experience to draw from. Perhaps my op is too general. Honestly, I can't think of a better way to express myself right now.
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#5 of 6 Old 11-29-2004, 08:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vivianna
I thought it would be interesting to see if moms of older children have any advice (general or specific) now that they have actually raised a child to at least a preteen that they would like to pass on.
Follow your heart.

If anything you're doing doesn't *feel* right, then find another way. Never mind if anyone (or even if EVERYONE) says to do it a certain way, no matter if it's always been done that way, or if every parenting book ever printed says to do it that way--if it doesn't feel right, it's not.

Pretty obvious, but my only regrets have come from NOT following my heart and trusting my own instincts.

Single Mom to 3 (12, 17 & 21)  luxlove.gif and dog2.gif.

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#6 of 6 Old 11-29-2004, 08:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joan
Follow your heart.

If anything you're doing doesn't *feel* right, then find another way. Never mind if anyone (or even if EVERYONE) says to do it a certain way, no matter if it's always been done that way, or if every parenting book ever printed says to do it that way--if it doesn't feel right, it's not.

Pretty obvious, but my only regrets have come from NOT following my heart and trusting my own instincts.
Very well put.

Treat you kids as friends, human beings (as obvious as it sounds, i've seen many parents treating their kids as somewhat of a subject)

I just recently had a discussion with one of my friends were I argued that kids are not exactly "a piece of clay" that can be molded to any shape or form that parents might want.

I was told that I sound like I don't want to assume any responsibility for my kids actions... :

Our kids are all different people, with their own characters, with their pluses and minuses, their own likes and dislikes.

Often, when parenting, I try to put myself in their shoes - how would I want to be treated?

I guess, the generic statement - "just be friends" with them does not provide step-by-step instructions, but I don't think you are looking for those

Another thing I stress in my family is the concept of "fair". We all have to be fair to one another, parents to kids and kids to parents.

A small example - just the other day I did not feel well (AF ). I just had a long talk about "mommy not feeling well and she would appreciate your help" with my younger one. I did not think she would really understand (she is 4yo), but my highly demanding and tantrum-prone DD was on her best behaviour that day!
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