Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: next to a big river
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I am really frustrated with a situation concerning my dd. She is 10- will be 11 in Oct.
We have a neighbor who has an 8 yr old dd w/whom my dd played with regularly since we moved here until about 2 wks ago. I asked my dd why they hadn't been playing together anymore and she gave me some story about the older brothers of her friend telling their mom that dd had called A(neighbor friend) a lesbian. I asked dd if she had siad anything like that and she said no. I told dd that I thought she should talk to A's mom and clear this up but she refused.
Well, dd told dh a different story about all this. We asked her to tell us truthfully what happened and she sort of skated around the topic but said 'all I said was I was glad that A wasn't a lesbian and I am glad I don't know any lesbians' Well I explained to her that I didn't understand why the subject had come up at all and she whined that she didn't remember. I also explained that what she said was not a very nice thing to say and that she knew a few lesbians and that she liked them, that they were people just like anyone else. She was embarrased at hearing this.
Well after this discussion, my dh and dd walked over to talk to A's mom. It turns out that dd had gone into some detail of what a lesbian is and that she had also bribed A's older brother not to tell their mom about the discussion.
DD also discussed getting a period with A a couple weeks earlier and had been asked by A's mom to not discuss things like that with her daughter. So she, dd, had been talked about this before by A's mom and myself.
Well our neighbor, A's mom, is not letting A play w/dd anymore. Period. She won't back down.
I am frustrated because my dd is setting her own rules and not respecting others boundaries. She acts like she has some special priviledge that allows her to disregard rules and boundaries in favor of 'showing off' in front of friends. I know that this is somewhat age related but she has been spoken to MANY times about this behavior even to the point of being grounded and areas of house being out of bounds for extended periods of time (because she was 'showing off' by getting into things that were not hers and leaving them laying about and sneaking them into her room).
My best idea right now is to write out an assignment for her- a 2 page essay defining respect, boundaries, why rules need to be followed, etc. I would expect schoolwork quality and would require it to be finished before she is allowed to play w/friends again. I am also thinking she should give a copy to A's mom along with a note of apology concerning the issue at hand.
Is this too tough? I am really not getting anywhere talking to her and she doesn't take it seriously. I am definitely not willing to put up with this behavior much longer, stage or no stage.
So my question, if you have gotten this far-thanks for listening, is
What would you do?
Thanks again for reading and for any input any wise mommas might have for me.