Help my dd wants to Gauge her ear - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well my dd has gotten it into her head to get an ear guaged.
On principle I am against letting her have any body alteration that is permanent.
Her ears are pierced. But holes are small and earrings can come out.
Anyway she knows that I will never consent to stretchign out her earlobes like some of her friends, but she is trying to "reason" with me by telling me she only wants to guage it to "10" which isn't very big at all, just big enough for a dumbell or something like that.
I really have no way of knowing or understanding how much a "10" is really going to stretch her earlobe out. If she takes the dumbell thingy out, is that too big to heal up itself?
She tells me that it isn't big enough to "see through".
Anyway, does anybody know where I can get the information I need about this?
What would you do?
Joline
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#2 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:04 AM
 
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Here's a link with some info and also a gauge chart showing the different sizes:
http://jewelry.about.com/od/bodyjewe...ging_lobes.htm

The smaller the number, the larger the hole.
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#3 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:14 AM
 
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If you feel that strongly about it~I see two paths.
Let her know that privledges come with age and that's one thing she'll have to wait for.
If you think it's a fad she'll outgrow, letting her do it now will let it be under your control somewhat.

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#4 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 03:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually my bigger fear is that it is a fad she will outgrow, but the damage might be permanent!
I am happy to let her dye her hair and wear really wierd makeup.
Ok so Happy is not really the right word. I HATE lots of it, but I stand off on the principle. But I have to answer to her later. I would hate to have a daughter who at 30 says. "Mom why in the world did you let me do this to myself!!"
Thanks so much for the link. It doesnt look like 10 is really so bad, and the article does indicate that the holes will shrink down later if done correctly and not damaged.
This has given me much to think about.
Joline
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#5 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 04:35 AM
 
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10 isn't so big. I had some piercings done that were pierced using a 10-gauge needle (so the extra skin was actually taken out, rather than the hole being stretched, as happens with gauging up). I have since taken these piercings out after wearing them for several years, and the hole has healed closed. These piercings were on a different part of my body, so earlobes may heal differently, but it is likely the hole would shrink significantly should your daughter later want to gauge down.

Still, I totally understand you concern. I am glad I never stretched my earlobes to 000 gauge or something like that. It wouldn't look so good on me today.
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#6 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 11:14 AM
 
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If she really wants to do it and you agree, have her do it slowly. I gauged my ear out four years ago. I went down one size every three or four weeks...only after my ear had healed completely. I went down to a four. I took it out a year or so ago and you can't even tell that my ear was stretched. The hole is bigger, but because I did mine gradually it shrank back up without that stretched out look.

Make her do it this way. Also, to slow the process of her stretching it out, make her pay for her own jewelry...it can be costly.

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#7 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:14 PM
 
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I had my ear holes stretched to a 12 gauge, which is the next size smaller. I had the hoops in for about 2 years, got pregnant, and decided hoops and babies were probably not a good idea for me and took them out. That was almost 3 yrs ago. You can't tell that those holes were stretched compared to the others in my ears. I can't imagine it being too much different with 10 gauge. But everyone's bodies are different. You might want to ask people on the Tatooed & Pierced Board within Finding Your Tribe....
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#8 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:20 PM
 
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How old is your dd? Mine is almost 17 and is going to a 4 as soon as the new earrings come in the mail.
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#9 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SHe will be 13 next month.
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#10 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:51 PM
 
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Ah. Still pretty young. M 13 yo ds has 12 gauges.
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#11 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 01:54 PM
 
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I agree with shyly. I gauged my ears to a 10 gradually. When I took them out, the holes went back to their original size pretty quickly. You can get a gauger that you can do yourself at Hot Topic or someplace similar. It starts small and goes bigger. I would really recommend that if you do allow her to do it, that she does it gradually, nicer to her ears really. A 10 really isn't all that big either, its not like you can watch tv through the holes or anything(a friend of mine had 0s, and you could see things through the hole, kinda funny....)
But, imo, its like dying hair, its not permanent, and she may decide after doing it that it wasn't all that spectacular anyways.
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#12 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 02:05 PM
 
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i agree with others..the 10g will heal up no prob if she changes her mind. one of my ears is approx 2g (6 mil in UK sizing) which would probably shrink down if i let it. the other is 00g (10 mil) and will never shrink back to its original size. (and yes you can
see thru it!)
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#13 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 02:07 PM
 
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Even if the holes don't go back, she could later have the holes snipped and stitched later - it's a lot cheaper than tattoo removal. It's not (totally) permanent.

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#14 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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One of the holes I have in my left ear was gagued to a 00 about two years ago. I took it out (I forget why :LOL) and it closed up to a 12. You can't even tell it was even there.

(I used to be able to let people drink through my ear! It was great.)

Oh yeah, but go slowly. It hurts really bad to put in a gague that's too big. Try getting a taper. They're thin and pointy on one end, and thicker on the other end.

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#15 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 05:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I knew I came to the right place.
Thanks for all the great advice. I now see this with a grain of salt and dont really think it is that big of a deal.
I might make it somethign special conditional on turning 13 next month.
Joline
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#16 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 06:09 PM
 
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My husband and I are both at 0 gauge right now...not so big. To you guys that might seem huge (lol) but...I want to go BIG...like fit my thumb through my ear. We would let our kids gauge their ears if they wanted, it's not like it hurts or doesn't shrink back within like, 2 weeks of taking them out (or sooner) ... but it's your call.

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#17 of 86 Old 03-22-2005, 06:22 PM
 
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I suppose everyone heals differently ~ but I had my lobes stretched to an 8g and once I took them out, it didn't take long at all to heal up. As a matter of fact, the holes are just about the same as they were before. Everyone gave great advice though about going slowly. Even just going one size too big can hurt. Buying the taper is a good idea though!
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#18 of 86 Old 03-23-2005, 01:37 AM
 
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There's a gal at our health food store who usually wears really big (I'm not sure what size) gauged-up earrings, but the other day she'd switched to some "regular" hoops & there was no big hole or anything, it looked fine.

You know, I've heard of teens who do grow up & say "Why did you let me do this to myself?!" but as far as I can tell, those are teens who engaged in really self-destructive behavior ... drugs, anorexia, bigtime promiscuity. I've never heard of anyone saying that about a body mod they wanted in the first place, KWIM?
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#19 of 86 Old 03-23-2005, 12:25 PM
 
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first off, that's so cool that you would even consider letting your daughter gauge up! (my mom would have passed out had i even asked...) mine are now at 2's and my dh did have 0's which he has since taken out and have healed over. you can see a little spot on his ear but that's about it. if you go slowly, and taper and gauge up one size at a time until you reach your desired gauge, they should heal up fine if she ever decides to get rid of them. (unless of course, you go really big... then they will never shrink down completely.) letting her gauge up would be a totally cool birthday/rite of passage gift. i would have loved that when i was 13.
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#20 of 86 Old 03-23-2005, 07:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johub
SHe will be 13 next month.
Oh my gosh, I'm reading each message and not "seeing myself" in any of them and am wondering "Am I ultra-conservative on this issue or what?!?!" I would not give my permission for my 13 year-old daughter -- or my 15 year old daughter -- or my 17 3/4 daughter to do anything to her body that involves stretching the holes of the ear lobes (or any other part).

I am comforted by the posts that say the holes will close when (and if) the guages are removed.

I view the stretching/gauging thing much like tattoos. For the most part, it is permanent -- unless it is, of course, a very small hole. I believe that teenagers are NOT mature enough to make such decisions -- "permanent" means nothing to them at these ages.

My step-nephew has huge holes (larger than a quarter) in his ears. He started growing the holes when he was about 14. At 18 he started in with the tattoos and he does not appear to be stopping (his next target spot is his neck). I wonder if his mom knew when he was 14 how far he would go once given the green light (if she even "gave" permission -- I don't really know).

Here's the deal I have with my daughter who is 15 and who wants both her nose and navel pierced. Because the nose is so visible and it could affect her ability to get a job, it is out of the question until at least the age of 18.

She will be allowed to get her navel pierced when ALL of the following are achieved: (1) She is at least 16 years old; (2) she is maintaining above-average grades; (3) she is trustworthy, responsible and reliable (which includes having a part-time job).

The guaging would be out of the question. I'd go for weird hair over permanent changes any day of the week.

Now I'm off to continue reading the posts -- and hope that I'm not the only mom out there who would say "No" to this.......
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#21 of 86 Old 03-30-2005, 04:57 PM
 
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Well, you were the only "no" til now....

I wouldn't be ok with it. However, I don't even think double ear piercings are ok... :

When I was a kid, every girl in my class had pierced ears but me. My dad always said when I was 18 or moved out of the house, whichever came first. He died when I was 12. My mom let me when I was 13. I let them grow back - I think subconciously I thought I shouldn't have them at all. Now I wish I didn't have these marks on my ears but they are not a big deal really.

My dd1 has already asked for pierced ears - when she is 13 I'll agree to it. She has quit asking as she can tell I am non-negotiable. But gauging, double piercings, body piercing anywhere but lobes of ears, tattoo - no. I guess I'm just traditional in that sense. I would be ok with odd hair color/style and choice of clothing as that is very temporary IMO.

I am going to go follow that link to see the sizes so at least I seem a bit hip (knowledgable) when the kids start talking about it. I haven't seen anyone in my town with gauged ears so not sure if it has "arrived" here as a phase or not.
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#22 of 86 Old 03-30-2005, 06:10 PM
 
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Well, no, I wouldn't want my daughter to do this. I would discourage her. But she's not interested in gauging her ears. And there are worse things than body piercings and tats. Even where getting a job is concerned. I'm guessing that if you're the type who likes multiple pierces and tattoos, then maybe you won't want to work somewhere that discourages it. And at least in Northern California, this life style is common enough that many employers don't care about it.

But- as far as piercings being permanent or not, well I think that depends on the person. Dh had two holes in one ear. He didn't wear earrings in either for very long, before he let them grow over. This was maybe 16 years ago and he still has two very obvious piercings on his ear lobe.

So I don't think you can say that all you have to do is take the jewelry out and let it grow over and it'll look like nothing ever happened. On some folks it's' definitly permanent.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#23 of 86 Old 03-30-2005, 06:24 PM
 
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I have no issues w/piercing, tatoos or gauging, but I just wanted to add...

*please* please please insist that your DD do this safely. That not only means slowly like already mentioned but with good quality materials, advice from a professional, the correct cleaning schedule, etc...

 

 

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#24 of 86 Old 03-30-2005, 07:23 PM
 
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OK, so 10 is not that big... But I would still think that if I opened the door to gauging at all, then how do you say "but no bigger than a 10!" Seems like a "gateway" thing and I'd still avoid it. But that is just me.
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#25 of 86 Old 04-08-2005, 03:55 PM
 
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The younger you are, the better the hole will heal (I.e., return to normal when you stop guaging).

I have a coworker who's son had a large hole - took it out a month before senior pix and by the time his pc was taken, you couldn't even see he had his guaged at all.

My 11 yr old son has his ear pierced and slightly guaged - size 14. I really wouldn't go bigger - partially because his father is vehemently opposed and also because I think he is too young to properly care for it. I also (and this is MY opinion for MY son only... not passing judgement for OTHER kids or parents) think it would be inappropriate for his age to have a bigger hole.
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#26 of 86 Old 04-08-2005, 05:46 PM
 
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I don't have any issues with ear piercing, tattoos, or anything.

Mind you, I wouldn't let my 13 year old daughter get a tattoo or anything like that... I wanted to get one when I was 13 and my mom took me and the tattoo artist wouldn't do one on me because she said I wasn't done growing yet and the skin would stretch.

I would let my daughters get their ears pierced, when they ask me. My 6 year old daughter got her ears pierced when she was about 3.5 years old.
I would have no problem with the gaguing. I am ITA with pp when she said that I wouldn't let them go too big because they can't properly care for it yet.

There are definite reasons why I could day no though. Not just because I think its wrong.

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#27 of 86 Old 10-14-2006, 06:50 PM
 
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alright here's the info you need to know:
a 10 gauge is about the size of the stick part of a q-tip
ear gaurging is not permanent unless you stretch past a 00
a 00 is larger than the size of a pencil
gauging to a 10 will hardly be noticeable
and she can take out a 10 and will stretch back within a few days
one more thing is that unlike other body mods parental consent is not necesarry for gauging, and it would be very easy for her to gauge without you even knowing it. so i'd let her gauge. its definately not permanent at a 10. and letting her have some freedom will prevent her from rebelling and getting a tattoo or something.
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#28 of 86 Old 10-15-2006, 04:39 PM
 
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bright-eyes, there is no set number at which ear stretching (not "gauging," "gauging" means "measuring") becomes permanent. It is possible to repair larger holes, and some smaller holes (though probably never a 10) become impossible to "unstretch."

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#29 of 86 Old 10-15-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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A 10 is very, very small. It will close up to a 16 within a few weeks if left without an earring.

I had 3/4 inch plugs in my ears up until about 3 months ago, now they are down to about 00. As long as she doesn't go beyond 00, she should be ok. Stretching should be done very slowly. my DW and I have told our daughter when she is ten she can decide if she wants to gauge up her ears, and no more than 1 stretch every 6 months.
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#30 of 86 Old 10-16-2006, 07:46 AM
 
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I would find out first why she wants to do it. If it's just because everyone her age is doing this right now then it's a phase and why allow your child to do what everyone around her is doing? Aren't we supposed to be teaching our children to be themselves?? I guess I don't understand that part, especially with her being only 13 yrs old.

First, I would make her wait a year or two and see if still wants to do it then. She may have different friends with different ideas and at that point something like this in her ear might keep away people that might make friendships with her that would be better for her.

I personally wouldn't allow it with my child. If she is serious about doing it for "herself" and her "own" reasons (which she probably isn't if every other child has done it) then she can wait a year or two down the road. If it's a phase then by that time she will be over it and on to something else.

I would never say I'd let my child do something like this just so they don't rebel and get something worse like a tattoo! Where's the respect I've taught my child up until that point that he/she is supposed to have for me. Things don't work that way in my house. Where does the parenting come in? That's why kids this age need parents and they need limits. They will jump and do anything they see their friends doing "at that moment." She will get past this phase in a few months. I'd tell her no.

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