My daughter just turned 11. She's in 5th grade, and will be going to middle school in the fall.
Some of the friends she hangs out with are popular. Allison is very down to earth for the most part.
The first thing that happened this week is that the neighbor girl, Ashley, who she hangs out with (and seems to run the show as far as the bigger kids in the neihborhood go) told Allison that "she's got the look of a popular girl," but that she needs to really work on her clothes in order for her to "maintain" her status at middle school.
She also told her in this conversation to just stick close to Jordon (another girl in Allison's class), because she will definetly be popular and she'll be her ticket in.
The second thing happened yesterday. Allison was chosen to go to an all day orchestra event (she plays viola) with 20 other schools participating. She was the only elementary child chosen in this district so this was a big deal! When she got home, Ashley and her two friends were at the playground, talking on cell phones?!
and when Ashley was done on the phone she says to Allison, "so how was your stupid viola thing?"
Allison came home and was so hurt. She feels like if she stops hanging around this girl, she'll have no one to play with in the neighborhood. She is worried about fitting in in middle school, but says she doesn't want to ever be a mean person in order to be "popular."
I'm sorry, this is a ramble I know, but this peer pressure thing is hard. What should I do? How should I approach this?
One of my friends said I should talk to this girl's parents, but I've met them, and they are grown-up versions of the same type of behavior... so no go there...
We talked about getting back in the UU church to maybe make some more like- minded friends, but she totally balked at the idea of church.
I hate seeing her get treated this way.
If you got this far- thanks!!