My son asked for condoms!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 06:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First...

Hi ladies! ha!

So glad I found this forum! hahaha!

Now....

I am a mom of 3 and pg with #4.

My kids ages are 18, 15 and 10.

My 18 & 10 years old are my daughters

My 15 year old is my son.

I have always been pretty open regarding birth control, sex & drugs. Because my parents were not. Therefore,,,I didnt know! I ended up pg at 17 and thought it was the flu! ha

I think its very important to be open with your kids so when the time comes...they will talk to you.

Welp...been there and done that with dd#1.

and just a few minutes ago my 15 year old son said...

Mom....I need some "jimmies'

I said...whats a jimmy

he said...condoms..remember...you said if I need them....

i interrupted and said ok - no questions asked and walked away!


OMG OMG OMG OMG!!

hahahaha!

What do I do?? buy them I guess, but do I talk to him about it? should I ask..who's the gal??? I mean...he hasnt brought any steady girls home, he has been "kinda" dating this one lil gal and I havent even met her! What size?? small I assume?? how do I know??? omg..does he know how to use it??? haha OMG!

Why is this freaking me out?

I've been there and done that with dd, but she seemed much older and much more mature. She was also 15, but seemed wayyyyy more responsible, ya know?

uggg!

ok...thanks for listenin to me freak out! Talk to u soon!

Razzledbrat!
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#2 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 07:09 PM
 
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I have 3 boys and am dreading this day from the mom perspective. From the rational adult perspective, I hope my kids can ask me something like that.

As for, what to do...... well..... buy them obviously. Beyond that I don't know. I'd maybe remind that even if the girl (??? I'm assuming) goes on the pill, he STILL MUST use condoms. I'd ask him if there was anything he needed to know or needed help with. Planned parenthood has some good pamphlets you could give him too.

I have a friend who emailed her son who lives in the same house because it was easier to talk like that & it gave her a minute to control her shock & maintain composure!! haha

Good luck mama!!!!
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#3 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 07:36 PM
 
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I must say, I love that you have such open communication with your children. I believe that to be very important! I would make sure he doesn't have any questions though, and remind him that he must use it every time and to be SAFE!
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#4 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 08:02 PM
 
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Good for him and good for you!

ETA: if you don't know if he knows how to use them, yeah, I think that would be a good idea to ask about, since apparently their effectiveness rate goes down pretty sharply if they're not used correctly.

How do you think he'd react if you asked him a couple casual questions about his, um, friend? (Do you know for sure it's a girl?)
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#5 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 08:49 PM
 
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I would chat with him about it. It might be embarassing, but since he was open with you, you should be open with him.

I remember when I was in high school I knew this guy whose mother would have a talk with her son's girlfriend, talk to her about birth control - find out if she was using any, and then encourage her to use some... as well as her son. It sounded mortifying at the time, but at the same time I remember being really impressed and wowed that his mother would do that.

I think it's great that he's coming to you.
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#6 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 09:04 PM
 
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I don't have a teen, but...

You might also want to contact your local health clinic and find out about their policies. Then, pass on that information to your son to share with his friends (our local one always had free condoms, virtually free other birth control, if he is becomming intimate w/a girl she really should get a PAP, etc...).

That's so great your son came to you, though

 

 

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#7 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 09:18 PM
 
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Hi!! And welcome!!!

I don't have teenagers yet...but I remember being one. And my mother and I did NOT have this type of relationship...she thought sex was evil and I was going to be roasting in hell anyway...:eyeroll:

That being said and out of the way...

KUDOS to you and your son for having a relationship where he can come to you with this!!! I want my daughter to feel this comfortable with me when she's older...because I'd much rather KNOW she's protected than have her hiding it and winding up with an STD...kwim? So...My suggestions....buy the condoms...and like TiredX2 said...maybe contact someone to get you some more information on sex and the like.

Again....Way to go. And congrats on having a teenage son who is open with his mom.

Jenn - Mom, Photographer, Barista 

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#8 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 09:39 PM
 
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Maybe do the banana demonstration and have him show you that he can put one on a banana? (Do YOU know how to use them? If you've never had to, you might have to learn yourself first. ). My teen brother beat me to parenthood because he couldn't use one correctly. The sex ed in our high school wasn't that comprehensive.
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#9 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 09:59 PM
 
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My boys are still small but I sure hope that when the time comes they come to ask me too!
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#10 of 68 Old 04-20-2005, 10:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by razzledbrat
First...

Hi ladies! ha!

So glad I found this forum! hahaha!

Now....

I am a mom of 3 and pg with #4.

My kids ages are 18, 15 and 10.

My 18 & 10 years old are my daughters

My 15 year old is my son.

I have always been pretty open regarding birth control, sex & drugs. Because my parents were not. Therefore,,,I didnt know! I ended up pg at 17 and thought it was the flu! ha

I think its very important to be open with your kids so when the time comes...they will talk to you.

Great first post! I agree with you completely and receive a little backlash from my friends for it. I'm the 'radical' in my circle. All the mothers of girls say that they won't let their girls go out with my ds11! And all because I announced that I would give my kids condoms!

Good for you!

It is important! I have decided that I will simply place a basket of condoms already torn apart under their bathroom sink. Originally, I was going to get a box. Then dh pointed out that I would freak when I noticed it open. So I figured I would just open it, but then my sister said I might count them. So I decided just to get a basket and throw some in and let it go!

That's my plan anyway : We'll see how it goes when the time comes! Perhaps I should wait on them to ask........ if I just put some in there then I guess the baby would have them too, huh? Oh lord, what if they start handing them out to friends......... I'll be the cool mom for all kinds of reasons!!!!



Quote:

Welp...been there and done that with dd#1.

and just a few minutes ago my 15 year old son said...
sounds like it worked!

Quote:

Mom....I need some "jimmies'

I said...whats a jimmy
ahhhh c'mon mom! You don't remember jimmy caps!



Quote:

What do I do?? buy them I guess, but do I talk to him about it? should I ask..who's the gal??? I mean...he hasnt brought any steady girls home, he has been "kinda" dating this one lil gal and I havent even met her! What size?? small I assume?? how do I know??? omg..does he know how to use it??? haha OMG!

Why is this freaking me out?
perhaps it's freaking you out a little more because he's boy? Or maybe it's because the oldest is always more responsible (at least in our eyes) and we tend to 'grow them up' quicker........

Grab a basket and throw some in mama!

Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby. 
ds20, dd18, ds17
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#11 of 68 Old 04-23-2005, 10:25 PM
 
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if you do just put them in a basket...be sure to replace them if they do not get used w/i the year. condoms get old and are at higher risk of busting.

mom to four lively children. birth and postpartum doula. midwifery student. choosing to enjoy life. :
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#12 of 68 Old 04-23-2005, 10:38 PM
 
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I know the Planned Parenthoods here gives away condoms. They also sell them REALLY cheap - I can't remember the price, but it was really low. I like the basket idea. I'm storing that one for when my DH (now 6) is bigger. I'll stock that basket with all kinds of "embarassing" usefull info to - haha
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#13 of 68 Old 04-23-2005, 10:49 PM
 
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He might not seem as responsible to you, but at least he is responsible enough to ask for them. That is a major accomplishment in and of itself! At least he will minimize the chance of having to be responsible for a baby this way.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

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#14 of 68 Old 04-23-2005, 11:37 PM
 
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I agree that a trip to PP would be a good idea. They will explain how to use condoms properly and increase their effectiveness with spermicides. If he is going to be sexually active he will need to know where to go to be tested for STD's so it would be a good idea to get him acquainted with the place.

It is great that he feels comfortable coming to you!
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#15 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 02:18 AM
 
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That's so cool that he actually came to you and asked. Me and DH are raising my little brother (well, not so little anymore, he is now 17). He asks us and we supply them.

When I told my best friend that she was shocked and thought it was weird. But she also told her 13 year old daughter that when she (the daughter) starts having sex, to just say her periods were really bad and she needed to be on the pill. She told her daughter she didn't want to know that she was having sex. I was like "ummm, great way to get your daughter to communicate with you".

I also talk to my brother constantly about STD's, pregnancy and whatnot. I will do the same for DD when the time comes.
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#16 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 11:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaBL
I like the basket idea. I'm storing that one for when my DH (now 6) is bigger. I'll stock that basket with all kinds of "embarassing" usefull info to - haha

Hmmm, I would think your DH would be big enough by now.... :LOL

Sorry, couldn't resist that typo!!
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#17 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 12:43 PM
 
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I think I would bring him to the store, give him the money, but have him go to the checkout himself. If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms...

That said, I have talked a lot to my older kids about sex, esp my 16 yr old. My 16 yr old knows I think waiting is another excellent option. I am encouraging and explaining why. What does 'wait' actually mean? Um....college? :LOL Although i am not stupid, either.

Thankfully, his girlfriend is grounded for life right now... And I have told my teen there is a reason he doesn't have the arms of a T - Rex. (Go ahead, think about what that might mean... )

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#18 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 01:01 PM
 
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Welcome!

I think it's great you kept your composure, around him.

I went to my Dad about getting birth control pills when I was a little older than your son, my parents freaked and I ended up getting them behind their backs.

I would have rathered it if they had been a bit more open with me, as it was really hard for me to open up and talk to my Dad about it in the first place. Also, I had totally opened the door for them to talk seriously with me about sex and the repercussions of it. They are pretty open people, I think the idea of their daughter having sex freaked them out though.
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#19 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 03:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by razzledbrat
What size?? small I assume?? how do I know???
For the love of Maude please do not buy him small condoms! Just get regular sized ones. :LOL
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#20 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 04:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by boston
For the love of Maude please do not buy him small condoms! Just get regular sized ones. :LOL
:LOL :

Nothing could take the blood out of an erection faster than a boy knowing his own mother thinks he has a small penis.
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#21 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 09:24 PM
 
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I have a teenage dd, if it was me I would discuss the different options available in condoms and ask which one he wanted and if he wanted to buy them himself I'd give him the money and drive him. Or I'd buy them for him, after finding out what kind he wanted. That or buy a selection of different ones in the 3 packs.

I'm guessing that you have probably already covered the usual STDs, emotional, pregnancy ect issues associated with sex.
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#22 of 68 Old 04-24-2005, 09:26 PM
 
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I have never posted on here before but this caught my attention. I dont have teens yet but an excellent memory for being one and work with them when I can.

First great job on the communication thing, I can only hope that I do as well with my sons, akkk! I only have 6 years til ds1 is 15!

Next I agree that you should talk to him a bit when you give them to him. Make sure that he knows how to use them and that they are not 100%. He needs to be careful.

But also remind him that you care about him and the people he cares about. Make sense?Like, let him know that you want him to be able to feel compfortable bringing his girlfriend around. If you can see what kind of girl he is with it might help you feel better about the whole thing.

But most important I think that you should also let him know that even if it isn't intentional someones heart alsways gets involved in the process. it will make him think a little even if it doesn't change his decisions.
He may not want to hear any of it but I would just stop him and say that you arnt trying to give him a hard time, but you are mom and you do care and therefore you are requireing him to simply listen for a minute.

Sounds to me however you choose to handle it you will do just fine. Good luck!

Oh, and I agree about the not buying small condoms thing. I remeber running through the boys lockerroom at that age and not all the boys were boys anymore, kwim?!!!

Lisa~Was Aspiring Midwife~Now-AAMI Midwifery Student #2020~Mama to Zackery 3/29/96, Drake 9/22/01, and Selina 10/26/03...and here was the link to my new blog
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#23 of 68 Old 04-25-2005, 09:45 AM
 
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I'm not understanding why you would need to buy them. Why couldn't him buy them himself? It's not like you need to be 18 to buy them or have a presciption.
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#24 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 12:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MA mommy
I'm not understanding why you would need to buy them. Why couldn't him buy them himself? It's not like you need to be 18 to buy them or have a presciption.
A lot of pharmacies won't sell them to young-looking people, and a lot of young people are shy about having to purchase them or, egad, ask for them from a shelf behind the counter. And just because they're too embarrassed to buy them doesn't mean they shouldn't be having sex.

Also, just because he wants to have them doesn't mean sex is happening or even imminent. It could just be moving in that direction.

Yes, good for you for being the kind of mom your boy can talk with about this. If you are going to discuss things further, I would try not to cross the line into private matters, while trying to give him the necessary info. But you probably don't need that kind of advice, having done a great job already.
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#25 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 02:03 AM
 
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Could you not give him the money and let him buy them himself.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#26 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 02:34 AM
 
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There were several places in my hometown that would not sell condoms to teenagers. More than once I had unprotected sex after trying, and failing, to buy condoms. I'm not saying I had unprotected sex BECAUSE of that, I could have just skipped it, but there it is. I did. A pharmacist asked my brother for his phone number once to call his parents to get permission.

You're doing the right thing by being open with him. I'd probably pick them up and then leave them on his dresser or something, let him hide them as he sees fit. Buy the big economy pack or something so you don't have to know how many times he's had sex.
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#27 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 03:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amarasmom
Could you not give him the money and let him buy them himself.
I wonder if it's 75% not wanting to be embarassed by getting them from Kmart, but being smart enough and responsible enough to know he needs them; and 25% maybe sorta wanting to share a big change in his life with mom, in a sorta roundabout way.

I'll tell you, if my kid asks me to buy condoms, even if it's because he's too much of a weenie to get them himself, I will thank God and pat myself on the back.
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#28 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 03:11 AM
 
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I'll tell you, if my kid asks me to buy condoms, even if it's because he's too much of a weenie to get them himself, I will thank God and pat myself on the back.
Ditto.
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#29 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 04:54 AM
 
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and 25% maybe sorta wanting to share a big change in his life with mom, in a sorta roundabout way.
I'm betting so as well.

You told him to come to you, so he did.

I wouldn't just leave it at the condom transaction. Boys need just as much guidance in this area as girls do, maybe even more. He may not exactly want to, but he may need to talk about his feelings, of all things. That's not really allowed, you know, for teen boys to have feelings regarding sex.
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#30 of 68 Old 04-26-2005, 06:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LizD
A lot of pharmacies won't sell them to young-looking people, and a lot of young people are shy about having to purchase them or, egad, ask for them from a shelf behind the counter. And just because they're too embarrassed to buy them doesn't mean they shouldn't be having sex.
Well, I don't agree. I can't remember the last time I saw Condoms BEHIND a counter. I've seen them in my supermarket, CVS, etc. Part of being mature enough to be ready is getting over the embarrasment. JMO of course

I also think a teenager needs to know that you can still get an STD using a condom. Herpes, for example. It happened to a friend of mine. The man did not have any obvious signs of an outbreak. They need to know the risks of oral sex also.

Quote:
Boys need just as much guidance in this area as girls do, maybe even more. He may not exactly want to, but he may need to talk about his feelings, of all things. That's not really allowed, you know, for teen boys to have feelings regarding sex.
I agree with this too.
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