I guess I have different ideas about privacy, but I don't think that the fact that she didn't tell you she's shaving her legs means that you've done anything wrong, and I don't think it necessarily means that she doesn't trust you. I think that many many people like to have a part of their lives that is separate from their parents. I see it as part of the process of individuation that is normal and necessary, really, to function in our (and your
) non-communal, non-tribal society.
Your daughter may just need to have her own private corner of herself that is not shared with mom. In this corner, so far she had kept shaving her legs. She may, in fact, will keep other things that belong to her private self in that corner as she continues to grow. That doesn't have to mean that she doesn't trust you, and it doesn't have to mean that you've done anything wrong, or that there is some kind of rift in your relationship.
My daughter is only just about 9 (next month), but she keeps a private journal, and now goes into her room to talk on the phone with her friends. I think it's fine. My son is almost 11, and is also becoming more private in certain ways. And, FWIW, we're also homeschoolers, and a close family.
I guess I just expect that my children will want to have some privacy, and will want to grow up on their own terms in certain ways without my input, and without my making a fuss (even a positive fuss
) over things, including leg shaving, starting her period, etc.
My 0.2, offered with kindness