At what age will you allow your child to date? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 76 Old 08-15-2005, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Irishmommy
Rule number 4: On all nonbusiness e-mails, responding once for every four of his e-mails is a good rule of thumb. Remember, you never know who has access to your e-mail, so keep all romance off the screen and save it for Saturday nights.

All I can say is if I e-mailed someone 3 times withoug getting a response, there wouldn't be a fourth to respond to.
Oh you bet. I am there with you.
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#62 of 76 Old 09-03-2005, 03:27 PM
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I think 14 for group dates where they are going out to a movie with friends, or bowling, etc. They will be more than welcome to bring their girlfriend/boyfriend home to hang out too, as long as my husband and/or I are home. For one-on-one dates, 16.

I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16... and by date, it was defined as being picked up by your boyfriend and going somewhere. I did have "boyfriends" when I was 13/14 that came over to hang out.
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#63 of 76 Old 09-07-2005, 02:36 AM
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This is a very interesting topic for sure
many are saying, depends on maturity and circumstances, which is pretty much what dh and i have said as well. we come from quite oppsoite spectrums .. he started dating/having sex at 13, his parents both smoked pot with him, drank with him, used other drugs with him too for that matter... I on the otherhand really never officially dated, as in couple going somewhere together without others with us or picking them up in a minute and meeting a bigger group, i've never used any drug, and still havent been drunk, had a few drinks here and their though.

Alot of my dating experiances were literally right at my home, the one my parents liked the best, and relationship wise i did too(he and I are still very good friends BTW) We would go to church together, he'd come over for the day, we'd generally spend the day laying on my waterbed, with my beanbag chair in the middle so we could each prop up on it, on opposite sides, and read for most of the afternoon and talk, listen to music etc. We'd also ride our bikes together, hike thru the woods, stuff like that.

my oldest 2 are just coming into range so i dont have direct experiance, but we'll likley do similar to my parents, talk to them, be open, and most of all... find out your kids definition of dating!!! what THEY think they want to do and/or should be able to do. many of us might just be suprised how little they are asking when they ask, "can me and billy go on a date"

or you can go for my brothers father in laws way, great where we going? ... lol When my brother asked his blessing to marry his daughter his response was, well sure you can! we love you like a son as it is! So where are we going for the honeymoon? bro n his wife "dated" almost 6yrs before getting married, always group stuff with a couple exceptions.
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#64 of 76 Old 09-09-2005, 02:41 PM
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scrappingmom, I loved reading about your positive "dating experiences". It would make me so happy and proud if my daughter has relationships like that as a teenager.

Great advice about finding out what your child's definition of dating even is before you say no (or yes)

thanks for sharing!

(i was going to say more, but i hear fiona waking)
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#65 of 76 Old 09-22-2005, 07:30 PM
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My mother never set rules with me, however some of my friend's parents did, and it didn't work. It's just like telling someone "you can not have sex." or "you can not have alcohol" or even "no cookies for you!" if they really want to they will find a way...and it will be behind your back.
My mom never set any concrete rules with me, just trusted me. I made a few decisions that might not have been the best, but in the end nothing harmful, or even that worrysome. It depends on the kid, some need more boundaries than others, but for the most part it's better to have an open and trusting relationship, they will keep you in the know.
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#66 of 76 Old 09-23-2005, 09:49 AM
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I think I will allow them to have group date at 16.
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#67 of 76 Old 01-09-2006, 10:11 PM
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I think 16 yrs old is a good group date age too !
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#68 of 76 Old 01-17-2006, 02:02 AM
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I'm not going to have an age where my DS will be allowed to date. I'll let him start dating whenever he wants to, but I'll just remind him that relationships at such a young age aren't that serious and it probablty won't be the person he'll be with forever. I think relationships are a good way to learn things and grow strong emotionally.

Of course DS is only 3 as of now.. so I hope he won't be getting that interested in girls for a loooooooooooong time.
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#69 of 76 Old 01-17-2006, 02:09 AM
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For both my dd and ds 16 will be the earliest for both dating and for going anywere without me, dh or anouther adult. Possibly even older than that if either of them show poor judgment or lake of maturity. I see way to many 10-15 yo out at the movies or running around in groups unsupervised. This is how so many get into trouble and it will not be a practice that my kids will be involved in.

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#70 of 76 Old 01-18-2006, 01:47 AM
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if you tell them you cant date till "x" age then they will find a way to see who ever it is they want to be dating. At a friends house, at the mall, or even school. You cannot control their hearts or minds at this point. All you can do is give them guidance, advice and a shoulder to cry on when their heart gets broken. And trust me it will happen more the once.
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#71 of 76 Old 01-18-2006, 10:11 PM
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Is never an option?

Ok- if she must, which I am sure she will, she can date and go out with whomever in groups until she is 17. Then once 17 I guess she would have a curfew and a cell phone and I know where she is all times, who else is there, etc...
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#72 of 76 Old 01-19-2006, 02:01 PM
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Both of my dc (16yog and 14yob) are "allowed" to date. I remember saying that Miss Girl wouldn't be allowed until she was 30, but here's what really happened.

My dd has absolutely no interest. Her life is busy and full and I believe her when she tells me that she is a virgin because I don't see where she could find the time to sneak around behind my back or why she would want to.

My ds has been interested in the opposite sex since he was 12 and has had 3-4 "girlfriends" who he got together with at adult supervised group activities. I did not meet any of these young ladies, but he and I discussed the possibility of getting together one on one with them and what "dating" would look like. He felt that the girl would be more comfortable if an adult were present, preferably one of her parents, but I would do in a pinch, and that he would want to pay for her movie ticket, dinner, etc.

When the young male person was born, I had a terrible fear of being "the mother-in-law from hell" because I couldn't imagine anyone good enough to deserve him; I was afraid I'd find fault with any girl he chose, whether he chose her for a lifetime partner and mother of his children or to dance with him to a single song.

As the time draws closer, I've become ready, just as I was ready for birth when it happened even though I couldn't stand to think about it when I was six months pregnant and as weaning was such a non-event after I dreaded it while I had two nurslings. He has excellent taste in male friends and I enjoy their company, so I look forward to the day when a young woman friend will enrich my son's life and hopefully become an important part of my own.
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#73 of 76 Old 01-23-2006, 03:51 AM
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I'm not sure when I will let my DDs date but it will be when they show they are totally respondsible and mature. I will not do the car date at 16 (I don't think I will have to worry about that anyway since most states have a law now where you cannot drive other teenagers around for a certain period after you get your license) and they will have to be older than 13 or 14 for movie dates alone. I was not the best teen, and things can happen at a movie! Yikes, scares me to think of this. LOL
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#74 of 76 Old 01-23-2006, 04:44 PM
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Depends on child and maturity. I would encourage group dates and offer my children to have friends over at our house for fun activities.

Mom to two boys, ages 8 and 11, and one blessing due May 8th.

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#75 of 76 Old 01-23-2006, 06:43 PM
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I personally don't mind when DS and future DCs begin dating.
I had my first "boyfriend" in fifth grade. My parents were open with me and we talked about him. It was puppy love, but to me at the time it felt like real true love and my parents respected that. It was nice.
I think that kids are going to date and have relationships when they want and restrictions on when and who will really only make them be sneaky. I only belive this from my experience with friends who were told "No dating until blank age"
I just want DS/futures DCs to feel comfortable talking to me and deciding for themselves when they are in a good place to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I feel it's just not my place to make the desision (spelling errors due toNAK) for them.
I want us to be able to openly discuss sexulaity and their feelings about boys/girls, dating etc.
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#76 of 76 Old 03-19-2006, 10:26 AM
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My 12 y/o son is REALLY happy that our dating age is 13, cause he will turn 13 this year! Our other son is 10, so he has a while yet.
The 12 y/o is VERY much interested in girls right now, so he would date right now if we would let him. Our 10 y/o is still a little young, but so far, he seems more interested in boys (based on some comments he has made), which will be just fine with us if he wants to continue in that direction as he gets older. If he finds a boyfriend by age 13 and wants to date, that will be OK as well. We will support them both in whatever they want.
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