They're open to go anywhere with anyone right now, as long as it's in a supervised place.
FWIW, going out on "dates" doesn't start up the worries about what they're doing with the opposite sex. I had more sexual experiences with neighborhood "friends" than I did when I actually started dating.
Originally Posted by Coffee Mom
Where there's a will there's a way, so open communication, trust, and building self esteem as children grow up will hopefully enable them to make responsible decisions when the hormone stages kick in. The key is not what age to allow them to date, the key is to have a strong bond with them so that you can help them make good decisions as they mature.
Well said, Coffee Mom.
I forgot to mention that I think group "dating" is a little different and I'd allow that at a younger age.
I don't think there is a set in stone age. Maturity comes at different times for different kids. My kids have said that going out with a group would be a first step for them likely, whenever that comes around. My son is about 14, and though he is interested in girls, he hasn't dated anyone yet. For us it's a pretty flexible "wait and see what develops" kind of thing. We do discuss dating, and relationships often right now though...just because at their ages it looks more and more relevant.
Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!
As far as real "dating"- staying out til midnight, going where he wants- well as soon as he can drive (16) he can do that...
Jen Mama of 2 precious boys (9) (6) and still in with my Matt after 12 years together.
Domestic Violence Children's Advocate and Counselor
Our only hard and fast dating rule is that we must meet anyone either of our children chooses to date.
Originally Posted by Coffee Mom
Where there's a will there's a way, so open communication, trust, and building self esteem as children grow up will hopefully enable them to make responsible decisions when the hormone stages kick in. The key is not what age to allow them to date, the key is to have a strong bond with them so that you can help them make good decisions as they mature. BTW, both my daughters started dating around 14.
I think that a strong bond between parent and child is critical. If the bond is strong then they will trust you as you try to guide them through the pitfalls of adolescence.
I want my kids to "date" for the right reasons....not to replace the love that they are missing out on at home.
We already have "dates" with mom and dad for the kids. Dh or I will take the kids out one on one and have fun with them and give them personal attention and let them know how much we love them.
My kids are still to young to "date", but I'm praying that they don't feel the desire or need to date until late into their teenage years. :
I'm not to worried about her, we keep the lines of communication open, and I'm just waiting to see how it will play out. She is going into high school next year and she needs the space to learn to become a woman as well. If I have done my job thus far right, then I have taught her well, and she will know to be responsible!!! Not that I will permit her to check into the closest motel with the first boy she meets in high school (I do have some bounderies) lol but I think it is good for her to take the love she has grown up learning from us, and spread it wisely in the world
Originally Posted by LoveChild421
I think I'll drop my son and a little girlfriend (or boyfriend, I don't mean to assume) off at the movies or something like that around 13-14 depending on how mature he is. My mom did this with me but chaperoned...I don't feel the need to chaperone at a public place- it's not like they'll be having sex while watching Star Wars :LOL
My family did this with me as well, but I'll tell you something. At 15-16, I was 'dating' this guy, (I say 'dating', but looking back we had nothing in commen but sex : ), and his father or my uncle would drop us off at the movie, and would come pick us up when it was over. However, we got the 'smart' idea to leave the theatre pretty early into the movie, and well, go behind the theatre and have sex behind some trees...lol
Yes, yes, an embarrassing piece of infromation there, but another pieve of evidence that 'where there's a will, there's a way'....
I don't know what I'll do with my kids. I intend to play it by ear. I really do think it's kinda silly to say 'I'll do this at this age, and that at that age', it's kinda like a cookie-cutter 'rule' for children who aren't shaped the same way... If that makes any sense..
I really just intend to allow my children to do what feels comfortable, when it feels comfortable. Depending on their personalities, their maturity, as well at the people they wish to date...
Judging by the younger teens I've seen dating, 16 is a reasonable age for "real" dating, e.g. couple going to the movies.
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
Growing up I was told 16. It never came up. My first bf was after I went to college and I met him just after I turned 18. He's sitting behind me now, nearly 7 years later :LOL
I think SHE being the one driving, and it being her car, will help her to have more confidence, and not feel dependant on the date. She doesn't like what's happening? She can kick him out. She wants to go home? She can just go home.
|but another pieve of evidence that 'where there's a will, there's a way'...|
You're right; where there's a will, there's a way. If the kids want to have sex, they're going to have sex.
I'm not going to make decisions based on stopping sex.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
Many good points have been brought up here, the big one for me is open communication
Also, as many said - whether you let something or don't let something is of little importance.
If a teen or even pre-teen feels "in love" they are going to feel it whether we parents like it or not.
If they are afraid to openly talk about their feelings with us, they may:
bottle up their emotions and never dare to do anything they feel we as parents will not approve of (even if it's jsut holding hands)
being not sure how to handle their emotions, swing too far and do something they will regret later
the above PLUS hide the fellings and the deeds from the parents
the above PLUS feel guilty for doing all of the above yet not able to figure out what to do about it
I would love for my kids to openly discuss those and would offer my advice, based on solid explanation. However I will not be letting or not letting them date.
Having said all that I actually would like for my son to start dating (he is going to be 18 next month).
He is a handsome young man, very smart, gentle and responsible. He is just "looking for the right one" (his words) Any takers? :LOL
For my daughter the talking and communication part will be just of as much importance. I will relate my personal story to her as soon as she is of age to understand it (posting it will make my already long post even longer)
the answer to the question? i have no freaking clue! It will be really dependant on Parker's maturity and the maturity of her boy/girlfriend.