10 yr old dd wants to be baby (w/dipe!) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 06-24-2005, 10:59 PM - Thread Starter
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: oooookay.

i got a deal here, im not sure who to be on this one...

i am a sahm with two little girls.... one little big girl and one 18mo girl. dh is overseas the last year -iraq. id ask him if i could but im thinkin the best chance of gettin some good advice is here. can you help me?

it started this way: dd (10yrold) had a bunch of mustard on her hands and i came over with a warm wet cloth diaper and took her hands and began wiping them. she said
'mom, i can do it im not a baby' and i said
'i know your not a baby i just like it'
she asked 'are you just pretending im a baby?'
i kissed her hand in reply. then she asks 'do you like babies?'
and i tell her i do and i like her too.
she tells me she would be a baby for me if i'd like her to and im just starting to tell her that i love her the way she is when she decides that she really wants to do this.
im going....(in my head) well, i could get two bottles of milk instead of one, lay her and sister out on a blankie w/ toys, mabey she needs some extra lovins...etc.
when she hits me with the diaper

i told her i would have to think about the diaper. she seems a bit attatched to the idea. i told her i will need to think about it and ive escaped to the office for a minute and ive used about 5 typing this up....

oh, these kids....... they just keep coming up with the maximum allowable number of things that really flex my ability to expand my thinking and my heart.

help me please

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#2 of 5 Old 06-25-2005, 04:35 PM
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I remember having some crazy baby ideas when I was a kid. In fact, when I was about ten, I thought a diaper wouldn't be a bad thing. I hated to stop playing to go inside to use the bathroom, so I thought maybe if I used one of my sister's maxi pads, that would work. I actually tried it if you can believe it, but when I realized that I was way too big of a girl with way too much pee, that idea went by the wayside.

I think your daughter is just experimenting especially in light of the fact that you have such a young child in the home as well. Don't be suprised if she wants to try to actual diaper, but when she sees it just doesn't work (as long as it's not a Depends!), she'll lose interest! You could also introduce her to other roll playing ideas with other dress up stuff.
Good luck
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#3 of 5 Old 06-25-2005, 04:58 PM
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Ok, Ary99, I can do that. :-)

I think we need to keep reassuring our older children that we love the children they, even when we are gushing over the more helpless younger child. I also think some children pick up on a mother's need to nurture. Perhaps some children want to regress because they think the parent needs a baby, or finds it easier(or whatever) to care for a younger child. It could be the child's way of wanting to somehow take care of us.
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#4 of 5 Old 06-25-2005, 10:38 PM - Thread Starter
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yes, i agree that it is important to reassure the older child that they are as important as the younger more dependant sib. Because there is such an age difference between the girls, there is a huge difference in the amount of maintenence required by them. i mean, im dealing with the baby all day and she needs me for just about everything- shes a baby. my oldest, of course, has most of that handled and needs far less input from me to accomplish her goal and to know what she should be doing. i have noticed before how dispropotionate the time factor is and i do make myself available to my oldest by sitting with her quietly or drawing together or cooking... sometimes i can see that she needs more mom time... sometimes im not real sure what shes thinking...

like yesterday. when we returned home from the store with dinner and i started to prepare, i hear her yelling from her room that she is ready to be a baby now. i yell back ok cool.
she and baby sis make themselves cozy on a blanket in the living room, they yell for bottles of choc. milk. i dutifully bring bottles out to them, trying to ignore the diaper which 10 yr old has fastened on with two safety pins to extend the tabs far enought around. but i do repin the sides as shes got the things cutting into her hips. she never asked me to put it on her and she never hinted she wanted to actually use it. i guess she just wanted to wear it... whatever, i ignored it.

what i did immediatley understand though, is that the tone of my voice when talking to the two girls completley changes from high and singsong for the babe to clipped and terse with a bossy edge for my older. i never realized i was doing this until her little baby game made me aware of how different my normal way of talking to her is from my way of talking to her sister. i was totally floored, because i have always thought of myself as being sensitive to her needs and i thought i had been doing a pretty good job of making her feel loved and included when i am interacting with the two.

i have not been doing a good job. it was difficult for me at first to speak to her with the same accepting loving voice i use with her sister. i truley had my eyes opened. i feel really badly for not having noticed such a basic thing as this. it makes me wonder what im still not noticing...

the entire time she spent as 'the baby', she never was demanding or obnoxious, she just wanted to be loved. i have learned that i need to be more attentive and sensitive to that basic gut level need. that i need to be sure that she knows every day that i love her as much as i did when she was a babe. even more so.

Thanks for letting me share.

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#5 of 5 Old 06-26-2005, 12:50 AM
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I am sure with daddy being in Iraq that she is feeling very lonesome and extra clingy also..You know even though it is a little different I have something to share..

My son wore Goodnight pull-ups till he was 9 for bedwetting..We were staying with a friend and her kids for a couple months while our house was being finished..my friends 8 year old son starting taking pullups and putting them on..His mom caught him 4 times..She couldn't understand why he kept doing this as he has never had a wetting problem and he knew my son had kidney problems and this was why he wore them at night.Well I kept them "hid" in our room but for some reason the child kept taking them when ever he had a chance.He would wear them until he got caught by his mom..Now his mom was very upset by this and kept calling his doctor and going balistic on this child..The last time he took one and hid it under his pillow and got caught I asked him to come talk to me in my room.Before this I never talked to him about it because he wasn't my child and she wanted to handle it.I kept it lowkey and just asked him why he was taking them..At first he said he didn't know.But with some gentle prodding I got out of him that they made him feel safe again..ANd that made him feel good..

Well his parents had been fighting and splitting up for about a year..His mom was very controlling to him and I think that when me and my son moved in he saw a different kind of relationship that a child could have with a parent..He was trying to be like my son so that maybe he could get close to his mom the way my son was close to me..I told him he could be close to mom without taking something that didn't belong to him..He cried and said he needed the pullup..I was at a loss because I didn't know what to say then..I just hugged him and told him I would hug him anytime he felt he needed one..

I started keeping my son's pullups in the trunk of my car and got one out at night for him..It was all I could do..The child never asked me for another one...His mom was relieved..I honestly think she thought it was going to turn into some kind of fettish and she couldn't really deal with that..The little boy did climb into my lap pretty often for cuddle time though and asked for tons of hugs...With his parents fighting and seperating so much I think (but I am no doctor just a mom)that it was his way of asking for that love and saftey he felt as a small child..He saw my son recieving it and maybe in his mind the only diff was he wore pullups..I honestly don't know but I wanted you to know that it isn't uncommon for kids who are feeling insecure to want to be babies again and even acting it out sometimes...I know that I didn't see my bio mom from the time I was 2 1/2 till I was 11 but I remembered being breastfed and rocked and co-sleeping with her..I also remember after getting to be with her again being so insecure I needed to co-sleep with her again and yes I planked my big 11 year old bottem in her lap in the rocker and just held on to her while she rocked cause I was so insecure and needed her to just hold me and tell me she would never go away again.

Again I am glad she talking to you...That is the most important thing...Love Mylie xx
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