I don't post here often, but I need opinions.. teens and love. - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-30-2005, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 15 yo (will be 16 in September) DS has been dating girlfriend since March. She just turned 18. I was leery at first about this relationship since she is going away to college in the Fall, and the age difference thing.

Well, things have gotten serious with them very quickly. After a month, they were in "love." By using the quotes, I am not trying to diminish their feelings, but I do think there are big problems here.

They are both immature and very clingy with each other. Lately, they seem to have to see each other every day. He spends tons of time with her on the phone and IM'ing, plus sees her pretty much every day.

Last night, he took her out for her birthday and was gone for about 8 hours. They went shopping, out to dinner, etc... He told me that since he was not going to see her today, he wanted to take her out yesterday, which was fine. My son had plans to go somewhere tonight with some relatives and won't be back until later tomorrow.

It seems like every time they can't see each other, they both get very upset, with lots of crying from both of them and then if I am the one who is preventing it, I get the guilt trip from my son. Today he wanted her to stop by when I got home from work and before he left tonight (that was like 20 minutes) I told him no, because he just saw her last night, and I didn't want anyone here when I was just getting home from work. Not to mention he wasn't ready to go and our relatives were due here any second. Well, he tried to tell me that I was making girlfriend cry and that I was standing in the way of their happiness. Of course I don't want her to cry, but I had to stand firm on this. I found out that she was telling him how sad she was, etc.. Does anyone else think that this sounds like manipulation? Why couldn't she just let him go without making him feel bad? Why can't she accept the answer of "no?"

I tried to reason with my son a little while later that love also means that you love a person enough to "let them go" and have some kind of separate-ness.

Does this sound over the top to anyone else? I am worried about my son. He has gotten in this way too deep for someone so young.
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Old 07-01-2005, 03:19 AM
 
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I'm not the parent of a teen, but I remember my first love-- it's hard to have any perspective on life vs. love that first time out of the gate, YK?

It would worry me if he's missing out on the rest of his activities... you're only 15 once. My mom went through the same things with me-- she would say, "You are missing out on your life!" I didn't understand until I was more experienced that love doesn't mean spending every waking moment mooning over the other person. You still need your independence and dignity.

I'd bet he'll snap out of it sometime. Surely this infatuation can't last forever! Good luck, and maybe some more seasoned moms can offer their advice.
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Old 07-01-2005, 08:33 AM
 
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Immature love says, "I love you because I need you."
Mature love says, "I need you because I love you."

such is youth, hang in there
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Old 07-01-2005, 09:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That's a great quote, gendenwitha. Thanks.
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