10 yr old dd! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 07-04-2005, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd has just blown me away!!! :

She came into the kitchen a little while ago and asked if we could order pizza and I told her no because we didn't have the money. She was upset but I thought she understood.

Well a little while later the pizza delivery guy showed up with a pizza. I told him that we didn't order any pizza and after some arguing with me he finally left in a huff....well I come to find out that my daughter took the cordless in her room and ordered pizza!!!

I phoned the pizza place and let them know what happened and that if I really needed to pay for it they needed to give me a half hour to get to the bank to get some money...even though the money is in there for bills. The lady I talked to was great ~ she must have kids ~ she told me not to worry about it and they would cancel the order. Thank goodness cause we really couldn't afford $20 for pizza right now!

I don't know what to do about this...she lied to me for about 5 mins repeatedly before she finally told me that yes she did order it. I am so angry I just don't know what to do about this. She's grounded for now...
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#2 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 12:38 AM
 
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Oh no, mine is 9 yrs old. Is that what I have to look forward to. PS- Where do you live in Canada... we are from NB.

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#3 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Kim! We're in BC ~ way on the other side!

I don't know if all girls this age are like this but I sure know that there was a change with my dd right around the time she turned 10 :LOL...wasn't expecting this one though!
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#4 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 07:19 AM
 
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Oh, boy! I would be really, really : over that one. I don't know if your DD has allowance or her own money, but if my kids had ordered a pizza like that, THEY would be paying for it out of their own pocket. Especially after being told no.

FWIW, I noticed the "change" in my DD around 8-9...and now it's my DS, so it's not gender specific at least. Things DO get better...DD is now 12 and though we still have some snippy moments, things are definately on the upswing (thank the powers that be, I don't think I could handle TWO of them!)
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#5 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 07:50 AM
 
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Wow. I wonder if she thought about who would pay for it. :

Have you ever told your DD that you didn't have the money for something then gone back later and bought it anyway? I'm just wondering because my kids (11 and 15 yo's) think that there is a never-ending supply of money just waiting to be withdrawn with the ATM card or that you can use the card when you don't have any money, which is scary to me since they don't seem to have a good grasp on our financial situation at times.

I would sit her down and have an honest discussion about finances.
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#6 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 10:30 AM
 
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She would be paying for it by extra chores or no allowance.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#7 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You know what...there have been times when I have said we didn't have the money and then gone back and bought it but that was for little things like slushies when I found a few dollars in my purse. Definitely have to stop that!

Luckily when I called the pizza place they were really good about it and cancelled the order so I didn't have to pay for it but boy did I feel stupid after basically arguing with the delivery guy that we didn't order a pizza! I asked her how she intended on paying for it when it got here and she said she didn't know but I would imagine that she thought that I would just pay for it and she would deal with her consequences. Afterall she would have gotten her pizza! Little does she know that if I had to pay for it she wouldn't have been getting even one little bite of it!
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#8 of 14 Old 07-05-2005, 12:03 PM
 
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My dd is a couple years older than yours but we have had some ongoing issues.. she has stolen money on several occassions now.. logged into my paypal account and used funds alloted for other things to upgrade her photobucket account without asking! and while banned from the computer a short bit ago.. we took to hiding the wireless card for the laptop because she would sneak online with it.. anyhow looong story short card was hidden in my pillow case as we slept (ya shes THAT sneaky sometimes) I woke up to a pillowcase with a CUT.. yes thats right she took scissors to my pillow case : to get the card..

Honestly I dont know what the exact solution is.. its getting a *bit* better lately but its always about her wanting what she wants now!!! could be my fault because honestly when she was little she basically got whatever she wanted

Anyhow .. on the flipside she is so mature and capable in alot of ways that I try to remind myself that there is still alot of good there despite this current string of "undesirable" behaviour.. *sigh*

Just commiserating I guess.
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#9 of 14 Old 07-06-2005, 06:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmuma
Honestly I dont know what the exact solution is.. its getting a *bit* better lately but its always about her wanting what she wants now!!! could be my fault because honestly when she was little she basically got whatever she wanted
in some cases, that might be a reason too..spoiled since she really gets what she want but still there are some ways minimize her attitude..
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#10 of 14 Old 07-06-2005, 10:55 AM
 
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my daughter would have to pay from her allowance and would loose phone priviliges for 4 weeks.....meaning having to ask before using it.
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#11 of 14 Old 07-06-2005, 12:18 PM
 
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Well, I'd suggest talking with her and saying that what this situation shows you is that she needs to learn more about how to handle money/finances/budgeting. Then brainstorm with her ways that she can learn budgeting skills in a controlled environment with a set amount of $$, e.g. allowance, or being responsible for a particular family purchase. Or maybe something like the family being able to get pizza once a month (or whatever is realistic given your family budget) if she succeeds in helping you save the equivalent $$ in another given budget area?
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#12 of 14 Old 07-06-2005, 12:56 PM
 
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I would stick with the grounding and work off what the pizza would cost around the house. Maybe she should apolize to the pizza place.
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#13 of 14 Old 07-06-2005, 01:30 PM
 
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I'm wondering what it was your daughter really wanted. Did she really want a pizza from the pizza parlor, or did she just want pizza? I'm wondering if you had said something like, "I'm sorry honey, we just can't afford to have a pizza delivered from a pizza parlor, but hey, we could make a pizza, or hey, we could go to the grocery store and buy a frozen pizza..." Something like that if the outcome would have been different. I'm wondering if you had helped her get what she wanted in a way that you could afford, she wouldn't have called the pizza parlor.

I often think of these kinds of solutions *after* I've already said just "No." : But the more I practice looking at what it is the child really wants, and seeing if we can come up with a creative solution for them to problem solve and get what they want - within reason - the more I've seen my kids be able to delay gratification, and accept what is available to us at the time. If I've found that I've said just "No" but later I realize I could have problem solved with them to come up with a way that suits everyone, I go back to them and say, "You know what...I've figured out a way that we could get pizza afterall. It won't be a delivery pizza, but it will be a pizza. )."

Just mulling...

Laura
My kids are DS age 10, and DD age 8.
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#14 of 14 Old 07-06-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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I'd be seriously bummed about the sneaking, but we don't do grounding as a solution. I guess I'd try to respond in a way that allowed us to stay connected and convey information and guidance about honesty, finances, etc. For my son, grounding would make him resentful and we'd be LESS connected, and less able to communicate about the issue. Just my two cents
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