were you promiscuous as a teen? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Were you:
Promiscuous as a teen, and regret it. 96 16.67%
Promiscuous as a teen, and do NOT regret it. 73 12.67%
Not promiscuous, but sexually active as a teen, and regret it. 71 12.33%
Not promiscuous, but sexually active, and do NOT regret it. 163 28.30%
Not sexually active as a teen. 173 30.03%
Voters: 576. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-09-2005, 05:44 PM
 
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Voted sexually active and regret it. Was molested repeatedly by a teacher from the age of 11 to 13.....then got involved with (much) older men 'cos I though they loved me.....yeah right :

And for me it absolutely was a case of trying to feel loved and wanted. I had been sent away to school, was bullied and generally had zero self esteem. I wish that I had been able to take control of my sexuality in a way that would have let me feel comfortable and confident, instead of ashamed and dirty.
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Old 01-09-2006, 11:30 PM
 
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I was not sexually active as a teen.
I also hope my dd will be the same!
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Old 01-10-2006, 12:05 AM
 
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elcome tweetyznan! and

ITA with what you have said!

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 01-10-2006, 12:23 AM
 
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Nope. I waited until marriage. So did dh. And I've never regretted it.

Tamara: hs'ing Christian mom of five here and five in Heaven. Joyfully awaiting Punkin, coming mid-Sept!
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Old 01-10-2006, 01:06 AM
 
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I started having sex when I was 15. I couldn't wait to have sex!
I had my first 2 kids with him. I can't say I regret it, because I have my 2 lovely adult children, but I wish it wasn't him because he turned out to be such a dickwad. but he was my one and only for the time he was my one and only.
My next partner was when I was 19, and stayed with him for 11 years. then a very brief fling before I met dh, then dh.

I also regret not having had more lovers when I was younger.
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Old 01-10-2006, 02:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pfamilygal
Nope. I waited until marriage. So did dh. And I've never regretted it.
Me too. ITA! Good luck with your plans for a VBAC!

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 01-10-2006, 05:17 AM
 
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Hmm, I voted promiscuous but with no regret. It put me on the path to meeting DH and helped me to become the person I am today. However, by most standards I wouldn't be considered so.

I waited until after my 18th birthday to engage in sexual activity and I'm glad I waited until then, but I'm also glad that I had some experience before my husband. However, in a period of a year I had a new partner every couple of months (I've slept with 8 men total in my life) and I sometimes wonder what made me so active.

Looking back on it, I'm sure it was a combination of finally getting my braces off, getting to my goal weight, and developing a greater confidence in myself that led me to become overwhelmed with the male attention I received and I went with it. Oddly enough, all of the men I dated (they were all slightly older) were wonderful, kind and very respectful of me but I was the one who ended it in all cases except one. They were not replacing any nurturing from my family, it was simply me making up for lost time during at time when I was restless, not sure of what direction to take, and very vain & proud of all that I had overcome in regards to being an ugley duckling.

As for my children, I hope that love themselves enough to do whats right for them (& I know with certainty that I had to do what I had to do), but I definitely believe that there is a time & a place for everything. The ramifications for being promiscuous at 14 are a lot different than the consequences of being so at 18 or older.
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Old 01-10-2006, 11:40 AM
 
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I was active, but not promiscuous. I don't regret having been sexually active. Looking back I wonder why I got involved with the people I did though. More than the actual sex, the reasons for my being attracted to certain people were definitely a reflection of my insecurities/unmet needs.
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Old 01-10-2006, 04:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlestrengths
Why can't you "enjoy sex and claim [your] sexuality" with your husband?

In my opinion, you are a whore if you are having sex with a bunch of different guys all the time, just because you're 'instincts' tell you you need sex (and I don't mean "you" as YOU - just proverbial of course - I myself was pretty promiscuous from 18-22).
well, I guess because I didn't want to be married (I'm still not married, in a long term relationship). I certainly didn't want to settle down at 16. I've had a killer sex drive for as long as I can remember. I don't believe in supressing natural drives and desires- what makes someone a whore IMO is if she is using sex to get something else- whether it be money, trying to get the guy to marry her, or buy her dinner. I never have used sex as a means to an end other than mutual pleasure. I've learned a lot from my experiences and definately don't have any problem with sexual dysfunction in my relationship In fact if it hadn't been for the experiences I had with my best friend when I was in college I don't know if I would have found what I liked or needed to "o"

I just feel that my body is for my own enjoyment and I never felt as if I was "giving myself away" in any way- I felt as if I was developing my sexual self and having a good time doing it.

oh and I just have to comment on this:
Quote:
I was watching Dr. Drews show the other night and there was a man on there who was horrified at his small penis size....but wanted to have sex...but avoided it because he felt too small. You know - if he waited until he was in love with a person, and the person was in love with him, and they committed to each other to be married and with eachother forever and they had never had sex before with anyone else - it wouldn't really matter to her what his penis looked like - big or small - because 1) she wouldn't know any different and 2) because she LOVES him and is committed to him - not because of his penis size, but because she LOVES him.
that's a great reason to "try before you buy" IMO sure she loves him but she'll spend the rest of her life trying to figure out why she isn't enjoying sex and why she isn't having orgasms while her friends talk about how they are. If I had married one of the first guys I was with, oh man, I would have become a total prude because I thought something was wrong with me for not enjoying sex. Ignorance ain't always bliss when it comes to marrying Mr. Small

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Old 01-18-2006, 12:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveChild421
sure she loves him but she'll spend the rest of her life trying to figure out why she isn't enjoying sex and why she isn't having orgasms while her friends talk about how they are. If I had married one of the first guys I was with, oh man, I would have become a total prude because I thought something was wrong with me for not enjoying sex. Ignorance ain't always bliss when it comes to marrying Mr. Small
But somehow lesbians manage to have orgasms with no penis, large or small......
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Old 01-18-2006, 02:38 AM
 
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I didnt have sex persay with a lot of people but I would get in a car and make out with any tom dick or harry that had pot or booze. Not only was a promiscuous but not to bright. We would go with anyone any where and age didnt matter most times. I lost my virginty at 15 and by 17 I had been with 6 or 7 guys. Then it was just DH and I from then on out. I was with 2 boys before him and then we split up and I was with a few people and then we got back together. Not sure why I acted that way, I hated athority, I wanted to be everything no one wanted me to be. I would not fit in the mold that was set for me. Then in my twenties I expermented with women alot. But since the birth of my last child, I have lost my labito <sp> totally, I think it fell out at the hospital and no one returned it to me lol.
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Old 01-18-2006, 02:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momo7
I don't know....I want very much to teach my daughters the value of virginity. I think it is the most special thing you can give to the one that you love...and it shouldn't be thrown away lightly. If I could take back mine...I would in a heart-beat. I wish I'd never, never even laid eyes on that guy. It was such a slippery slope on a downward path. I married my husband (a military man, BTW) when I was 18...we've been together for 16 years. I love him SO much and I wish I would have saved that special part of me to give to him.

I couldnt agree more. I feel like I cheated myself that experience.Saving it, waiting it out, sharing it for the first time on that speical night. Maybe its old fashioned or corny but I really wish I had that chance.
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Old 01-18-2006, 03:37 AM
 
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i voted not sexually active as a teen. even though my first time was when i was 19.

i did go through several phases of promiscuity after that though. i've also had one self chosen dry spell of about 3 or 4 years since becoming sexually active. sometimes i've slept with boyfriends (and sometimes not) and sometimes friends or aquaintences, a few times with strangers.

since i've skirted stds and unwanted pregnancy. i can't say i have any regrets. but then the only thing i can think of that i really regret is never getting a mohawk. (and since i'm 30 i don't guess i'll ever fix that one) seriously though my past has brought me to my present and i am so happy with where i am now that i would not risk changing anything that brought me here.

as for my children i would love for them to wait for marrige. but that is an ideal and we humans are not likely to lead ideal lives. we're not perfect. and considering the average age of marrige keeps going up and up...

i would like for them to know that i love them and god loves them no matter what they do. that their bodies are their own. that sex is beatiful and natural and fun. i would like for them to wait until marrige but i would also like for them to marry their "soul-mates". if they find the "one" early in life i do think that would be a blessing but i would hope a long engagemen was planned if they were under say 20. if they can't won't or just don't wait till marrige i would like for them to at least wait for a special, loving, long-term, mutual, wonderful, beautiful partner and experience. i would like for them to fully understand and accept the mechanics of sex including the possible physical and emotional results. i would like for them to be at a place in their life where they will continue any resulting pregnancies.

i think that sums it up for me.
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Old 02-22-2006, 01:10 PM
 
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Well, I hope I can drag this back up. I clicked not sexually active as a teen (truth was I didn't do squat as a teen or young adult - no smooching, nada). But I'd also like to let it be known that I've got a bit of regret about that, truth be told, I was too shy, thought I was too fat, and of course didn't want to even think about pregnancy. But I really wish I had experimented even a little so as to know a few things about myself, and sexuality. I think sexuality is something that's healthy, natural and should be explored, so long as there is ample information about sex given to a teen or young adult. Also the importance of a respectful relationship should also be taught wrt sex ed.

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Old 02-22-2006, 01:51 PM
 
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I was sexually active, but didn't and don't consider myself promiscuous. By the time I'd married (at 23) I'd had around 20 partners. And I don't think that's alot. I'm sure some people do. I had sex when I wanted to have sex. I have/had a high sex drive.

So, I didn't vote. I don't regret almost all of my sexual life before marraige, and I certainly don't regret it after.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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Old 03-03-2006, 04:19 AM
 
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I was very promiscuous as a teen (several dozen partners btwn 17&20 yrs old), and I absolutely regret it! I have abandonement issues, guilt issues, trust issues, and a LOT of "exes"! Not to mention, an abortion, two miscarriages, and a child before I was 24! And then there's the lifelong pain in the ass (literally) of herpes, though that came from a date rape.

I came from a very progressive family, and I have literally no idea where my sex issues come from. My parents did everything right when it came to educating me and modeling healthy attitudes about sex. That scares the crap out of me, because that means I can't necessarily control that outcome with dd.

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Old 03-11-2006, 03:21 AM
 
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I have to admit, I was very promiscuous as a preteen/teen and I do NOT regret it! To be honest, i would probably be just as promiscuous if I could go back to those years as I was the first time.
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Old 03-11-2006, 03:26 AM
 
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I had lot of boyfriends, lots of fooling around, but no sex untill I was 17 he was my first(well that's obvious LOL) and he is now the father of my 2 ds, been almost 12 years!!!
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Old 03-11-2006, 11:35 PM
 
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was i promiscuous throughout my teen years-no, but at some point during my teen years-yes(13-14).Looking back at my actions i can honestly say to some degree my lack of affection from my mother may have played a part but at the time I saw it as a way, my way of fitting. i didn't fit in with anybody which made me feel like a nobody- not the athletes, not the band, not the cheerleaders, not the "nerds", nor the class clowns or any other social group. so what could i do about it? get noticed. i thought being easy would make me "cool" ( i really didnt think things through...for that matter i really didnt think at all) Lack of nurturing may play a part in promiscuity but i honestly believe even in the most loving, open, nurturing home there's room for error. In my case looking for love, looking for acceptance, looking for validation all in the wrong places in the wrong way.
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Old 03-17-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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I agree with "mama two" I had a long term boyfriend that I started dating in my teen years. We began having sex when I was 15. I do regret doing it that early on. I wish I would have focused more on school and other things up until the age of 18.

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Old 03-17-2006, 10:16 PM
 
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I lost my virginity @ 14yrs old and i regret it. I also regret the amount of people i slept with which was about 10 people in highschool.

I never knew my dad, and looking back i so longed for a man/boys attention and affection.

Being a mother now, makes me regret it even more. I pray that my daughter never has to feel so alone.
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:41 AM
 
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Promiscuous as a teen, and do NOT regret it. is what i picked as being most applicable and the most accurate answer to what i thought you were asking

i think most people would consider me promiscuous, but i never considered myself to be so. i do regret some of my partner choices. i hope my DC enter the realm of the sexual active with more taste. if only for the jokes at family get-togethers later.

besides 1st time was awful (not his fault or mine, just wished someone had known what they were doing), i would hate for that to have been my DH. i certainly would not want my DD to be married to someone she had the sort of experience with and i will probably tell her so, especially if she asks.
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Old 04-13-2006, 01:56 AM
 
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Hard to answer the poll. I had one sexual partner from the time I was 19 (still technically a teen) to age 24 when we broke up. I don't regret it at all.
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Old 04-15-2006, 12:55 PM
 
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I was pretty much a slut! Wow, how easy that is to say in the anonyminity of cyberspace!!! I do regret it now. Part of why I was promiscuous was due to my home life...drunk, abusive mom....emotionally distant dad. Also, there were so many rumors floating around about me, I thought why not!? They all think I do anyway! I was tall (5'9"), skinny (118 lbs), long blonde hair and huge boobs (DD). There were always rumors going around about how I had sex with certain teachers (which I didn't) and how I had an abortion (again, not true....at that time I was still a virgin). I also started using drugs for pretty much the same reasons.

Anyway, I do regret just giving myself to guys because that's what they wanted! I valued myself so little that I thought that was all I could offer.

Do I want better for my dd?! YES! I do want her to wait to have sex...maybe not for marriage, but certainly for a commited relationship...more than just teen aged puppy love. I want her to value herself and know that she has more to offer someone than sex!

BTW, my dd tells me everything ...I am not looking forward to the day when she comes home to tell me, in detail, about her first sexual experience...and she will!
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Old 04-25-2006, 01:50 AM
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I was not at all sexually active as a teen and I regret it. I had 1 boyfriend for about 3 months when I was 14 and that was it until I was 18. I lost my virginity at 18 (yeah, still a teen but I was out of high school), then married the next guy I slept with. I love DH, I really do, but I wish I'd experienced more before settling down. I have dreams about having sex with other guys and have fantasies about cheating because I would love to know what it's like to be with a lot of different men. I won't cheat and I wish the fantasies would go away.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:15 AM
 
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2Sweeties, I know exactly what you mean: I have a friend who was not at all sexually active as a teen and very much regrets not having been. She basically says the same thing you do about it. I was just the opposite (as I mentioned above): I was quite the little promiscuous vixen and no, I did not, and still do not regret it, nor do I make apologies for it. It helped me know what I wanted. Was I what could have been defined as a "slut"? Probably, but it never bothered me then and, looking back on it now, still doesn't bother me.
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Old 04-25-2006, 11:43 AM
 
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2Sweeties1angel, I did not loose my virginity till I was 23. I also did not have a father growing up (he died when he was 4) but my need to feel safe went the extreme... I did not trust people easily (would they protect me?) So that's why I waited so long.

By 23, I was desperate it would never happen, so I slept with someone who became my first real boyfriend.

I do not regret being sexually active as a teen (I feel the opposite feelings that you do, let me explain).

I dated "stupid" for a year. He was handsome, GREAT in bed, but a loser. He was a musician, but had emotional issues. He was verbally abusive to his mother (his mom divorced his dad when he was little). He smoked weed from time to time. He didn't want to work, he was a super at his father's apartment building. I moved in (a thief trashed my apartment and I was too spooked to go back). After a few months, he started ignoring me and just hung out with his friends. I was very withdrawn and just kept to myself. By one year, we broke up. It was very good thing too. I shudder to think what our life would have been like together if we married and had children. (I really thank God we never got pg and ended up tied to the hip for 18 years.) I was a completely different person then.

Then I started dating the person who I married. He was pretty opposite of stupid in every way, but kind, loving, was really into ME!, compassionate, very successful, yada, yada, yada.

I do not regret having "more lovers."

I regret having the one I did. I know that sounds weird to some.

When I was at my midwive's office, she had some ancient (80s ) birth book with stories of women. One homebirth mama was determined to wait to have sex until she found the man who would father her children. WOW. I was blown away. That sounded so pure to me. I wish I had read that story when I was a teenager.

I had a lot of amazing sex with "stupid." I don't spend time dwelling on it or yearning for it or remember that year in my life fondly. I don't wish for him again. UGH!!!! Sex without love sucks (to me).

He also gave me an STD (chlamydia) we had unprotected sex once in awhile (he was curious to see what it felt like). That's the risk you take when you sleep with someone who has slept with more than 10 people! Arghhh! What an idiot I was!

There is some Tara Reid movie (don't remember the title) about college students? and she goes off on some guy because her friend claims that he raped her. There is a very telling scene where he has sex with her on top of a parked car. Yuck. I'm sure some people imagine all sorts of things, but when it's really happening (sex without love) really isn't all that it's cracked up to me. That movie "Unfaithful" also had a lot of "hot" passionate sex scenes, but I have the same reaction. Ugh. The only movie with a hot passionate sex scene that I really enjoy is "The Big Easy" because there was real chemistry/passion between the characters (at end of the movie they end up married.)

I wish you peace. Having this issue torment your thoughts is rough.

I swear, prayer helps! Try it. See if it helps you. It can't hurt.

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Old 04-25-2006, 12:21 PM
 
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I was sexually active, I hope I had waited a little bit more.
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Old 04-25-2006, 12:28 PM
 
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I was promiscous and REGRET IT BIG TIME.
I was looking for approval and love I didn't find at home. My firsy bf, who I was with for 2 years, was A LOT older than me. Even though my parents were married and my dad was physically there he was emotionally absent. This guy cared. It was kind of twisted, but if I bombed a test it was my bf who would be upset not my dad. Thanks to bf, I graduated at the top of my class and never got into drugs. Not saying our relationship was right, it wasn't, but it could have been worse.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:17 PM
 
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As a teen, I had sex with only two boys. Both were "serious" relationships.

In college, I was too promiscuous. I do regret it. One day, I ran across my old phone book from college/early adulthood. I had a hard time finding men's names in there that were men I did NOT sleep with. I was at one point all excited when I would run across a man's name that I can honestly say I didn't sleep with. (The music minister from church LOL) YAY me!

It wasn't an approval thing...I just liked sex. I would gladly go back to those years and NOT *do* most of those guys.

I hope my daughter finds a partner and has a long healthy relationship with him. I hope she never does the "trolling for men" things that I did.
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Refbacks are Off