were you promiscuous as a teen? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Were you:
Promiscuous as a teen, and regret it. 96 16.67%
Promiscuous as a teen, and do NOT regret it. 73 12.67%
Not promiscuous, but sexually active as a teen, and regret it. 71 12.33%
Not promiscuous, but sexually active, and do NOT regret it. 163 28.30%
Not sexually active as a teen. 173 30.03%
Voters: 576. You may not vote on this poll

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#121 of 131 Old 04-25-2006, 04:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlestrengths
In my opinion, no teen is emotionally ready for sex outside of a marriage relationship.
Quote:
How do you know how sex with multiple partners will affect your child? Just because multiple partners doesn't affect you - doesn't mean it won't affect your child.
This interests me. In the first part that I quoted, you say no teen is emotionally ready. In the second part, you talk about the difference in how sex with multiple partners affects one person, and how it will affect another. So, in the second, you acknowledge that people are all different, but in the first, you make it sound as though all teens are the same.

Quote:
Girls want to have sex to please boys, and boys want to have sex because they're hormonal.

I was as hormonal as any guy I knew when I was younger - and more so than some of them. I'm not sure I can identify a single moment from age 12 to age 18 that I wasn't horny. Sure, there were other factors at play, but there were other factors at play for the boys, too. This kind of stereotype is a bit ridiculous.

Quote:
Within a marriage relationship, both partners can trust eachother with their deepest most intimate self - and only then.
That's what I have now, and I don't want anything else. But, when I was younger, I wasn't so much into that. I did marry the man that I got together with at 16 (he was 15). We stayed together until just after he turned 30. The last several years were absolute hell. I couldn't trust him with anything at all. Honestly, I'm glad that I'd had a couple of sexual partners before I met him, because "giving up" my virginity in an exercise of mutual horniness was much easier on me than knowing that I'd "saved" it for a worthless jerk like my ex!

Anyway....I voted "sexually active, and don't regret it". I definitely regret that my ex was such an accomplished liar, and that I didn't realize what he was really all about until we were married, with a son. I regret that we didn't live together before we got married, because if I'd lived with him, I'd have known what he was all about. On the other hand...I have my wonderful, talented, creative, kind, loving, intelligent ds1. So - no regrets.

And, I don't regret any of my sexual experiences before I met my ex - except the ones that weren't consensual, and those were before I was a teenager, anyway...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#122 of 131 Old 04-25-2006, 04:15 PM
 
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Oh, my - I just realized how old this thread is! I guess my response was kind of pointless.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#123 of 131 Old 04-25-2006, 04:36 PM
 
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I was not sexually active as a teen, and I regret it tremendously.
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#124 of 131 Old 04-25-2006, 06:33 PM
 
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I said I was sexually active as a teen and don't regret it. Depending on your def. of teen, not sexually active might be more accurate. I was 18, so technically a teen but an adult teen.
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#125 of 131 Old 04-25-2006, 06:42 PM
 
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I got married when I was 27 adn DH was 30 and it was the 1st time for us both and we were both so happy it was that way for us.
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#126 of 131 Old 04-25-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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Attached Mama -- that made me smile

Since i just discovered this forum ten minutes ago, I'll asnwer this but no tthe poll because I'mnot sure how to.
I have only slept with one guy willingly and that'smy husband. We began having sex a few months after we committed ourselves to each other. I say that I lost my virginity to him. Technicaly, however, my virginity was taken from me in in the least happy of wayswhen I was 15 and I continued that abusive relationship for a while. So while I was sexually active as a teen, it was with my husband. Myfirst son was born when I was 18, a month after our 2nd anniversary

For my kids, I want them to have sexually healthy lives at whatever age. I want them to kno w and enjoy sex in healthy,loving relationships. Committed relationships preferably. I am not against experimentation and whatnot and I think it can be healthy. My oldest is 7 and I already shudder to think that in as many years, sex will be on his mind, even if only a blip on the radar. I think I would be disappointed tofind my children sleeping around and engaging in risky behaviours and unhealthy relationships. The best I can do though is to hope and pray and model a happy relationship to them.

Namaste, Tara
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#127 of 131 Old 07-12-2013, 03:44 AM
 
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Hello, I hope it's not too late to post here! I wonder if you would accept some input from a guy.
I was not only NOT promiscuous, I was such an outsider and a momma's boy that I didn't even know anyone was having sex. I wonder where all these girls are/were who competed, kept lists (# of guys in a night? WOW! Where was I?). I feel like all of that happened in a galaxy I was not allowed to visit. I missed the secret memo.
I didn't know there were parties, didn't go away to college-- in fact, no girl ever said two words to me all through HS. This whole process of having experiences, finding out who you are and what works for you, what YOU want out of life and out of relationships, never happened. I was expected to be responsible for my parents--since they did not get along--and that is exactly what I did, at the expense of my own social and psychological development and long-term well-being. I learned to be
ashamed of my sexuality and of my desire for independence.
And I ABSOLUTELY regret and resent having been left out and ignored. You better believe it!
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#128 of 131 Old 07-12-2013, 05:15 AM
 
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Sorry for posting on a zombie threat! Shemphoward revived it...

I lost my virginity my senior year in high school (I was 17, barely) to a guy I had a crush on. The next day his best friend screamed it through the halls. I was mortified and labeled a slut, but he was slapped on the back and given high fives. I never had sex with any other person in high school and didn't for a long time until after I moved away. I regret that experience (the way I lost my virginity). I wish I had one like my husband: he and his first "love" dated and stayed together for a long time.

I think that even as a teen, if you have a good experience with someone you Iove and trust you'll have a healthier outlook on sex as an adult, but this belief is due to my background. I went through a time when one could say I slept around, I was 18-19 away form we're I grew up and on my own. For all intents and purposes I was an adult, but given my age as a teenager ill say, I don't regret it at all. Everyone has a different threshold for what they think is promiscuous. I don't think I was promiscuous as a teen, but someone else may judge me to have been.

I hope that when this baby arrives and the day comes that I have to have "the talk" with he or she (I never got the Talk) I can let them know my story so hopefully they can learn from it. But, that won be happening for about 15 years so who knows what I'll actually do or say.

Interesting question.
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#129 of 131 Old 07-14-2013, 06:25 AM
 
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I guess I would say I was promiscuous as a teen but I do not regret it at all.  I think it has made me who I am today and I do think it's made me a better lover to my dh.  My 16 year old SD became sexually active last year at 15 with her boyfriend.  She trusted me enough to come and talk to me and tell me that they were thinking about it and she wanted to go on bc.  We had a long discussion about it, what was good about it and what the risks were.  I told her I wasn't going to encourage her to have sex but if she felt she was ready I would completely accept it and support her decision.  This happened last summer and her and her bf are still together and in a very loving committed relationship.  Sex is a part of their relationship but it is not what their relationship is based on.  And my sd and I talk alot and she knows she can come to me with any questions or advice. 

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#130 of 131 Old 07-17-2013, 05:30 PM
 
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I appreciate this thread for a couple of reasons.

 

I can't away from the moral/judgment aspect of the word "promiscuous." I just realized that beyond nonconsent/coercive sexual situations, I just don't have much judgment or "should" about it from an absolutist/moral perspective. Some choices are more likely than other to result in personal harm, but I don't see that as much different than choices in other realms of life (finances, cleaning the house, etc.)

 

I did make some choices sexually that were harmful to me. I don't regret anything at this point. It's all part of the discovery of life and has contributed to whom I've become, and I like me.

 

I am at a point now as a middle-aged, single woman with two teenagers where I'm really figuring out what I believe about sexual activity and what it means to me, what values I do hold, what lines I believe to be appropriate and acceptable. I don't think that people who don't have the same lines are necessarily wrong. (Again, nonconsent and coercion are never okay. Hard line on that!) But it's not what I was taught it is, it's not what I feared it might be, and it's not what I've made it into.

 

I want for my children: I want them to enjoy sexual activity for it being sexual activity as soon as possible (in their sexual experience, not as soon as possible in their lives!), without it being about pleasing others, about hoping for a relationship, about acquiring experience or social status (whether in their own heads or with others). I want them to be able to know what they want, how to ask for it, and to avoid partners who aren't willing to play that way. I want my son to see sex not as something that he gets from someone, but something that he shares with someone -- and now that we're to this point, I am wondering how to frame it this way because I know what message he's getting from his father. I want my daughter to see herself as an active participant and sex as something that is about her pleasure. I want them both to recognize the greater emotional and social pieces that sexual activity sparks. If we tell them anything, we tell them about reproduction. We don't (as a culture) go much into the vast emotional landscape, and how it affects relationships.

 

So thanks for this thread. It gave me a good space to think about what I really think and feel.

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#131 of 131 Old 07-17-2013, 05:46 PM
 
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As far as being "emotionally ready" goes, there are a great many things in life for which we may not be "emotionally ready," if by that we mean "can't possibly be hurt by at all." I wasn't "emotionally ready" to graduate from college and get a grown up job (and I was late 30s). To some extent, I believe that we become "emotionally ready" through experience and perserverance rather than for waiting for a moment of perfection that may never come.

 

Are we not ready for sex because of age/maturity, or because we've been led to believe that it means things that it doesn't have to?

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