my daughter peirced her carteledge - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-15-2005, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh my gosh..my daughter has yet again done something without me approving. she got her carteledge peirced. when i told her to take it out she said no b\c her older sister told her that i would get over it just like i did when she got her tongue peirced. She's only 13 and she's already acting like a 16 year old. help
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#2 of 10 Old 07-15-2005, 06:15 PM
 
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I would almost be more compelled to make her remove it just because of her smart alecky response (even if I was prepared to look the other way)
My dd is 13 and recently wanted her bellybutton pierced for her 8th grade graduation present.
I had told her long ago that she couldnt get it done until she turned 16 and I really wanted to say no.
In the end dh had a really great point where he told me that she is going to want to do what her peers are doing and I will not stop her wanting that, and by tryign to force her to be who I think she should be it is likely to backfire. I dont want her growing up too fast and I would like some things to wait until she is older.
He pointed out that the "biggies" for teens cant be speeded up no matter what the kids do. NO matter if I let her get her bellybutton pierced at 13, she still cant get her drivers license until she is 16. She still wont graduate high school until she is finished. She cant vote till she is 18 or buy alcohol until she is 21.
If she tries to speed up what she does have control over (or I do) those things are usually smallies.

In your circumstance however she is obviously challenging you by telling you she wont take it out and that you will give in. It is your perogative to give in when you feel it is appropriate. If she feels that you will give in to anything regardless of whether or not you think it is appropriate (due to her manipulation, rather than you changing your mind) this could be a way she is testing the waters to make sure she still has a grown up looking out for her.
It almost sounds to me like she is begging you to step in.
I know that my post sounds contradictory, and it is.
I just want you to know you arent alone with dealing with these things.
hth
Joline
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#3 of 10 Old 07-15-2005, 06:35 PM
 
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I hate to say this, but it's medically dangerous to take it out at this point. It needs to heal around the stud or else abscesses are quite likely to form in cartilage.
However, make her take care of it and, when it heals, (3 to 4 months is what I'd say; not truly healed, but the risk of infection/abscess is significantly reduced. Plus, at that point, it will still heal over quickly and not provide a permanent hole that she can just stick the earring back into.) make her take it out. It will be even more of a blow than just demanding immediate removal.
I am neither a piercer nor a doctor, but have been researching piercings for years and this is the advised course of action from the most prestigious piercers in North America.
Also, if she got it done by a piercing gun, Google "piercing gun damage" or something along those lines. Make her read the articles about infection, unhygienic practices, and side effects. Make her look at the pictures of damaged ears, noses, and nipples (can you believe that?! : ). It might make her think twice next time.

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#4 of 10 Old 07-15-2005, 08:06 PM
 
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Am I the only one who thinks it's not a big deal at all?

I would not even think "prohibiting" it ahead of time... and if my teen did it would remind him how to take care of it (he had an earing to look like his Dad, I think up to 13 or 14. After that he decided it wan't cool and took it off)
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#5 of 10 Old 07-15-2005, 08:40 PM
 
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Oh I’d be nuts! Not so much because of the piercing but because no responsible piercing/tattoo parlor would pierce a minor. Anywhere else (like a mall shops) use guns rather than hollow needles to pierce and they can not be properly sterilized so there can be some serious health risks.

In case your DD did get it down with a gun, print this out for her-

http://www.safepiercing.org/FAQ.html

Scroll down about halfway to "What is the APP POSITION on Stud Guns?"

.

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#6 of 10 Old 07-15-2005, 10:25 PM
 
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I am kind of with you, irinam. Though the outright defiance would bother me (and luckily, I don't have to deal with it), there are very few outright "forbidden" things around my house.
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#7 of 10 Old 07-16-2005, 07:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irinam
Am I the only one who thinks it's not a big deal at all?

I would not even think "prohibiting" it ahead of time... and if my teen did it would remind him how to take care of it (he had an earing to look like his Dad, I think up to 13 or 14. After that he decided it wan't cool and took it off)
I'm with you. My belief is that my kids' bodies are their own. I'd want to make sure that the piercing was done under sterile conditions, and that she/he knew how to care for it while it healed.

I think, llammapeace, that some battle lines have been drawn between your dd and yourself. She made a decision that you didn't like, but it was about her own body and you couldn't stop her. Now you want to "make" her let the holes close up, but how, exactly can you do that? If she really wants the earings, she'll find a way to keep them. Or have them re-done. Or find some other way to express herself. Some kids give in to control and go along with it and the parents think they're raising "good" children, other kids refuse to give in. I think control can really backfire, either way.

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#8 of 10 Old 07-16-2005, 08:35 AM
 
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I gotta agree, speaking as a once rebellious teenager who got her ears pierced without mother's approval, she went off her tree but apart from holding me down and taking them out what could she do? Mind you it took me two years to tell her I got a tattoo :
As Dr Dill says, pick your battles. I tend to be a bit authoritarian with my boys and while I try so hard to relax about some things it can be hard. At 13 she is going to be doing a lot of things with or without your approval, how much you know about let alone approve of will depend on how you react to the insignificant things.
Peace
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#9 of 10 Old 07-16-2005, 05:32 PM
 
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Well, it IS her ear. Not yours.

But I think she needs a calm, non-punitive, non-lecturing education on the real risks of having ANYTHING let alone cartilage pierced by some undertrained twit with a piercing gun.

Perhaps in future if she should want to be pierced you could let her know you'd be available to help her find a skilled reputable piercer so it can be done safely.
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#10 of 10 Old 07-16-2005, 09:49 PM
 
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irinam, I agree -- personally, I wouldn't care if my dc got/did a piercing without my consent, unless it was done stupidly or with a gun. >_<
I was just giving advice based upon the op's personal feelings/rules.

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