obnoxious singing - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 08-27-2005, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
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Well, y'all probably wont remember but I was on a few months ago regarding some difficult problems I was having with my just turned 13 year old.
Well the good news is we are way past all of that and are really solid and in a GREAT place right now.
Ok so I have a 13 year old daughter who loves to sing. Last year she took Voice at school and really got better at singing than she ever had been.
All of this is a good thing.
Add to this that I believe that singing is an expression of Joy and I also believe we can always use more joy. It is like smiling and laughing.
Singing is good for the soul etc. . .
And in a very deep down and profound way I think it should be encouraged.

And yet, it is driving me absolutely bananas. She sings quite loudly, the kind of music you really belt out from your diaphragm. We have six of us in our family and I would really like to sit down at dinner without her belting out "R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me. . ."
It is very loud and I am very sensitive to sounds. I dont even like to listen to music much myself.
So while it might be an expression of joy. And I couldnt be happier that she is in a point where she feels joy. . .
I dont feel so joyful when encountered with it several times a day.
I have tried hinting around that it is a bit loud or maybe now is not a good time (the babies are napping for instance) but she really acts like she is hurt by these suggestions. Like I am saying "your singing sucks". Which is not it at all.
Anyway. When you have too much of a "good thing" how can you help tone it down without destroying its esssence?
I really feel my hands are tied. I no more want to tell her to stop singing than tell her to stop laughing or smiling. But it is really annoying for the rest of us.

ps. Yes I am counting my blessings that this is my only "problem" right now by the way.
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#2 of 4 Old 08-28-2005, 01:46 AM
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I am sensitive to loud sounds myself. My boys (DH and DS) love to listen to music super loud (to my taste), so I know where you coming from (well, kinda), and they make fun of me for always demanding to turn it down when we are together in the car. I don't mind presenting it as *my* weakness, but yet something that I feel strongly about. Well, even if the radio was on loud when I am getting in the car, they would turn it about half way down without me asking anymore :LOL

Does your DD know you are sensitive to loud sounds, other than her singing? I would approach this by commenting on other loud sounds at first, may be exadurating a little bit "Oh my, I seem to be getting even more distressed by sounds" for a while. Then when the "belting at the dinner table" happens I would say "Oh, hon, you know how loud sounds make me feel... "

Though at 13 there is no guarantee that she will not take any approach you use as a stab at her talent...

Good luck mama and let us know what if anything worked - my own DD is as loud as a police siren, so if she takes up singing later, I am doomed...
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#3 of 4 Old 08-28-2005, 02:05 PM
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We have sort of the same problem at our house at the moment except mine is a cheerleader. It is seriously driving me batty. First, I NEVER thought a dd of mine would be into this. Did not see that one coming... Second, who is this tall blonde girl with pompoms running around my house yelling, waving her arms around and jumping up and down??? Funny, I don't remember letting this person into my house.:LOL

I'm hoping that this will run it's course and won't be an issue again. For now, I'm just telling her that I know she needs to practice, but please do it where I can't hear it, there is enough NOISE in my life (I have a 4 and 5 yo too.) The sting is taken out when I remind her that I'm going to see her at all of the games and when she learns something new, I do want to see it. Just not repeatedly. She knows that I like quiet, lots of noise just freaks me out and I think she respects that. Right now, she's just so excited and, well, cheery.

Maybe with some gentle explaining that you're sensitive to noise your dd will understand. Some people like soft back massages and others like vigorous ones, but massages are always a good thing, just like singing. Maybe suggest practicing away from you, but always listen to what she has been working hard on or a new song. I hope your situation works itself out, I know how touchy it can be.

Come to think of it, I think I drive my kids nuts singing all of the time. :
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#4 of 4 Old 08-28-2005, 05:22 PM - Thread Starter
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She knows i am very sensitive to noise.
It is the "thorn in her side" she always has to listen to her music full blast only when I am not home or on headphones.
I dont even like music I like played loudly or when I am not in the mood.
So she even knows it isnt about her taste in music.

I guess I will go that route, by explaining how loud it is to me.

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