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Watch your girls!!!! Please!

5K views 64 replies 36 participants last post by  green betty 
#1 ·
Just had to share the scary thing I saw at work over the weekend. We had a 12 year old come in complaining of abdominal pain. After testing and examination we determined that she had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Here chlamydia cultures came back positive. We were freaking out. She denied having sex and we were suspecting maybe she had been abused.

Finally we asked the mom if we could talk to the child alone. She admitted that she goes to "bracelet" parties and thinks she might have gotten "sick" there. Apparently the girls wear a bunch of colored bracelets and the boy chooses one at random off her wrist with his eyes closed. Each color corresponds to a different sex act (oral, vaginal, etc). The boy and girl then go into another room to do their assigned act. Kind of like a really promiscuous "spin the bottle."

The girl admitted that she had gone to several of these parties a month for the last year, and didn't know how many boys she'd had relations with. We ended up having to call CPS about the situation per state law (must report STDs). IMO - if your daughter is going to unsupervised parties of this nature in middle school you need to get your act together!

My mom was one of the ones who rarely let us go to parties. She always called and talked to the host's parents to make sure there was good supervison and would volunteer to help chaperone. I plan on being the same sort of mom myself. Heck, I may only let the kids have guests here. That way I am watching them.

This poor girl may end up being infertile because of the damage to her young reproductive system. How sad and stupid. I just wanted to shake her mama and tell her to start watching her child! Yuck.
 
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#52 ·
What would you define as an inappropriate response?

Is there a list of appropriate responses somewhere?

I have heard of this when suspects are arrested, and I do not know what exactly they mean. I have up to this time been cooperative with law enforcement, but not anymore.

I have been a door mat too many times.
 
#53 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by pfamilygal
The reason I said that we should watch our girls is because girls seem to bear more of the physical consequences of sexual activities. Boys don't contract STD's as easily and do not get pregnant. Boys do not have near the risk of developing permanent life-changing infertility.


Actually - that is totally false. Not only are boys equally (if not more at risk)for STD's including HIV, but certain STD's (gonorrhea and chlymidia (sp?) spring to mind) will cause sterility in men if not treated properly. And , generally speaking, the syptoms of many STD's are less symptomatic in men, and men are less likely to seek treatement due to social stigma and believing myths like "boys are less likely to get STD"s!" And of course, AIDS will permanently change a man's life - by ending it.

just an aside....No one want to see children and teens of either sex get STD's or face the adult decsions surrounding an unplanned pregnancy. Education - teaching the facts & teaching self-respect - is necessary. Getting worked up everytime you see a kid wearing a jelly bracelet isn't.
 
#54 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by pfamilygal
Yes, we will be watching our son too. And teaching him about how real men act - with self-control. Yes, hormones are real, but we are not animals who must obey them without thinking.
1st of all, we ARE animals. And no one said we must obey them without thinking. I know (and hope you do too) that many teenagers and adults actually like (and choose) to follow their hormones on this, because it feels good to do so. That doesn't make them more or less irresponsible than those who choose not to act on these impulses.

Real men act with self control?!? So having sex means you lack self control? Or is it just having sex out side of marriage? The issue with "sex parties" is respect--for ones self and for others, not self control. I think I'm pretty much done with this thread.....
:

Caraboo, I agree totally with your 2nd paragraph, but the 1st one is incorrect--well, the part about males contracting STDs. They are generally less likely to catch STDs like HIV and gonorrhea/chlamydia, mostly due to the nature of those diseases and the was sex works. Those diseases are most easily transmitted from one mucous membrane to another. A male's exposed mucous membrane is just the meatus (pee hole, if you will), whereas a females entire genital area is composed of mucous membranes. Also if a man ejaculates into the female, that bacteria or virus is basically sitting inside her vagina, cervix and uterus (and peritoneal cavity possibly), which are all basically mucous membranes. Sucks, but thems the breaks I guess.


Of course that does NOT mean that men can't get them, nor should men/boys be given that impression.

Kelly
 
#55 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy
Caraboo, I agree totally with your 2nd paragraph, but the 1st one is incorrect--well, the part about males contracting STDs. They are generally less likely to catch STDs like HIV and gonorrhea/chlamydia, mostly due to the nature of those diseases and the was sex works. Those diseases are most easily transmitted from one mucous membrane to another. A male's exposed mucous membrane is just the meatus (pee hole, if you will), whereas a females entire genital area is composed of mucous membranes. Also if a man ejaculates into the female, that bacteria or virus is basically sitting inside her vagina, cervix and uterus (and peritoneal cavity possibly), which are all basically mucous membranes. Sucks, but thems the breaks I guess.


Of course that does NOT mean that men can't get them, nor should men/boys be given that impression.

Kelly
Kelly - I get your point about the biological diff. in the spread of STD's. I was concerned by the attitude of the OP which seemed to be that "boys don't face as many risks when having sex."

I guess my main point is that too many people downplay or don't discuss that boys/men CAN and DO get STDs and they have serious consequences if untreated (i.e. epidydimitis (sp?) that can lead to types of arthritis, infertility issues, etc.)
 
#56 ·
Very true. I've got a male friend who's now infertile because of untreated...chlamydia, I think it was. He was an absolute mess when he found out. He said he didn't know if he'd have ever had kids, anyway - but that's not how he wanted the decision to be made.
 
#57 ·
Is anyone else uncomfortable with the details provided by the OP. Aren't there privacy rules that you shouldn't talk about patients, even if you don't give names? I'd hate to find my Physician or nurse or doula discussing my birth on some board somewhere. I know you're trying to help and share information, but I feel little weird hearing about cases of 12 and 16 yo girls through the Internet.
 
#58 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellien C
Is anyone else uncomfortable with the details provided by the OP. Aren't there privacy rules that you shouldn't talk about patients, even if you don't give names? I'd hate to find my Physician or nurse or doula discussing my birth on some board somewhere. I know you're trying to help and share information, but I feel little weird hearing about cases of 12 and 16 yo girls through the Internet.
I absolutely am not uncomfortable with the details and the lack thereof. She provided nothing which would identify the real 12 year-old girl among millions of other 12 year-old girls.

At least some of ALL of our physicians, dentists, doulas, chiropractors, massage therapists, podiatrists, nurses, cosmetologists, etc., etc. UNDOUBTEDLY discuss their cases, clients and patients on a DAILY basis with others -- on the Internet, in e-mail, over the phone, on message/discussion boards and in person. As long as they are not giving information to reveal the person's identity, and therefore, breaching their privacy, they are exhibiting nothing but ordinary human behavior.
 
#59 ·
The ob-gyn.net forums can be read by anybody, and they discuss specific cases there all the time. I think privacy rules must be limited to information that can actually identify the client/patient.
 
#60 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride
I think privacy rules must be limited to information that can actually identify the client/patient.

Yep. Now if she had said "I was at a clinic in Topeka, the one on Main St, and an overweight 12 year old brunette from Cleaver High came in with
" then that would present a ethical/legal issue.

Well, actually, this may have been unethical....you're supposed to use discression, really only discuss the case with other professionals or for the "greater good" of society (again, with no identifying factors). But I guess it could be said that the OP was trying to help...although I'm not sure that goal was met.


I know in my childbirth classes, I'll ask my clients "Is it okay if I mention this situation in future classes?" and explain that I won't give out their name or any identifying information.

Kelly
 
#62 ·
I'm glad this was brought up and grateful my 11yo ds wants to be homeschooled through high school. I think about the boys side of it because I have a son. I know he could easily be pressured into doing something he wasn't totally ready for, so I worry for him. STDs are a risk and a pregnancy (regardless of the fact that he wouldn't actually carry the baby) is definitely as much a consequence for the boy as for the girl, since no son of mine will ever shirk his parental duties unless he wants to be disowned (ds's dad is a deadbeat). I will definitely be worrying about my girls later.

I just can't imagine letting my middle schooler go anywhere where I wasn't totally sure of the parental supervision. My ds doesn't go anywhere without me, dh, a grandparent or his best friend's parents. But then I live on a street where 4yos ride big wheels down the middle of the street without a parent in sight. Not exactly protecting the gift.
 
#63 ·
where my sister lives the bracelet story is true. her dd came home last year and told her exactly what was going on with the bracelets (my niece didn't have any - phew). there was also an oprah show that dealt with the bracelets in schools and it seemed to be true, they interviewed students, parents and principals about the issue. of course, the show also dealt with blow-jobs in the bathrooms too.
i think what i feel the most sad about young kids having sex is that many of them are using sex to try and find the love and belonging that they don't get at home
of course, not all, but i'd bet the majority. just my own idea.

mandi
 
#64 ·
You know, in a quick defense of this girl's "obviously neglegant" mother...

I lied to my parents about my whereabouts plenty of times, and let me tell you--unless you are THERE, you don't know what's going on. Example? I once slept over my boyfriends house while his parents were on vacation, and in order to do so I told my parents I was sleeping at my friend (from vo-tech) Dayana's house. All my parents had to do was act responsibly and I would have been caught, right? Nope.

Dayanas parents had no problem telling my dad that, yes, I was indeed sleeping over, and yes, they'd be home the whole time, and no, there would not be anyone else.

Another friends mother, whom my father had known for about 6 years (they went to each others BBQs, had coffee together, played cards all the time, etc) agreed that my parents rules were too strict and had no issues lying for me plenty of times.

I've posed as my sister's mother and lied to her friend's parents when there were DV issues involved.

Just because you speak with parents, or meet them, or even know them well, doesn't mean you can controll a determined teenager. Especially if you do not respect her from the get-go, or worse--if she does not respect herself.

the_lissa, Thanks


Kelly

PS-laralou, even if your son were 100% involved, his girlfriend would most likely still shoulder more than he. She has the health risks associated with preg/birth, she may have to miss school and fail classes due to the pregnancy, she is the one who will carry the brunt of the "teenage parent" stigma, and more than likely, the child will live with her, leaving more childcare responsibilites on her. (I'm NOT saying that teen dads can't be amazing. My ds's dad was an awsome 18 y/o dad! But I still had more responisbility than him). To say that pregnancy and parenthood

Quote:
is definitely as much a consequence for the boy as for the girl
is idealistic at best, naive at worst. I'm not attacking you at all, I'm sure your son would take great care of his child. But there are differences.
 
#65 ·
Dov and CMM, you just rock.

I offer this perspective on the instincts topic:
We are whole, indivisible beings from the beginning of life to the end.
Logic and emotion are a piece of each other. They complement one another, if you allow them.
Instinct cannot "control" you, Instinct is you.
Understanding and cherishing our animal selves allows us to really think about our feelings and make choices that are wise and satisfying. I say, teach your child to bring his/her whole self to sexual experience! Honor them and their ability to choose what that means for them, and they will do likewise.
 
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