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Watch your girls!!!! Please!

5K views 64 replies 36 participants last post by  green betty 
#1 ·
Just had to share the scary thing I saw at work over the weekend. We had a 12 year old come in complaining of abdominal pain. After testing and examination we determined that she had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Here chlamydia cultures came back positive. We were freaking out. She denied having sex and we were suspecting maybe she had been abused.

Finally we asked the mom if we could talk to the child alone. She admitted that she goes to "bracelet" parties and thinks she might have gotten "sick" there. Apparently the girls wear a bunch of colored bracelets and the boy chooses one at random off her wrist with his eyes closed. Each color corresponds to a different sex act (oral, vaginal, etc). The boy and girl then go into another room to do their assigned act. Kind of like a really promiscuous "spin the bottle."

The girl admitted that she had gone to several of these parties a month for the last year, and didn't know how many boys she'd had relations with. We ended up having to call CPS about the situation per state law (must report STDs). IMO - if your daughter is going to unsupervised parties of this nature in middle school you need to get your act together!

My mom was one of the ones who rarely let us go to parties. She always called and talked to the host's parents to make sure there was good supervison and would volunteer to help chaperone. I plan on being the same sort of mom myself. Heck, I may only let the kids have guests here. That way I am watching them.

This poor girl may end up being infertile because of the damage to her young reproductive system. How sad and stupid. I just wanted to shake her mama and tell her to start watching her child! Yuck.
 
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#3 ·
#4 ·
I doubt she just made it up or used a story. She seemed very confident about it and kept giggling like it was no big deal. Usually the girls who are abused do not act the way she did (of course, not everyone reacts the same). I could be wrong, but she seemed very different in front on her mom and in front of us. Once her mom left the room she talked very graphically about sex and was far more knowledgable than I would expect. Most abused children usually act ashamed and you have to be very careful and roundabout about the questions. She came right out and said it with no shame or embarrassment.
 
#7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by pfamilygal
I doubt she just made it up or used a story. She seemed very confident about it and kept giggling like it was no big deal. Usually the girls who are abused do not act the way she did (of course, not everyone reacts the same). I could be wrong, but she seemed very different in front on her mom and in front of us. Once her mom left the room she talked very graphically about sex and was far more knowledgable than I would expect. Most abused children usually act ashamed and you have to be very careful and roundabout about the questions. She came right out and said it with no shame or embarrassment.

'giggling like it was no big deal"? Giggling from embarassment, maybe.

Now we are supposed to beleive this girl is a slut on top of it all? There is so much more going on for teens than this.
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloKitty
According to my 15 year old boy - these parties do happen, that he's heard from people that have gone to them.
I have *grilled* a few teens on this-- and they say no. At least not where we live.

And you know, lots of 15 yr old boys tell each other they do a whole lot of stuff they only do in the privacy of their own bathrooms. With Rosie Palm.

"But Mom, everyone is doing it!"
 
#9 ·
I have never heard of the parties for doing it but I have heard from two teens about the bracelets. Some of the meanings are kissing, french kissing, oral sex, sex, making out, kissing naked...........its like some ongoing game I am told, for boys to try to break the girls bracelets
 
#11 ·
I have heard both... that it is rumor, and that it is actually happening. If I had to guess, and I do duh, I would say that like many other "urban legends" and rumors it does have an element of truth to it. Perhaps a very small element, but who knows. Also, if it started as total crap some teens could have decided to run with it.
I dunno.

I really hope that girl recovers quickly
 
#13 ·
I just talked with Ds who has heard of it all over the forums he visits. Those kids could be full of it he said but it seems unlikely that all of them are. Ick.
 
#14 ·
The media oftentimes does more harm than good... glue-sniffing only became popular after the media published articles on it that included pictures about how to get highest while sniffing it! I never heard of bracelet parties when I was younger (I'm 22 now), but I was very naive in middle and high school.

love and peace.
 
#15 ·
Which means that girls 'giggling like it's no big deal' are most likely in desperate pain. We should pay heed to the giggling of little girls who have been on this earth little more than a decade, and not assume they are sluts who 'want it' and giggle because they are without 'morals'.

While it comforts us to think that 12 yr old girls 'getting it' and giving blow jobs left and right (which I do doubt) do it so they can have multi-colored braclets, and have no morals, our culture needs to look beyond the media sound bites that reduce little girls to uncaring giggling whores.
 
#16 ·
Did someone here actually say that little girls are giggling whores
, or were you just commenting about society in general?
 
#17 ·
Wow - didn't mean to spark a riot. I NEVER said anyone was a whore or that she "wanted it." UUmom - I wonder if you are reacting to something else you have heard or other feelings you have. I said she giggled like it was no big deal because she laughed and said "it's just sex." This is a 6th grader for goodness sake!

I was shocked actually. I don't naturally assume that 12 yr olds are sexually active (whether it is blow jobs or anything else). I didn't even want to kiss boys at that age and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to give a boy oral sex. I had a 16 yr old patient with pubic lice a few weeks ago who didn't even know how many "holes" she had down there or what came out of each one. I had to draw her a freaking diagram. I asked if she was having vaginal discharge and she said "you mean 'cum'?" She also said, "I really hope it's just crabs and not an STD." Holy cow. Never thought I'd hear those words.

My whole point in posting was to remind folks: know where your kids are, who they are with and what they are doing. Make sure they know about sex and touching and aware of the risks involved.

I have a personal bias against any teaching that says that sex is amoral. It is a moral choice and when we start telling our kids "Yes. You CAN make good choices. I believe in you. You can delay sexual activity" we will find that they can abstain from or delay intercourse. I taught high school for a year and was shocked at the attitude that many of my kids had. "Ya know, Mrs. P., it's not like you can not have sex. It's like your body needs sex." I'm not sure some of my kids even knew that not having sex was a good and wise choice. It broke my heart knowing that many of them will contract STDs or have pregnancies before their lives even have a chance to take off.

A moral choice doesn't have to be religious in nature. Being temperate, punctual and thoughtful are not necessarilly religious values. But having these moral characteristics will help you get ahead in life. Just as delaying sex will help you avoid STDs and pregnancies: two things that can certainly change your life.
 
#18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
Did someone here actually say that little girls are giggling whores
, or were you just commenting about society in general?
Nobody actually said it. But i absolutely did get that impression from the OP., as she said the 12 yr old was giggling like it was 'no big deal'.

I was also reacting to a society which thinks little girls really do giggle happily and blow off STDs. Girls who have sex and giggle are thought of as whores. Why else would the OP present it that way?

Perhaps the OP didn't mean the little girl was giggling because she thought having sex with lots of boys, and getting a STD was no big thing to her.

The OP seemed to be making a lot of assumptions about the girls actual feelings, so I need clarification on what she meant by what she posted.
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by pfamilygal
Wow - didn't mean to spark a riot. I NEVER said anyone was a whore or that she "wanted it." UUmom - I wonder if you are reacting to something else you have heard or other feelings you have. I said she giggled like it was no big deal because she laughed and said "it's just sex." This is a 6th grader for goodness sake!

I was shocked actually. I don't naturally assume that 12 yr olds are sexually active (whether it is blow jobs or anything else). I didn't even want to kiss boys at that age and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to give a boy oral sex. I had a 16 yr old patient with pubic lice a few weeks ago who didn't even know how many "holes" she had down there or what came out of each one. I had to draw her a freaking diagram. I asked if she was having vaginal discharge and she said "you mean 'cum'?" She also said, "I really hope it's just crabs and not an STD." Holy cow. Never thought I'd hear those words.

My whole point in posting was to remind folks: know where your kids are, who they are with and what they are doing. Make sure they know about sex and touching and aware of the risks involved.

I have a personal bias against any teaching that says that sex is amoral. It is a moral choice and when we start telling our kids "Yes. You CAN make good choices. I believe in you. You can delay sexual activity" we will find that they can abstain from or delay intercourse. I taught high school for a year and was shocked at the attitude that many of my kids had. "Ya know, Mrs. P., it's not like you can not have sex. It's like your body needs sex." I'm not sure some of my kids even knew that not having sex was a good and wise choice. It broke my heart knowing that many of them will contract STDs or have pregnancies before their lives even have a chance to take off.

A moral choice doesn't have to be religious in nature. Being temperate, punctual and thoughtful are not necessarilly religious values. But having these moral characteristics will help you get ahead in life. Just as delaying sex will help you avoid STDs and pregnancies: two things that can certainly change your life.
I do not think that 'it's only sex!" is in any 12 yr old child's heart.

I think we need to take better care of our children so that they can love themselves enough not to have sex with every boy in the 6th grade for a gummy bracelet. I also doubt most 12 yr old girls are all that eager to give a bunch of 12 yr old boys oral sex. It might be fun for adults, but i doubt there are all that many 6th grade girls eagerly hoping this is how their night will end. This goes far beyond 'knowing where your kids is''.

I am giving you the beneift of the doubt, since children are more sexually active today, but i really don't think a child in pain would truly think it's funny to have an STD.
 
#22 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by eemamahob
UNBELIEVABLE! I def. the mom must be in la-la land at some point you can recognize some sort of premiscuous behavior.Thank God seriously that my babies are only 21 mos and 9 mos..........How sad!

I just wonder what the girl is missing in life?


That's what I think. This is about a whole lot more than just 'watching our girls'. One starts to think about the mental stability of a *child* who laughs at sex and painful sexual diseases. It's easier for us to think that such a child is hearltess about her needs and about sex.

We don't know enough about this child to draw any conclusions.

I am agreeing with what Dar said at the get go of this thread. Of course, i have been agreeing with Dar for about a decade now. lol
 
#23 ·
UUmom, while I agree with a lot of what you've had to say here I think it might be a touch nieve about the level of sexual activity among pre-teens and teens. Not everyone is doing it, of course, but the reality is that many many teens are having sex, oral and otherwise for a variety of reasons. I can't be sure as to what all of those reasons are but I know that for me it was a combination of not having a high enough self esteem to differentiate sexual attention from "want to get to know you better" interest (ie, boys liked my body and I thought that meant they liked me. Confusing emotion for lust etc)
 
#24 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
UUmom, while I agree with a lot of what you've had to say here I think it might be a touch nieve about the level of sexual activity among pre-teens and teens. Not everyone is doing it, of course, but the reality is that many many teens are having sex, oral and otherwise for a variety of reasons. I can't be sure as to what all of those reasons are but I know that for me it was a combination of not having a high enough self esteem to differentiate sexual attention from "want to get to know you better" interest (ie, boys liked my body and I thought that meant they liked me. Confusing emotion for lust etc)
\

I think 12 yr olds are sexual beings, but i don't think 12 yr olds are really about multiple partners and laughing off STDs. Wanting love and doing every boy you know for a gummy band, no matter if you like him, isn't about simple sexual desire.
 
#25 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by kama'aina mama
I would assume that the bracelets in question are those rubber bracelets a la the Lance Armstrong one? Am I wrong? If so they have really only been around a bit over a year, I think.
No, they're the skinny little ones that were big during the eighties, like these:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...category=92727

My daughter is wearing 10 or 12 of them right now, red and black...

Dar
 
#26 ·
But, I don't think 12 year olds are mature enough to really understand STDs and the long term implications. And, the fact that it really could happen to them, not just "someone else way out there somewhere." What they understand is that it's cool to be cool and if everyone else is giving blow jobs at parties, why not them? No big deal... They may think they're sophisticated but emotionally they're still so young & naive. Peer pressure is pretty strong and I can totally see some young teens laughing about it just as they'd laugh among their friends; ie. their cliques.

On that note, I'm just starting to read Hold on to Your Kids. Heard it recommended here.

ANd, of course, I mean some, not all, by any means. Just saying it could be possible.
 
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