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#1 of 67 Old 09-14-2005, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi I'm a newbie here!
I was wondering what you all do with nosey little teens. I keep my bedroom door locked because we keep all the household medication in the bathroom off of my bedroom. Yesterday my daughter decided to break in to my ked: bedroom : and of course succeeded. Now I'm worried about her doing it again. Any suggestions?
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#2 of 67 Old 09-14-2005, 04:24 PM
 
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How is locking everything up teaching her responsibility?

-Angela
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#3 of 67 Old 09-14-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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Do you really thing she'd get into medication? I mean, I can see a little kid who doesn't know better doing that, but a teen? I was a sneaky little rebellious teen myself, but I never would've considered getting into any medication.
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#4 of 67 Old 09-14-2005, 05:27 PM
 
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Why do you think the medicine needs to be locked up from a teen is my first question? Has she had a drug problem or something? Are you locking it because of just her or are there younger children that concern you?

If having the door locked is important to you I would have an honest and open conversation about just that...why it's important to you, and respect. If she locked her door or her diary or something else would she want you to respect that boundary or would breaking in be acceptable? Did you ask her what she needed/why she was breaking in?

In my opinion, the place to start is conversation. Good luck

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#5 of 67 Old 09-14-2005, 06:20 PM
 
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Well, maybe I am not an expert since my teen is not "little" and not "nosey".

But if for some reason I would not want him to get to the medicine cabinet, I would talk to him about that reason.

I guess I am not fully understanding your predicament...
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#6 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 01:31 AM
 
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i think i might understand the predicament but i don't think you'll like my advice,

the predicament is that you have some 'items' that you 1) don't want to be found by anyone or 2) don't want to be found by her, if im wrong on this just tell me. My advice to you is to rethink the importance of having those things in your life, if you decide you absolutely cannot live without whatever it is you rather she not find, youre gonna have to get real creative about hiding places. I'll tell you this, whatever you do, do not let your protectiveness about your privacy come in between you and your daughter -it will be something you will hugely regret, i promise. its not fair to her to be treated as if she is not welcomed in your room or in your life. there is a difference in my opinion between teaching her about everyones need for privacy and leading her by your own good example and straight locking her out of your life or your heart. if you got something to hide, thats on you thats not on her, and its not fair for you to treat her as if it was.

like i said, if i'm wrong on this just tell me .... but if im not, please think about what i said. or just think about the possibility of opening yourself to your daughter again... she needs you more now than she can tell you. mabey you know that already,

-anj119
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#7 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 01:53 AM
 
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oops
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#8 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Geez,

I feel liked I've been attacked. Yes, I do have reasons I don't want my daughter in a medicine cabinet. She is bipolar and has some med's she takes that could be very dangerous if abused. Obviously, I have come to the wrong place for advice.
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#9 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 12:52 PM
 
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I think that part of the "problem" is the way you're approaching this: I would never consider my child to be a "sneaky little" anything! I trust my children not to abuse medications- not that they take any at the moment, but I don't have any fear of them intentionally overdosing or anything like that.

If this is truly something that needs to be kept out of her reach, for her own safety, then consider putting the meds in a cabinet with a combination lock.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#10 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 01:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curious_04
Geez,

I feel liked I've been attacked. Yes, I do have reasons I don't want my daughter in a medicine cabinet. She is bipolar and has some med's she takes that could be very dangerous if abused. Obviously, I have come to the wrong place for advice.
I guess if the post was "Bipolar teen - need help" - that would have triggered different replies than "sneaky little teen" and "nosey little teen". Nothing in your OP indicated the condition of your daughter, nor the reasons for you wanting to keep the medicine cabinet locked.

In this situation I personally would get a separate container for the dangerous mediation and install a combination lock on it.

You said she is bipolar - does she understand the danger of the above mentioned medicine? Why does she want to get it?
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#11 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 01:18 PM
 
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I think that if you had put it in those terms to begin with, people would have been more sympathetic (but probably would have offered the same advice.) Referring to a child in derogatory and antagonistic ways (sneaky little teen, nosey little teen) is really not in keeping with the respectful AP parenting philosophy that these boards (and Mothering mag) are based on.
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#12 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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Bipolar teenager with meds would be a particularly difficult issue. I would probably keep those meds locked up too. But just the meds, not the room or the bathroom.

If my mom had locked me out of her room and bathroom I would have felt very hurt. I would not say that the meds are locked up to keep her out of them, but for younger kids, strangers, etc.

I would have probably tried to break in to the room too...

I'm sorry you felt attacked. A diagnosed bp teen with powerful meds is much different situation.
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#13 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 02:27 PM
 
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Here's an idea, buy a locking meds cabinet, I know all foster parents are required to have one. That way the meds are locked up but she's not locked out of you room which brings serious trust issues in itself. Also, I do believe your NOT supposed to store meds in the bathroom due to high temps and humidity.

Seriously?
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#14 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 02:36 PM
 
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Curious,
I second (or third) the suggestion of a locking meds box.
I also wanted to voice my support for you in this diffiuclt time. You did not deserve the reception you got.
If you feel your teen is being sneaky, you have the right to voice that feeling and not be attacked. After all, you are commisserating with other mamas who may very well have felt the same way on occasion.
It is nobodys business why you need your medicatoins locked. It is not a bad idea altogether.
Joline
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#15 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 02:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johub
Curious,
I second (or third) the suggestion of a locking meds box.
I also wanted to voice my support for you in this diffiuclt time. You did not deserve the reception you got.
If you feel your teen is being sneaky, you have the right to voice that feeling and not be attacked. After all, you are commisserating with other mamas who may very well have felt the same way on occasion.
It is nobodys business why you need your medicatoins locked. It is not a bad idea altogether.
Joline
I agree. I assumed that there was an underlying reason that the OP locked the medication and it didn't matter to me why. I can understand the trust and open door policy thing but it just doesn't work for some special needs teens. When our niece lived with us, we kept her meds in a safe. I have never seen a locking medicine cabinet so it might be easier to find a small combo lock safe.
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#16 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 02:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KateMary
I agree. I assumed that there was an underlying reason that the OP locked the medication and it didn't matter to me why. I can understand the trust and open door policy thing but it just doesn't work for some special needs teens. When our niece lived with us, we kept her meds in a safe. I have never seen a locking medicine cabinet so it might be easier to find a small combo lock safe.
There very easy to find, I found a ton just by going to google http://www.google.com/search?sourcei...dicine+cabinet

Seriously?
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#17 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 03:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johub
If you feel your teen is being sneaky, you have the right to voice that feeling and not be attacked.
Yes, everybody has a right to voice their feelings. Just like everybody has a right to feel differently about the way it was voiced.

I would not want my husband posting "this sneaky wife of mine" - that would feel derogatory to me, but of course he has a right to do it.
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#18 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 03:53 PM
 
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If I am venting to friends about my child or my husband, (and the same if a friend was venting to me) I would hope that they would listen rather than judge my anger.
When my dh is behaving like a scruffy lookign nerfherder (insert choice derogatory name here) I will say dh is being a scruffy looking nerfherder today. Do you really say to your friends "it is really inappropriate and unfair to your dh to call him a scruffylooking nerfherder".
No , you listen and react to the core issue, and not critique the choice of words made out of frustration.
This does not mean I really hate my dh or we have a bad relationship or I think that being a scruffylooking nerfherder is really part of his core character.
I give the same consideratoin to friends I meet online who are talking about their frustrations.
joline
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#19 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johub
No , you listen and react to the core issue, and not critique the choice of words made out of frustration.
This does not mean I really hate my dh or we have a bad relationship or I think that being a scruffylooking nerfherder is really part of his core character.
I second this. I love my dh, but there are sometimes that I just need to call him names when I'm venting about him.

I'm sorry that you got blasted, Curious. Being a parent to a teen can be really hard. I know because I was a very difficult teenager!

And, hey, who're you calling scruffy-looking?

Elizabeth - 33. Mother to ds 12-19-04 and ds 01-27-12. new tadpole due 05-25-14
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#20 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 04:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by irinam
Well, maybe I am not an expert since my teen is not "little" and not "nosey".

But if for some reason I would not want him to get to the medicine cabinet, I would talk to him about that reason.

I guess I am not fully understanding your predicament...

No, you judged curious before even trying to understand her predicament.
Curious, I know very little about bi-polar children, but what I do know is that you have your hands full. Maybe if more parents would admit their children aren't perfect and keep a closer watch on them, things like juvenile delinquency, drug use, and pregnancy wouldn't be such a shock to the parents when it happens. You always hear the parent say " I didn't see it coming." What teen isn't nosey and sneaky? They are just curious. Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.
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#21 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 04:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kelly_belly
What teen isn't nosey and sneaky? They are just curious. Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.
I think that's a serious oversimplification. When I was a teenager, I did drugs (pot & acid mostly), drank, smoked, had sex, and hung out with a very rough crowd - it freaks me to think of how many of them are now living on the streets, in jail or dead. But, I wasn't nosey or sneaky - if anything, I was too upfront, direct and brutally honest - it got me into trouble. Teens are just like everybody else, in that they come in all kinds of personalities.

I do agree, though, that it's necessary to look at our children and teens as real people, instead of deluding ourselves.

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#22 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 04:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First, I want to thank all whose support me.

Second, I don't think that calling my daughter a sneaky little teen is such a horrible thing. I thought I could ask a question and get others ideas and opinions on the subject without others assuming I have a bad relationship with my daughter.

My daughter and I have a great relationship, although at times it can be hard and it takes a little extra effort with her being bipolar. Also, I have many adult friends with teens who also have some issues that are a "little" hard to handle at times. They also say their teens can be sneaky at times.

I have talked to my daughter about the medication, we have discussed it several times. If I was not concerned about her feelings I would not feel the need to lock it away from her I would just leave it out in the open and "trust" she wouldn't be tempted with it. But, I do love her very much, and I do not want her to get hurt, so if I can do anything at all to help her to keep away from trouble I will. My daughter is sneaky, and she is nosey, and if I pretended she wasn't then we would have bigger issues than her being locked out of a bedroom.

Thank you to Joline especially because I believe you know exactly where I'm coming from.
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#23 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 05:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly_belly
No, you judged curious before even trying to understand her predicament.
I did not judge. I stated what I would do (that was "talk to him"). In my later post, I suggested a combination lock.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly_belly
Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.
With all due respect, I think I know my teen better than you, hence I do not see a reason to "wake up".

Blah... derailing the thread.

Curious - were you able to figure something that might work for you? (asking honestly, no hostility )
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#24 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 05:09 PM
 
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My dd is only 3. But this morning she tried to tell my mom she had eaten breakfast at our house before getting to my mom's house so it was ok if she had candy she saw on the counter there. She hadn't had breakfast. When my mom told me, I laughed and called my dd a sneaky little thing. I really don't understand why anyone would jump on someone for the title of the post. You can't even tell the tone of things that are just in print (without the little smileys) and I never assumed she meant it in a derrogatory way. Anyone who breaks into a locked door they aren't supposed to enter seems a little bit sneaky and nosey to me!

Welcome to MDC Curious! Some threads are like this one, others are helpful, informative and sometimes even supportive!

~Tracy

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#25 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 05:11 PM
 
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Curious-

I may be able to help.

A bit of background on me: I have a daughter who had bipolar who took her own life a little over 2.5 years ago. I have a 16 year old newly diagnosed daughter with bipolar. I myself have bipolar. (isn't that enough to make you scream? LOL)

We keep meds, including my own in a tacklebox with a lock. Once a week, we sort meds and put them into the plastic daily med boxes. It also helps remind us to take our pills to have them that way.

Any non lethal meds are left out, such as teething tablets, etc. I also keep one or two doses out of other meds such as tylenol, immodium AD, etc.

This not only helps to ensure safety, but also gives Caite the ability to feel responsible for her daily meds. She doesn't feel like we don't trust her.

I do understand the concerns for medication safety. My late daughter tried to OD several times and Caite has tried twice.

Bipolar can be a very scary illness. Moods can swing so fast and so drastically that horrible things can happen before you are even aware that they have gone wrong.

I can also recommend a few excellent books on parenting children with bipolar as well as web sites that will not only offer information but support.

Parenting is difficult enough but factoring in a mental illness/disorder and it can become even more daunting.

Yes, often teens can be sneaky and nosey. Teens with BP can be even more so. But one thing that does help is venting. We have to monitor what we say to our kids, around our kids so having a way to let off steam can be vital to our own sanity.

Caite can be sneaky and nosey too. She has a very difficult time with boundaries, limits and curiousity. She has little problem with going through others things, but boy, don't you dare look in her room for anything. Even if it is yours. HAHA

Impulsiveness is big issue with bipolar. Especially if moods are not stable. Stability is key to making things run smoothly.

If you'd like to talk further or would like me to get those book titles and web resources to you, just let me know. I'll try and help/support in any way I can.

Janis

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#26 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kelly_belly
What teen isn't nosey and sneaky? They are just curious. Lady if you think your teen isn't sneaky or nosey, you better wake up.
My teen is neither sneaky or nosey.

Regarding the OP: If she said her teen was struggling with Bi-polar issues in the first post I missed it. I suppose that could cause some problems. Best of luck in getting the advice you need.


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#27 of 67 Old 09-15-2005, 05:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wugmama
Anyone who breaks into a locked door they aren't supposed to enter seems a little bit sneaky and nosey to me!

Welcome to MDC Curious! Some threads are like this one, others are helpful, informative and sometimes even supportive! ~Tracy
I agree with both points!

Again, welcome, Curious. I have a 15 year-old and she is AT TIMES both sneaky and nosy. She tries to get away with things which involve the act of sneaking. She has gone through my filing cabinet (among other things) for WHATEVER reason, and regardless, that is being nosy. I consider both things to be 100% NORMAL -- it was normal when I was a teen and did similar things -- and it is noraml in billions of people around the world.
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#28 of 67 Old 09-19-2005, 12:58 AM
 
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I wonder where boundaries fit in here. If I have things I want to keep private than I would expect my wishes to be respected, I think breaking into a locked area is quite disrespectful. Since when do teenagers have the right to know everything about their mothers. I know I have been quite upset over my teen going through my purse and diary.

Sorry you are having trouble and hope you get some good advice
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#29 of 67 Old 09-19-2005, 01:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curious_04
Geez,

I feel liked I've been attacked. Yes, I do have reasons I don't want my daughter in a medicine cabinet. She is bipolar and has some med's she takes that could be very dangerous if abused. Obviously, I have come to the wrong place for advice.
If you have a situation that is out of the ordinary you should give that information in your original post. No one here has magic eyes that can see in your house and say, "Oh wow! I bet her daughter is bi-polar!"

~Nay

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#30 of 67 Old 09-19-2005, 03:22 AM
 
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I think she may have felt attacked because she's getting responses that indicate she doesn't know what's best for her child-it really shouldn't be relevant whether her child is bipolar or not - If she feels the med cabinet needs to be locked or says her teen is being sneaky, then that must be the case- Mama knows best!

I personally don't see what is "non-AP" about calling your child sneaky- Don't many of us remember being sneaky as a child? I was considered a "good" kid and yet I remember being sneaky at times- lying about whether I did my homework, or saying I was going to be somewhere when I planned on going somewhere else. I am not saying all kids do this. But even kids that turn out to be productive adults ARE sneaky at times. You CAN love your child and recognize that he or she can be sneaky at the same time! Even my 1 1/2 year old can be mischeivous at times. Isn't AP all about knowing your child and helping her to do her best??

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
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