My DS thinks everyone at school hates him - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-21-2005, 01:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DS (13) is in 8th grade, is a straight A student (first in his class!!), and is one of the nicest, most thoughtful, helpful kids around, and his classmates are making him feel left out. He used to (in elementary) be friends with everyone; talked to everyone; played with everyone...always made sure no one was left out. In middle school he's had a lot of kids he thought of as "friends" ignore him, say mean things to him, and just generally treat him like he's "not cool, or not good enough". It's these "cool" kids that say/do things to make him feel this way.

How do I explain to my DS that this is (unfortunately) what every middle school is like? The kids break off into their different groups or "cliques", and he doesn't understand (heck, who the he** does?) why everyone can't be friends with everyone (this is one of the things I love most about my DS ).

But this has really affected him emotionally. He was so upset last night he was in tears (and my heart was breaking for him), and he really feels like everyone at school hates him. I told him that I felt the same way when I was in middle school...I think most people have had the same experiences at one point or another in school. It's such an awkward stage in life...all those hormones and changes...everyone is trying to figure out who they're becoming and where they can fit in... I told him I know for a fact that he has people that like him (girls in fact--and pretty ones...that should help boost his ego a bit) and that he should just put his most positive, friendly self forward and be an easy-going, go-with-the-flow kind of guy and things will turn around. But is that enough to say to him? I asked him if he wanted to talk to the councelor at the school and he said no, that he'd be ok, but I'm still worried. I guess that's because a long time ago my DH told me that when he was in middle school he felt like no one liked him and he thought about killing himself--actually sat in their barn with a knife thinking about it. And this SCARES ME!!!

What more can I say/do for my stressed out, super sad DS?
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#2 of 4 Old 09-21-2005, 01:30 PM
 
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*hugs mama*
I dont have any solutions but I remember Jr High and My daughter came home saying the same things herself.
And nothign I could say would comfort her. (she was certain I couldnt know anything about it)
I am sorry for your ds and I hope things get better.
Joline
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#3 of 4 Old 10-03-2005, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the hugs and encouragement johub.

Update:

My DS has been putting himself out there more, trying to be more easy-going and things have been turning around...he's had some kids invite him to a local gaming center to play computer games with each other. He's had a blast there and has been feeling much better about things! He's even talking about going to the next school dance (something he wouldn't even CONSIDER before)!
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#4 of 4 Old 10-03-2005, 06:22 PM
 
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I'm glad to hear he is having abetter time at school. My DS, 11, just started Jr, High (at a new school where her only knows 2 kids - thankfully they are his 2 best friends) and sounds a lot like your DS - He had lots of friends at his old school but is very book smart, loves to read, likes hanging out a the library, sticks up for what he sees as "unjust" (so NOT cool in Jr. High) and sticks for other kids who are getting taunted. Sometimes it can be sooo hard - I know I HATED jr. high.....
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