let's see. . . how did not dating until i was 16 affect me:
they took away my car thinking it would limit my abiltiy to be with inapropriate people and do inapropriate things senior year of highschool so i would get off the bus walk through the school and go out the front door to get in the flavor of the moment's car
by the time i was 16 i was already so determined to have fun i had the worst relationships with males partially because i had to hide them from mom and dad. if your kid is hiding relationships from you she can potentially get in a bad situation that she won't tell you about. because she was somewhere she shouldn't be with someone she shouldn't be with, she might not tell you if something happens to her. i know all 4 of us (3 girls, 1 boy) kept our business to ourselves.
besides there's a difference between having a boyfriend (emotional connection), dating, & sex. somehow for me the first one didn't seem to be part of the other 2 and the impression i got off my parents was that all guys were sex starved demons not human beings, but so many guys aren't like that, my parents also didn't deal with the idea that girls are curious and interested in sex too. so i figured they were idiots and not to listen to them. i chased guys like there was no tomorrow. are you spelling out the difference or is there no difference?
why no boyfriends (i can see the whole not going out thing, i do the same thing we are treating it like 15 1/2 to get learner's permit, 16 to drive & date, 18 to vote, 21 to drink, 25 to get decrease in car insurance rates--milestones in life) but my daughter is aware that she can have relationships with guys (she's 11) in the right way. at least she talks to me like i never did with my parents by this age i was hiding books they thought i shouldn't read and going to friends' houses to hangout with boys--not do anything wrong, just talk to them in herds like everybody else. yet i knew i probably would get grounded if i mentioned standing outside some neighbor's house talking to him and his friends with my friends about nothing--because i might have sex one day in my parent's minds. instead of them saying where you going, who's going to be there, what are you doing? it was assumed you can't leave the house unless i say different, not you can go anywhere that is appropriate, if nothing else interferes--which mostly came from my dad. but mom believed in the whole man as head of the household thing so she never said boo to dad unless it got too bad. she didn't even try to talk to him about the situation and try to lessen the restrictions even when she disagreed. i learned early on that they didn't and wouldn't trust me, no matter what, so why bother.
i let my DD go to the neighbor's house to play PS2 and she comes home to tell me all about it. his mom is home and they have supervision. i hope she is learning that i trust her so she won't sneak on me later. uhh. . . won't sneak too much. i know she probably will some, i just hope she just does it safely and talks to me
i'm pretty strict compared to my neighbors so i worry some times that i will affect my kids the way my parents' affected me. i don't know what the happy medium is, so i just talk to my kids as much as i can