what do you think i can do to help a niece who is troubled? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 4 Old 11-27-2005, 02:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i've already posted a couple of posts about this already but it's still an ongoing situation and i wanted to know what else i can do. my 14 yr old niece is still living in a youth facility since july. she had been sent to a facilitiy where i live for evaluation by her parents and was sent back with the results indicating that she was a normal teenager. for whatever reason she is still in this youth facility with no signs of coming out. her parents have divorced themselves from the entire family and really haven't given any reason why so even dh's mom has no clue what is going on. she is the only one who has contact with the niece, no one else is allowed.

to make a long story short, she is going out on the week-ends (they are allowed out on week-ends) and getting hammered and i'm not to sure what else. she is obviously troubled but who would blame her? her parents don't want her at home and she isn't allowed contact with anyone else in her family. i have sent her a couple of notes and care packages and was thinking of writing her another letter but wasn't too sure what i could say, if anything that might make a difference to her. sigh. how crappy for her!

does anyone have any ideas of what i could write? thanks!

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#2 of 4 Old 11-27-2005, 02:27 PM
 
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Is there any way you could talk to her parents to let them know you want to help in some way? How about using your MIL's influence to let them know you want to help. Why is she not allowed contact with the family? Maybe you could find out more about the facility- do they know she's getting hammered on the weekends or is it secret? Maybe you could offer to take custody of the child? At 14, she should have some say in where she goes to live. Has she responded to any of your notes and do her parents know you're sending her stuff?

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#3 of 4 Old 11-27-2005, 02:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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the MIL is only allowed contact b/c the counsellors at the facility thought it would be good for K (my niece). none of us know why she is not allowed contact with family members, it was all of a sudden really. when K was admitted to the YAC here, her mom and dad cut all of us out of contact, including the MIL. i do not lie or exagerate when i say none of us know why, they just cut us out. i don't think they had anything against me personally becasue i really don't know them well enuff to be cut out of anything, but definitely the siblings and my MIL and FIL.
no, the facility she is currently in is very aware of what K is doing. MIL keeps in contact with the counsellors there. we would be happy to take K in, as we've discussed it already but the parents would never ever go for it. they tried to charge MIL with harboring a minor (for taking in my niece when she had no where to go) as well as my dh with uttering a threat (which is another story and never happened anyway). nothing came of those but it is really a strange situation none of us understand. i have thought of calling the mom to see if i can do anything. i'm not sure about doing that i don't want to make things worse for the family.

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#4 of 4 Old 11-27-2005, 04:09 PM
 
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The youth facility probably can't tell you much because of confidentiality laws- but maybe you could contact them and offer what you know and ask about specific ways to help. It is very big-hearted of you to want to help your niece.
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