Done having babies? How do you know? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 44 Old 12-07-2005, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
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Just wondering. I watched my 11 month-old godson the other night. He's a sweet little guy (when he's not crying) but as I held me, it dawned on me I am done having kids. It feels kind of sad but I am quite happy with the family I have now. Plus, dh and I are getting older, to the point where we don't want to go through those babyhood years again. Anyone else out there who's come to that conclusion? How did/do/would you really know?

~peace
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#2 of 44 Old 12-07-2005, 04:33 PM
 
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I had twins; they are only two years old and I KNOW I am done.

My kids are awesome, but I could not possibly go through what I have gone through in the past two years again (especially the sleep deprivation), or another pregnancy for that matter. I think I have postraumatic stress syndrome or something (LOL!); seeing babies gives me the jeebies!
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#3 of 44 Old 12-07-2005, 04:41 PM
 
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For me when I had my 1st child 9 yrs ago I was only 22, and I said am I never having any more kids. well the older I got the more it seamed so. It didnt work out with her dad and I hadnt found anyone worth settling down for. Well When I turned 29 I became pregnant. Totally unplanned. And I love her to peices.
Now after 2 children 8 yrs apart and now im my 30s I know for sure no more children. I do not want to be running after another child. Besides SO is 47...I dont thnk he could handle another one ...lol...
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#4 of 44 Old 12-07-2005, 08:04 PM
 
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Quote:
How did/do/would you really know?
Well, we joke that only DP *has* to be done having children (he's had the "big snip") but I just don't want to go through pregnancy again.

 

 

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#5 of 44 Old 12-07-2005, 08:12 PM
 
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For me when I got pg w/ ds i wasnt 100% sure that would be it even tho i thought it prolly would be. If ds had been a girl I prolly would have tryed 1 more time. I love being pg and if I could I would stay that way. But it was very draining on my body and emotional state. The main reason is just a feeling of completeness now 1 of each balanced. My dh got the big snip when xander was 3mo. I honestly will miss being pg for the rest of my life but I know it is for the best that I will not be having any more kids. My patience is stretched to the limit with the 2 I have.

 
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#6 of 44 Old 12-07-2005, 08:13 PM
 
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I had two great kids but as they got older -- and I got older -- I still had that feel that I wanted just one more. My husband wasn't as sure but since he was waffling we went ahead. #3 was born when other kids were 10.5 and 8. I was one month shy of 40 when she was born.

I am SO HAPPY with this decision. Each day of her one year has been just great for me. Dh grumbles that he feels old but since I really do all the caregiving I pretty much ignore any of his grumblings. The older kids just LOVE her to pieces. All in all, a great decision.

My one regret is that #3 will not have that built in playmate that #1 and 2 have in each other. But I am sure that there will be no #4. Now that I am 41 I can't say that I would want to do the toddler years again with a baby too.

I am happy with how things are now.

Kim , mom to Amanda (16):, William (13), and Annie (5)
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#7 of 44 Old 12-08-2005, 11:48 AM
 
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Dh and I always wanted a big family-- 3 or 4 kids. After our third was born life was really busy and it was hard to imagine adding another to our family. I debated having a fourth, but decided three was enough. When my kids were 12, 10 and 7 number four decided she had to be born I wouldn't have planned it this way, but it has been so great for our family. The whole family is crazy about little Evie. But, now I really know I'm done. The thought of pregnancy strikes fear into the core of my being.
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#8 of 44 Old 12-08-2005, 12:11 PM
 
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I knew I was done when I could hold other people's babies and not get that achy, broody longing to hold my own.
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#9 of 44 Old 12-08-2005, 04:11 PM
 
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I knew I was done 10 years ago. We had a girl and a boy within 27 months, everything was fine and I just FELT done.

I babysat my niece and 6 month old nephew a few years ago at Christmastime and have e-mails friends threw back at me about how I knew I was done having babies, he was driving me batty,etc..... Guess who ended up pregnant 6 months later?

I wouldn't trade him for the world, but it took alot to swing back into babydom after being "done". I am most definately DONE now (tubes have been removed).
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#10 of 44 Old 12-27-2005, 08:43 PM
 
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I HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN AGES 17,10,9,8,4,3,AND 2 THEY ARE HANDFULLS BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH HAVING ANOTHER ONE I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE KIDS TO HAVE THEIR OWN AND I CAN HAND THEM THEIR BABIES AND KNOW IM GONNA GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP !!!!!!!!!!!

Mom of 8 children 4 Boys : and 4 girls :2 dogs named Kibblez and Brook , sadly miss my Husband that passed 03/03/2007 !Trully Miss my Brother Joey that passed on 3/25/09..

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#11 of 44 Old 12-28-2005, 12:19 AM
 
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DH got the big V, that's how I know I think for us, we don't think it's right for us to have more than 2 children.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#12 of 44 Old 12-28-2005, 07:14 PM
 
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Well when I had my first daughter at 21years old 1977, I didn't want anymore, and as my life went through different stages,marriage fell apart,etc.,I still didn't want anymore children(and I love children),well I met my dh on a blind date and that changed my thoughts. He had never been married before,so I wanted him to at least have one child. Well I had my now 16 year old in 1988,at age 34,the thought of having another never entered my mine,till I realized that I was going to be 40,so told my dh if he wanted another child we had better hurry up ,I had my last child at age 39,she is 11 now. When I had my youngest my recovery took alot longer than the other two,so I knew my time to have children was over,although my doctor thought other wise.
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#13 of 44 Old 01-03-2006, 05:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamthesmilingone
How did/do/would you really know?
Menopause.

Actually, I thought I was done about 14 years ago, but then I met my (now) husband several years ago who wanted another. We agreed we would have one. She was born 3 months early and it was touch and go. We would never want to go through something like that again. Besides, we are financially stable with me not having to work, but one more (kid) and we might not be...
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#14 of 44 Old 01-03-2006, 11:57 AM
 
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After my 2nd I KNEW within weeks of her being born that there was another baby who was meant to be mine....DH wasn't too sure, but apparently he didn't communicate to his lil' buddies - bacease after much debate dd#3 surprised us both! I expected to have that same "oh, I can't wait to do this again" feeling - but I didn't. My family felt - and feels - complete...I was just something I *felt*....Plus DH KNEW he didn't want anymore surprises - so that helped make the decision for him to get snipped miuch easier...
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#15 of 44 Old 01-04-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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I'm not mamabear. I'm her sis. She used my puter and now I'm unable to reg for myself but love the site. Sorry UM! Their reg will be back in a few days. Hope you don't mind.
When are we done? Still not sure, twin boys : in 89 and single girl in 93. Hubby's been wanting more. Thought a puppy in 2001 would work but hasn't. He goes gaga for all the babes in stores, church, everywhere. Even holds friends infants. Had 2 endometrial ablations in 98 & 99 but doc feels I could get preg again. dh is 43 and I'm 42, we're approaching college and someday, hopefully not too soon, grandchildren. I do wish I had more back when I wasn't But, dear angel cub nieces and nephew cub are my babies.

natural birthin', baby catchin', cloth addicted, intactalactavist mama of 12/00, 6/03, 10/07, 8/10 & our angelcubs three
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#16 of 44 Old 01-10-2006, 12:10 PM
 
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I a done on oh so many levels. I had a tubaligation when my dd was 3 . I had a hysterectomy in Sept.2004.So, I a way done. I love kids and babies but I don't have the pangs anymore. I will enjoy my grandkids if I have any .
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#17 of 44 Old 01-11-2006, 11:42 PM
 
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For me, I think I'll know when menopause hits.

I honestly want as many children as I can have and I suppose I'm lucky in that so far two are all I've managed to conceive.

I would love to have another (or two or three or...), but I'm just so elated to have had the opportunity to have these two.

--Kari
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#18 of 44 Old 01-12-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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I'm done! I'm weeks away from delivering #4, w/ 2 yo twin girls & a near 10 yo girl. I love being pregnant, giving birth, bf, babies, I don't even mind night wakings. I just HATE TODDLERS!!!! If I could farm out my kids from 19 mos to almost 3, I'd have more, but since there's no place to send 'em. . .I'm done. Although my dh is only 31, so I'm trying to convince him not to get snipped (what if something happened to me & he found someone else he fell in love with?).

You're right it is kinda sad to come to this ending. I hate making such a definitive decision, but I know I could not two the "terriffic twos" again & remain out of jail. But there are other things to look forward to in life, even before grandchildren. . .
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#19 of 44 Old 01-12-2006, 03:35 PM
 
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I'm probably done, but I haven't done anything permenant to ensure that.

My health isn't great- I'm having enough trouble caring for the 3 I already have, I can't imagine what I'd be like dealing with another pregnancy, much less caring for a toddler again.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#20 of 44 Old 01-13-2006, 05:32 PM
 
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This was such a hard question for me, I had 3 kids in a row now, 11,9, and 8 but I never felt done and a dear friend told me whatever you do if you don't feel done don't make a permanent decision. So 7 years later DD came along and we are all so happy in the family. It is like we gave a gift to everyone. All of us adore her and we are so much more relaxed now then we were with 3 little kids running everywhere. So my advice is even if you are stressed now by younger ones but have just a thought of wanting another one don't do anything permanent. Wait awhile. BTW DH got the snip this past summer, I was still sad a little, more because I knew a stage in my life was over than wanting another baby.
Corina
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#21 of 44 Old 01-18-2006, 10:05 PM - Thread Starter
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This may sound funny, considering, but I am two days late. So if you know anyone who really does not want a visit from af, please, PLEASE let them know she is more than welcome at my house. I won't lock the door or anything. Heck, even though it is 10 degrees here, I'll leave a window open.




TIA
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#22 of 44 Old 01-19-2006, 12:03 AM
 
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I knew when I got pg with #4 that I was done. I have my four:2 : and 2 : and my boyfriend has 3 sons. We are in a 3 bedroom house with all of them(My kids full time and his kids part-time) and it is plenty. I have a well rounded bunch so when the baby was a year old, I had my tubes tied.I do miss being pg, but really don't want to deal with overnight feedings and such. I am happy with my 4 who sleep all night and only having 1 that totally depends on me and even he is getting to be a very independent almost 2 year old. I'll wait for the grandkids in 10 years or so.
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#23 of 44 Old 01-19-2006, 02:35 AM
 
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I think I'm one of the "I'll know when Menopause hits" crowd. I only have 2, dd is 16 and ds is 14. I had my reasons for wanting them young and I told myself that 35 would be the cut-off point, but when 35 rolled around I didn't feel done and wound up getting in a brief but unfortunate relationship that I am glad did NOT result in a child. That was my only relationship since xdh and I split when the kids were 2 and 5 and I am so done with heterosexual relationships, but there's always AI. I'm 41 so it would be medically improbable, but not medically impossible. I'm low-income, but I could always win the lottery....well, I never PLAY the lottery, but for all I know someone could accidentally drop the winning ticket in my front yard....



You get the point, anyway.
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#24 of 44 Old 01-19-2006, 09:45 AM
 
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I'm going through this right now! DD#1 is 8, & DD#2 is 2.5. I don't want to close that door yet! I'm 26 DH is 29, he is willing to have a vasectomy. Finances are super tight, but hopefull that won't always be the case! I really wanted 3, now i'm on the fence. I just want to know that it is an option! KWIM?
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#25 of 44 Old 01-30-2006, 03:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sevenkids
I knew I was done when I could hold other people's babies and not get that achy, broody longing to hold my own.
I still get this way, so I KNOW I am not done yet. LOL

My 2 children are 10.5 years apart, 15 and 4.5, and I would LOVE to have one more. I am just getting my own business off the ground this year, so hopefully by this time next year, we will be able to finish our family. My youngest will be in grade one by that time. If we don't have another baby within the next 2 years, we are probably done--I will be 40 then.
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#26 of 44 Old 02-02-2006, 02:55 AM
 
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I'm not done. I have my heart set on one more baby. I've wanted four for as long as I can remember. It took me ten years to get pregnant and keep a second one. Then, I had my precious ds2 six months ago. And, now, I want one more...my fourth. Then, I'd be done.

Unfortunately, I am done, because dh doesn't want any more. I refuse to trick him or beat him over the head with this (although my resolve on the latter does slip sometimes). : I want my kids to have parents who want them. So...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#27 of 44 Old 02-02-2006, 11:17 PM
 
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When I was pregnant this last time, I just knew I was done. I never felt that way during any of my other pregnancies. When I developed preeclampsia, that just sealed the deal for me. I had my tubes tied when my daughter was born (via emergency csection)
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#28 of 44 Old 02-16-2006, 09:47 PM
 
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I knew we were done when I was pregnant with my third. I was 39, and my age definitely had something to do with the decision, but I also knew I just wasn't cut out to be the mother of a big family. Being mother to three children can sometimes overwhelm me, and I knew that as much as I adore babies and toddlers, I just didn't need to be raising more children of my own.
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#29 of 44 Old 02-17-2006, 01:37 AM
 
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It's such a funny thing. I KNEW I wasn't done after #2, but KNEW I was done after #3. I loved the whole experience of being pg, with all it's discomforts, and my home birth, and holding and caring for a baby, wearing them in the sling, snuggling all night with them. But, I NEVER, EVER want to be pg again. I would probably adopt a baby if I had the opportunity, but I'm not seeking it out, either. I do get that achy feeling when I see or hold a newborn, but it isn't a driving pain like it was when I was talking dh into #3. He was our only planned baby. But, I NEVER want to gain all that weight, have to worry over the birth, suffer through 6 weeks of getting flat nipples to pop out again...I loved every second of it before but I don't want it anymore. Someone told me that you just know when you're done. It was true for me.
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#30 of 44 Old 02-19-2006, 01:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kennedy444

My one regret is that #3 will not have that built in playmate that #1 and 2 have in each other.
My kids are the same space as yours, and this above comment is the reason I'm 20 weeks pregnant I'm 34, and although I'm not looking forward to baby and toddler together, my bigger kids are really helpful, so it's nothing like last time. I can understand your reasoning completely, though.

I have an uncle and BIL who were the younger of three boys with a big space, and both of them really had hard times with it. Since you have girls and boy, I bet it won't be that way - my sister and are 10 years apart and VERY close

It feels just right having two bigs and two littles (all boys, by the way), and it was fun hoping for a girl, anyway. We're definitely *finished* now.
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